Birds are pretty. Even bird dandruff is pretty.

Let this be a lesson to you, the next time you think your footprint in time is banal and squalid. This is the print made by a bird who flew into a window; he left behind his image in dandruff. So the next time you’re feeling like your life is dull and meaningless, remember this dandruff print and let fly, Andrew WK style!

Andrew WK gets his freak on with Conan

There, don’t you feel all One With The Cosmos again? If that doesn’t do it, skip over to our old blog buddy LettersHomeToYou and read the Desiderata for Bloggers.

Stumble aimlessly amid the trolls and waste, but remember what peace there be in staring at your toes for a couple of weeks. As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all readers. Publish your posts quietly and clearly, and listen to podcasts, even the dull and garbled, for they too have a right to hog bandwidth. Avoid loud and aggressive bloggers. They are pains in the ass.

Vox, dude!

Except for the part about the podcasters. I’m not so sure about those guys; after all, when regular radio is as bad as it is right at this moment, who needs to listen to a bunch of amateurs for poorly-formed opinions, delivered in garbled and techo-tarded fashion? Also: bandwidth is cheap now!

Ah, sic transit gloria monday. I always wondered what happened to gloria tuesday. Guess she drove instead of taking the bus. And how were they both related to TGI Friday?

Where was I? Oh yes, posterity. Click over the jump to see what the rich and famous did today that’s going down in history. Or, in the case of political mistresses, going down on history. And I totally stole that joke from a 30-year-old Vanity Fair magazine.

Batman shows off his Buggysnake, his birds, and his Bat Moves in Badass Brazilian Bat Dance Action! (raincoaster)

Name That Sock! Holey celebrity footwear, Batman, whoever that is should be arrested! (Ayyyy)

Blogger pimps out own social media workshops in shocking gossip link roundup non sequitur! (raincoastermedia)

Axl Rose, living avatar of Don’t Dad, thunders towards the stage edge, and a hundred fans leap backwards rather than be crushed beneath him like so many twiglets under an orca. (Lolebrity)

Game of Thrones recap: all the news you ever wanted on the best series you’re probably not watching. (Crasstalk)

Cambridge Scholar? You might be good enough to sign on as a servant at Casa Goopy. Yes, it’ll be torture working for her, but think of the book deal! (AgentBedhead)

It’s a man, baby! Blind item not quite as blind as this retro leading man might wish. (BusyBeeBlogger)

NOBODY ignores Anna Wintour and lives. Sienna Miller had better start saying her prayers (and also laying off the facial fillers). (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Did Jessica Biel get her pity fuck after all? Gerard Butler says…she’ll take what she can get; wouldn’t you? (CelebritySmack)

Strangely, I don’t recall the nude scene in Shakespeare. That’s not going to stop this underage starlet, though! (CelebVIPLounge)

Lauryn Hill is a Duggar at heart! She’s Sexto-Mom! (DailyStab)

Whiner Weiner’s weiner winner! Hey, there’s a reason they call it “congress”! (EarSucker)

I’m not sure if that’s a wardrobe malfunction or the best idea EVER! Justin Timberlake can lift and separate me any time! (FitFabCeleb)

Dear ScarJo: ProTip: this is not how you protect your privacy. You’re welcome. (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Jennifer Aniston would really, really like you to believe her this time, and so would both their publicists. (HaveUHeard)

There will be no One Night in Jennifer Lopez tape. Not if Jennifer Lopez can help it. (HollywoodHiccups)

Photo PROOF Gerard Butler looks like the Great Gazoo! I’m not kidding, people. Cannot be unseen! (INeedMyFix)

Is this a photo of Jack Black playing with himself on the red carpet? Yes. Yes, I’m pretty sure that it is. (MathewGuiver)

Rafael Nadal shows you one reason to love white jeans. Well, technically this might be two reasons… (SwoonWorthy)

Selah.