For the Record: Assange, Asylum, and Assumptions

Julian Assange Smug Life. I got 99 problems but a snitch ain't one

Julian Assange Smug Life. I got 99 problems but a snitch ain’t one

Just because I’m going on the road tomorrow and will be away from my computer and THE WAY THIS WEEK IS GOING I EXPECT ALL THE AWESOME ASSANGE/ANONYMOUS/HACKER STORIES TO BREAK WHILE I’M OFFLINE, I’m putting this here so I can be smug later.

Not that I’m not smug by default. But, you know, more. In writing.

It is perfectly clear to anyone with their head screwed on straight that Julian Assange is going to be granted asylum by Ecuador.

On August 12, after 613 days of Assange’s detention (53 of which have been spent at the Ecuadorian embassy in London), WikiLeaks tweeted that an announcement by president Rafael Correa was imminent. Leaving nothing to chance, it used Twitlonger to offer instructions to supporters in case a) the request for asylum was granted or b) things got complicated.

As seems inevitable in every WikiLeaks story, things got complicated….

  • Ecuador announced that, gee, there sure was a lot of material to go over and it would be Wednesday at least before any announcement would be made.
  • Then, unnamed Ecuadorian officials in Quito today would told the Guardian that Assange would certainly be granted asylum, done deal, all over but the fat lady singing.
  • Then, President Correa, apparently not one to take leakers on his own staff lying down, subsequently took to Twitter to specifically deny the rumor, while shedding no light on his possible decision.

It has been perfectly obvious since the moment we all heard he’d materialized within the embassy (somehow…without being seen) that he would get asylum. Julian Assange is not a guy who throws himself on the mercy of random governments without making sure he’ll have a soft landing.

He hasn’t been seen since. He hasn’t even done a Skype video interview, and again, mark my words: if Julian Assange can’t handle some simple call forwarding magic then I’m Hillary Fucking Clinton. Knowmasayin’?

He hasn’t been seen in public, in fact, since May 24, when he appeared wearing a black “Emergency” Anonymous mask created by WikiLeaks Truck artist Clark Stoekley. And before that, other than one RT interview, not for another whole month or so. He said he missed his final extradition appeal ruling because he was, “Stuck in traffic.” Hell, I’ve used that one myself.

Julian Assange is, if he wasn’t before, officially a man of mystery.

But there’s no mystery about his fate. He’s allegedly been holed up in that embassy for something like 55 days, the Ecuadorian decision having been deferred till after the Olympics closed, no doubt at the request of the UK, who didn’t want to be upstaged, what with organizing all the athletes and the Spice Girls and everything.

The entire span of time has been nothing more than an elaborate stall, to allow Ecuador and the UK to work out some plausible way he could end up out of the UK’s hands (“not my chair, not my problem,” says Cups Lizard) and in Ecuador. Technically, there’s the issue of getting the body out of the embassy and across UK territory to either a boat outside the legal territory of the UK or, conceivably, an aircraft or space ship outside of UK airspace.

Barring the timely arrival of the TARDIS, it seems impossible, unless Assange is equipped with the forepaws of an enormous groundhog (and where do you get those out of season? I ask you) for tunnelling under the Atlantic ocean.

Mark my words, Julian Assange will be granted asylum, you won’t hear how he gets out of the embassy (unless they can pull something plausible out their asses at the last minute), and he will materialize in Quito, probably by Thursday.

Almost certainly while I’m away from the computer, not that I’m overpersonalizing things.

8 thoughts on “For the Record: Assange, Asylum, and Assumptions

  1. Just wanna say I believe you and I want to know if you have a secret lie of communication with him because so far you have been ahead of everyone else. Have fun this week!

  2. Ha! I wish! No, I’ve never communicated with Julian Assange as far as I know, except to @ Wikileaks on Twitter sometimes and bitch them out for not rt’ing me.

  3. And the reason the UK is threatening to storm the embassy today is to make it look more like Assange is actually in there and less like I’m right. Yep, the world revolves around moi.

  4. Pingback: Ecuador says UK threatens to raid embassy over Assange – Yahoo! News | Nader Nazemi

  5. Pingback: Decision made on Assange asylum | Bazaar Daily News

  6. yeah well, back in my day networks were all noevll based, and computer departments didnt understand the vagueries of the bindary.Simple things like inherited permissions and group management escaped them, so I found my way into places I shouldnt be, and even had fun looking through the back database of the library system, etcI also created a little program, kinda like an early remote assistance, that I could help or snoop on fellow computers.anyway, comp department got wind of this, and one day did a very over the top heavily takedown of me and my group one day in a computer lab, it was dozens of guys grabbing just a couple daggy uni studentsinitally i kept my mouth shut, because i was chem, and my posse was electrical, but once they realised i was the brains they even went on to interview my high school comp teachers who said i was capable of virus writing !after that they kept real close tabs on me, and I even starting hanging out with their security’ expert pointing out flaws in the system, and I even worked with a couple of comp-sci lecturers on odd projectsfunnily enough, all that busieness was though of a distraction at the time by those around me, but in hindsight it was the best training uni could have given me for my eventual programming experiences.go figure .VN:F [1.9.20_1166](from 0 votes)

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