duelling manifestos: Michelle Malkin vs John BigBooté

As longtime raincoaster fans know, we luv us a good manifesto. Indeed, there’s no feeling so dear to our shrivelled little cardio-unit as snuggling into bed with a lovely fresh, hard-covered and blood-spattered cri de coeur from some doomed, long-dead revolutionary.

Naturally, when we stumbled across this masterwork from the Amazing Invisible Blog of Alan Smithee, we were floored. John BigBooté, after bursting onto the geopolitical scene with the immortal “Monkeyboy Rant,” had vanished, seemingly into thin air (or at least the Ninth Dimension). We recognized this manifesto from another world for what it is: a work of genius. We were so intoxicated by the fumes of glory arising therefrom that it took a little while and a blog comment from the author before we realized it was a response to yet another manifesto from famous Filipino American Anchor Baby Michelle Malkin.

So there was one to love and one to hate. The yin and the yang. The sweet and the sour. The peanut butter and the chocolate. The sinigang and the balut.

Dear Muslim Terrorist Plotter/Planner/Funder/Enabler/Apologist,

You do not know me. But I am on the lookout for you. You are my enemy. And I am yours.

I am John Doe.

I am traveling on your plane. I am riding on your train. I am at your bus stop. I am on your street. I am in your subway car. I am on your lift.

I am your neighbor. I am your customer. I am your classmate. I am your boss.

I am John Doe.


Dear Monkeyboy/Black ‘Lectroid/Hong Kong Cavalier/Kolodny Brother/Radar Blazer/Yakov Smirnoff,

If you don’t know me by now, you’ll never ever ever know me. Oooooo-oooo-ooooo. I’m on a hunt I’m after you. I’m hungry like the wolf. You are my everything.

I am rubber. And you are glue.

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s to be mistaken for somebody else.

I Am John BigBoote.

I am traveling to Planet 10. I am riding in the troop transport. I am in the pod ship. It’s a very bad design.

I’m driving in my car.  I turn on the radio.  Here in my car.  I feel safest of all.

I am your neighbor.  I am your customer.  I am a rock.  I am an island.  History is made at night. Character is what you are in the dark.

I Am John BigBoote.

Michelle Malkin. Is he holding a herring just off-camera?Bigboote. John BigbooteWell, which would you rather take to bed, eh?!

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35 thoughts on “duelling manifestos: Michelle Malkin vs John BigBooté

  1. Malkin’s a dumbass, and I make it a point not to take advantage – sexual or otherwise – of th ementally deficient. Funny you should mention her literary talents – last weekend I stumbled across this little piece of literary vivisection about her book “In Defense of Internment”: http://www.isthatlegal.org/Muller_and_Robinson_on_Malkin.html#IDOI%2011

    Now, after studying a bit about Allied codebreaking through college and grad school and reading the material in above link, I may be no expert but I sure as hell know that Malkin doesn’t know her ass from a dimensional hole in the ground in her book.

    Hell, after reading her blog more than a few times, I know she’s something even worse -a reporter who thinks she’s an expert on everything.

    Now, this doesn’t mean I’d have sex with John BigBoote’ either, but I’d have severe OSHA concerns about asking that toothy little Malkin for head . . . .

  2. Fox gets the very bestest commentators, don’t they? If you want a REAL laugh, look up Rachel Marsden’s bio. She’s infamous ’round these parts as a serial stalker who cost SFU several dozen thousand dollars and nearly tanked the career of a prof through her claim he was stalking her. It was actually the other way around. Then she stalked her lawyer, then she stalked the judge. You know it’s bad when the lawyer gets a restraining order against her client.

  3. Y’know, given the options I’ll take my chances with the electric lizard.

    Sorry–allow me to clarify:

    I’d rather sexually service the murderous life-extinguishing invader with delusions of empire …

    Sorry, allow me to further clarify:

    BigBooté. Every time.

    Mad Madame Malkin (and it’s so hard to refrain from calling her Ms Merkin) will one day drain away with Coulter, that fat-ass drug addict, and that closeted trollop Savage, like the pus drains out of a wound when it get better, and for similar reasons.

    Though the comparison is unfair–pus is beneficial to the host organism, usually.

  4. I should point out that every time I see the Mer–sorry–Malkin Manifesto, I can’t help thinking:

    Mi name Jon Do
    im in yr plane, watchin yr prayers
    im in yr restrant seein yr meals
    im in yr taxis, takin yr ride

    Is it coincidence that “Malkin” once meant “cat”?

  5. Oh oh oh.. Michelle Malkin is Filipina? Geeeshhh… why the anti-immigrant diatribe and the chummy-chummy thingy with Bill O’ Reilley? Why doesn’t she say that she is part Filipina btw? Isn’t that like.. being ashamed of one’s “roots”.. dang, a Filipia racist? Well, yah kow, I’m Filipina and most who go and stay in the USA end up as either : 1.ultra rightists 2. progresives with no progress.

  6. Yes, she’s a Filipina racist. For Fox, this is nothing: their latest hire, Rachel Marsden, is a serial stalker. You can google Rachel Marsden and SFU and see what you get.

  7. I have to have a certification of insanity QUICK then and go to Fox News! Maybe they’ll like me if I pretend to be another bigot!

  8. hahahaahhahahhahhaha! oh yeah I found this –

    “That’s because the 31-year-old columnist is already well known in her native Canada as an oft-accused and once-admitted stalker who made questionable rape charges of her own 10 years ago, in a case that eventually cut short the career of a university president and changed the tenor of harassment cases all over Canada.”

    Maybe I’ll go to New York wearing this tribal thingy outfit with a nose ring and offer some “balut” (featus duck eggs.. really) to Bill O Reilley.. he needs it — so he doesn’t keep bloviating!

  9. What’s really funny is, she then stalked the lawyer who represented her in the stalking case!

    I’d pay to watch Bill O’Reilly eat balut, particularly if someone told him what it was while his mouth was full.

  10. That’s an idea, I might TRY that and he may probably even LOVE him for that because he can be so twisted and warped! I can never imagine someone btw who can stalk her own lawyer who ACTUALLY represented her in another STALKING case… what sort of a lawyer is that? Geesh.. I really have to get mt CERTIFICATE OF INSANITY to get into Fox News soon:)

  11. Yep a lot more cruel medium than Fox News? Hey, her mouth is really HUGE…now, I’m getting obsessed with LOOKING at MY mouth on the mirror! hmph!

  12. O’Reilly clearly eats some lousy stuff, but hasn’t the stomach for it.
    Most of his shows seem to feature him regurgitating tripe.

  13. I think she’s full on Filipina; Jesus’ General says she’s an anchor baby, and I believe him. I have no doubt she’s got fanatic fratboy interns who are living in Daddy’s Alexandria house for the summer while they work for her for free and they’re probably passing around John Bigboote’s manifesto right now and trying to figure out what coded message Al Qaeda is passing in it.

  14. Well since both her parents are from the Philippines and she was conceived there but born in the US, yes, that makes her 100% off-white. Shhhh, don’t tell Rupert Murdoch.

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