Under the Planet of the #Covid19 #BriefingBingo

Previous Covid Briefing Bingo cards:

So, here we are again. Back to (semi-)regular briefings, and back to mid-March infection levels, or even surpassing them. What the HELL, people? This is your fault. Yes. Yes, it is.

To be honest, I have 14 first cousins, all of whom live in Ontario, my family has been here for in excess of two hundred years, and I graduated from high school here, and I can’t think of 100 Ontarians I’d care to be in close contact with. My contact list is: the dog and The Roommate. And I don’t get too close to The Roommate.

Anyhoodle, it’s time and past time to do the Briefing Bingo, so here we go.

We have, finally, a new Fourth Generation Bingo Card, featuring the well-loved “building back better” catchphrase which, if it’s anything like “from coast to coast to coast” will never be heard again. But you know what?

Here’s our briefing video for today, and the action starts at the seven-minute mark. If you’re impatient like The Roommate and just want to get to the PM, that’s 30 minutes in. The rest of the time he just hangs around being an extra.

Here we go:

Immediately we have action on the “on location” and “extras” boxes. And the Maple Leaf Accessory box, and blue suit as well.

Oooh, they have fancy mats, not just gaffer tape X’s, to mark their, uh, marks.

“Snufalupagus?” Well, you were probably close to the actual name. Even Doug Ford screwed up. And he got “Dias” wrong, and that takes some doing.

And there you go, tick off the “My aunt calls during the briefing” square.

Got to say, I’m always thrilled when an actual federal politician’s French is worse than mine. I’d get that French passport I’m always talking about, only I’m terrified they’ll speak to me in French and I’ll look like a dolt. Also must say I’m glad I don’t do these for Doug Ford, because I’d get tired of typing the word “Ontario” three times every sentence.

Kind of interesting that they’re using the Prime Minister basically as a prop in most of this briefing. And there goes the sound again. Again. Again. Again. Oh, and there’s your Doug Ford Bromance square. I put that in, right?

$295 million from the federal government, and $295 million from the provincial government to Ford. Gee, wish I owned Ford. Whatever happened to Ballard? Oh, right: Tesla killed them.

Am rather surprised that, with the federal government’s focus on standardization, they haven’t mandated official “federal government masks” complete with maple leaf and poppy for November. But there’s still time.

And there’s the “App” square! I knew it would be there. And “Contact Tracing” in spades!

Does Bains EVER blink?

And you can tick off your “gesticulates” square but not your “drinks water” square unless I missed something. Let me know.

Uh, my website is offline? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, what’s going on? It’s @wordpressdotcom, that simply shouldn’t be possible. And I doubt #BriefingBingo is THAT popular. That said hate clicks are clicks. Click away.

In the questions from media: Nice zinger there to Ford, who eliminated government supports for electric cars. Today, of course, is all about announcing Ford Automotive in Ontario pivoting to make electric cars. Trudeau took that hit for Ford (technical difficulties) Mark off your technical difficulties square.

Okay, there we go. “Shades the US” when Trudeau says he did not watch the American debates. “I don’t comment or weigh in on American political processes” and says he wants “a clean transition”. Hmmm. Hummmm. Errybody knows who Trudeau wants to win that shitshow.

That reporter sounds really nervous. Oh well, she powered through it.

AHA! There it is. “Building back better.”

Softball about the bromance between Ford and Trudeau, a great opportunity for Neoliberal centralism and commonality. Except they’re both talking at the same time. Trudeau gets the mic over his Tory best bud, of course, because Ottawa>Etobicoke. But Ford AGAIN uh, “fails to disappoint” me as much as I had anticipated. *shudders* don’t make me say that twice. Not where anyone can hear.

And “Technical issues” are certainly a square, so tick that one off. PM admitting there were issues, but we got through it anyway. Spinning straw into metaphors is a big part of the job.

And that’s a wrap. See you next whenever, or possibly several hours after the next whenever if I sleep in again.

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