Lucy Gao, meet Aleksey Vayner, the man of your dreams

Dance, monkey, dance!from IvyGate, the States‘ own version of Oxford Gossip, via Gawker.

This is Aleksey Vayner, Lucy Gao‘s soulmate, the perfect Also-Descended-From-Former-Commies-But-So-Way-Over-That, soulless, careerist golem.

Someone please set them up on a date immediately and give them a reality show.

Given a good stylist and continued coverage, they could be the Posh and Becks of Wall Street in no time!

Mr. Vayner identifies himself on his resume as a multi-sport professional athlete, the CEO of two companies, and an investment adviser. The video depicts him lifting a 495-pound weight, serving a tennis ball at 140 miles an hour, and ballroom dancing with a scantily clad female. Finally, Mr. Vayner emerges enrobed in a white karate suit and breaks six bricks in one fell swoop.

Between athletic bits, Mr. Vayner takes the opportunity to opine on success. After being described in the opening lines of the video as “a model of personal success and development to everybody,” Mr. Vayner says, “Failure cannot be considered an option.” He adds: “To achieve success you must first conceive it and believe in it. Remember: impossible is nothing.”

It is also, according to Mark Duffy, the tagline for Adidas. According to IvyGate, Vayner‘s plaguarized a book on the Holocaust, invented a charity, and has listed himself as CEO of an investment company which appears to exist only in his imagination. What a charmer; Donald Trump should be looking over his shoulder!

But that’s only the tip of a huge and hilarious iceberg. Turns out Aleksey is somewhat infamous among Yalies as the “Crazy Prefrosh” profiled in 2002 by Yale‘s Rumpus tabloid. If you thought Vayner’s credibility was shaky after seeing the video, wait til you read the profile. It is devastating.

For starters, his name back then was Aleksey Vayner's Model Mayhem shotGarber. He claimed to have spent much of his childhood in a Tibetan monestary in post-Soviet Uzbekistan before moving to the United States, where he was employed by both the Mafia and the CIA. He was also a tennis instructor whose students include Harrison Ford and Sarah Michelle Gellar. And oh yeah: he met the Dalai Lama along the way and is the second greatest martial arts fighter in the world.

Let us now take a good, long look at how the second greatest martial arts fighter in the world and no doubt future father of Lucy Gao‘s squealing brood, wants the world to remember him:

8 thoughts on “Lucy Gao, meet Aleksey Vayner, the man of your dreams

  1. Check the links. Now he’s acting as his own lawyer, threatening to sue the company that started forwarding his print resume around. If ONLY I had a copy of that, too!

  2. Nah, you can tell…he takes himself very seriously. This is not parody.

    And RC, if you can’t find his resume online, then you’re not the woman I thought you were!

  3. But you have NO IDEA of the amount of stuff that’s out there. He’s all over Dealbreaker, Gawker, IvyGate, etc, etc. It’s a matter of choosing between posting his Facebook page (with erotic photo of his then-in-high-school girlfriend), posting the article about him as a Yale PreFrosh, and posting the invitation to his birthday party, for a nice parallel with Lucy Gao.

    Besides, I already read enough fiction!

  4. as a current yalie… i have to say, he’s for real. if only you could hear everything he’s had to say…

  5. I know. I’ve been clicking around, checking him out, and he’s far worse than even this makes him look. Someone please upload that vid to YouTube again! I can’t use the platform IvyGate has put the video up on (it only works with Windows 2000 or higher) but I’d gladly re-post that puppy if only I could. The best way to protect IvyGate is to spread it as far and wide as you possibly can.

  6. Pingback: Do You Doubt I Am Rich? « raincoaster

  7. Pingback: grenz-wertig: Aleksey Vayner : Seminare: schein-wahr

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