Eavesdropping at the Ovaltine

The Ovaltine, yoSee, this is why I need a laptop. So I don’t have to snarf the last half of my meal and RUN home, desperately trying not to jostle my brain and let all the golden eavesdrops fall out.

More or less verbatim, heard from my perch on the highly prestigious “booth side” of the Ovaltine, coming from the less-prestigious but more collegial Stud Row otherwise known as the “counter side” where all the old men sit.

In an unmistakably Black American voice:

Seventy-three years old. SEVENTY-THREE YEARS OLD! Know what they told me? They told me I have Diabetes. DIABETES! I need diabetes at seventy-three. I need it like I need a hole in the head. I’m gonna die anyway, hell, I’ve been dead for years. Been through four wars, got two bullets in my back. I died twice! Saw the lights and everything. A white South African brought me back last time, which just goes to show.

What? It shows you!

I was in four wars. I was in Vietnam. I was in Vietnam twice. It started back in the 1800’s. The south part of Vietnam is 98% Buddhist. 2% Catholic. The Catholics tried to take over the country.

God? God didn’t have nuthing to do with it. God? What’s God? I’ll tell you. I’ll TELL you what God is.

God is a crazy old white woman!

What wars was I in? I was in Vietnam. I was a Canadian sergeant in Vietnam, I knew who my friends were. I’ll tell you that. I knew. I was in the dirty war in the Congo in… what? … 66. In 66 I was in the dirty war in the Congo. Died there. And I was in the dirty war in Brazil.

I’m a career soldier. Seventy-three years old. I got one foot in the grave and diabetes.
The highly prestigious booth side
Halifax? Hey, no – why would I want to go to Halifax? My people were black Loyalists, we came to this country in 1776. We’ve never been slaves. My mother was a Jew. If your mother’s a Jew, you’re a Jew. It don’t matter who your daddy is. Everyone knows who mama is. Nobody knows for sure who Papa is. It’s smart. I was born in Labrador City. Moved to Montreal when I was eight. I was a bad boy, so my mother sent me off to Chicago to live with my uncle. I was so bad, they gave me a choice of join the army or go to prison, so I joined the army.

I’m the worst kind. A career soldier. Seventy-three years old.

Montreal? MontREAL? No Halifax, I’ve never been to Halifax. Why would I go there? Why would anyone want to go to Halifax. No jobs, no people, no nothing. No, I’m from Montreal.

Ever seen the Fleur de Lis? You know what that is? It’s got six points. It’s the Star of David! I’m telling you, it’s the Star of David. Six points. Count ’em. Three up and thrThe O, yo!ee down. Star of David.

Cuz the first kings of France, they were Mary Magdalene’s people. A Tribe of Israel. They were Jews. So that’s the Fleur de Lis. The Star of David.

Wouldn’t it be something if the coalition government was headed up by the head of the Bloc? That would be something!

Seventy-three years old! I’ve been dead for years.

15 thoughts on “Eavesdropping at the Ovaltine

  1. But, wait, so if the coalition gets itself together, the country will be run by the Jews? But the Bloc Quebecois only has a half-fleur-de-lys on their signs–that’s a trinity!

    By the FSM–Quebec in the hands of Catholics? Where will the country be if that happens?

    Boy–who says Canadian politics is boring?

  2. Re. Dion: Well who knew a guy who’s fluently incoherent in both official languages could possibly manage the word “compromise”? I mean, Harper’s first language is English and he can’t pronounce it.

  3. ” … Folks of that era knew how two spel.”

    Yes , um, but, yes

    ScHuffles awkwardly from left to right Talon …. und back again ….. reluctant to comment on SchPelling of a Country with 14 Super-Carriers and Madonna/Britney Spears as a Cultural Icons

    “Better yet. They knew how to think”.

    … and this is the Nation that elected a Tree-Murderer and later the kindly Mr Nixon ….. twice

    not that the British can pretend to any great superiority – we elected Cruella de Blair’s Husband in 1997 and 2001 … and 2005

  4. Bunk, sweetheart, what are you talking about? As much as I love a non-sequiteur, and indeed nobody can be said to loathe sequiteurs the way I do, I’m afraid your words don’t quite make it to the realm of Dada, let alone Surrealism.

    IE What are you talking about? I didn’t make ANY of this up.

  5. You know, the pierced consumer has a point…they do still have paper and pen that fit into a pocket.

    but it would be more glamorous if you wore a wire, true.

    This is a great post.

  6. Pingback: Quiz: What diner food are you? « raincoaster

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