Daily Archives: September 8, 2006

Steve Irwin wants you to watch THAT video

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not this one:

No, he wants you to watch the video of him getting killed by a stingray.

I. Am. Serious.

Even dead, Steve Irwin has more raw character than an entire continent! Let’s take a look at what the man reportedly said:

Irwin once stated, “My number one rule is to keep that camera rolling. Even if it’s shaky or slightly out of focus, I don’t give a rip.

“Even if a big old alligator is chewing me up I want to go down and go, ‘Crikey!’ just before I die. That would be the ultimate for me.”

Now, unnamed sources talking to websites I’m not familiar with aren’t the world’s most reliable news outlets. Still, I’m posting this because it sounds exactly like what he would have said, and I’m entirely sure that if he did say that, the commentors will hunt it down and give me date/time/audio. Also, if he didn’t, that a raincoaster alliance of commentors and moi will hunt down and destroy that website.

UPDATE: Yes, it’s true.

Steve, don't you think you shouldn't do that with an open wound? You smell like chum.

Stingray apologizes for killing Steve Irwin

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Finally, someone on this planet takes responsibility for his actions. I’ve had enough with people taking refuge in “temporary insanity,” “I was drunk” and “it’s my cultural heritage” excuses. Somebody stepped up and took it like a man.

Too bad it’s a coldblooded, murderous fish. I may have to start dating outside my species but given my opinion of humanity it’s probably a step up. Popbitch’s tips on having sex with dolphins awaits in the Gmail archive…nah. Squid, different story.

LAist via, I think, Defamer.

After days of blaming everyone but himself, Wednesday morning the stingray responsible for the tragic death of the beloved tv personality Steve Irwin finally manned-up and apologized for killing Australia’s most lovable bloke.

“To be honest I thought he was just another asshole tourist trying to ride me. How was I supposed to know that he was the freaking Crocodile Hunter?” the stingray said through his publicist Jo Brooks.

…Stingray, yo

“I know my life is over, they should just kill me now,” he said before breaking down. “Besides, how’s a brother supposed to get any tail without… a tail? Just finish me off and get it over with.”

The stingray has never had any run-ins with the law and is being represented by Johnnie Conchshell who guarantees to get his client off the hook.

Stingray, baby!

Boris Johnson, the artsy-fartsy poster

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I suspect BoJo‘s not the only Oxford grad to have his portrait done Andy Warhol-style, but he’s probably the only one who had it done in this pose:

Bojo, yo!

And, as I said on Guido‘s blog, it appears that he has an extra finger on his right hand. I see now one source of his evergreen popularity. Or is that six of them?

Drunk Affleck gives Canadian tv a reason for living

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from, of all ironic places, that bloggy American tattletale of Hollywoodland, Defamer.

anne-marie losique interviews a drunk ben affleck from his lap

“interviews” eh? Not the word I’d use for it. Bot ee doze a fontosTEEK hack-senn Quebecois, oui?

how Republicans celebrate 9/11

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from Gawker. You must check out the comments section on their post; one of the very best. “I hope they don’t invite Cheney!” for example.

Tasteful Dove Shoot on 9/11