We don’t know who wrote this, but I stole it from Dr. Mike: here are 50 things not to do at Hogwarts. Or rather, here are just the ones I like the very most bestest:
50 Things NOT to do at Hogwarts
1. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors indicate that they are “covered in bees”.
2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.
4. “I’ve heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood’s name” is not a challenge.
5. I am not allowed to attempt to breed a liger.
6. I will not go to class skyclad.
7.The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball. [ed. note: Goddammit! Now I need to line up another date!]
10. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. “Polishing my wand” in the common room is not.
11. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.
14. I will not start every Potions class by asking Professor Snape if today’s project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.
17. Seamus Finnegan is not “after me Lucky Charms”.
21. It is exceptionally tasteless to tell Professor Lupin that “Once you go Black, you never go back.”
24. I am not to refer to the Potions classroom as “Kitchen Stadium”.
28. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.
37. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong.
38. I am not a Pinball Wizard.
47. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.
48. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with “What’s new, pussycat?”
Go read the rest!
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raincoaster 
this is soooo funny heheheeh I love it I’m a HUGE Harry Potter Fan :)
We are having a BIG Harry Potter Birthday Bash for my daughter – she is turning 11 next month, the party is the 27th. We have rented a hall and everything and planning has taken over a year. Lady Rose
That sounds like a blast! Have fun, and if Snape shows up, would you kidnap him for me?
This is looking rather familiar….
You’ve left one of my favourite ones out though:
13. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year’s Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept.
Not one of mine: I much prefer the “Kitchen Stadium” crack. I have a thing for Iron Chef.
No invisible thong? Now that is just twisted and wrong and not in a fun way.
Wait. That should have said thong of invisibility. Hmm.
I know. Damn and blast, now I need to try to get my money back from eBay.
Anybody wanna buy a used thong with “Severus Snape Was Here” on it?
Also, the giant squid is totally being descriminated against and that is so wrong.
Agreed! Squidmancipation Now!
[[[squidmancipation]]]
Say those tuxes are not cheap either if the squid cannot go to the dance well the squid just wasted a bundle.
Yeah, not to think of the custom tailoring involved. What a waste of time! I say we gatecrash! or in this case, drainscrash.
It is gate crash or limo party. Both work for me.
Need a biiiiiiig hot tub in the limo: I say gatecrash.
Hee hee! FUNNY!
But I wish there was an exclusive list of ‘what not to do in Professor Snape’s class.’ Now that would be Bloody Brilliant!
I’d do them all. Including Professor Snape!
The number 14 is just so bloody brilliant! I would like to see Severus’face if someone did something as that..
a Portuguese Fan
I think he knows the Cruciatus Curse, so I’m not going to be the one to find out.
hey what the bloody hell are you doing DETENTION!
Punctuation, Professor! Mind the punctuation! Detention, yourself!