Curse of the Covid Briefing Bingo

So, here we are kittens. Still naming these after Paul Naschy werewolf movies; in this case, Curse of the Devil or El Retorno de Walpurgis in the original. Why?

Because it’s 2020 and nothing makes sense anymore, that’s why.

El Retorno de Covid Briefing Bingo might have been a better title.


Today we announce our brand spanking new Sixth Generation Covid Briefing Bingo Card, featuring even more ensemble-oriented content. And hey, do me a favour: if you’re sharing these cards around, oh, I dunno, some random Canadian civil servant Slack or the like, maybe include a link to this blog, eh? Because it’s only right and good to credit the creator and last time we had something like 600 downloads and only 45 hits on the blog, and that JUST AIN’T RIGHT, PEOPLE!

It ain’t right.

it ain’t and you know it

Play one card or play them all to win fabulous, completely imaginary prizes:

and here is our video from CPAC. Love how the person in charge of pre-loading these videos always says that it will go live at 420. Somebody has a sense of humour.

At a news conference on Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau provides an update on the federal government’s response to the COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. He is joined by federal ministers Navdeep Bains (innovation, science and industry) and Dominic LeBlanc (intergovernmental affairs), as well as Dr. Theresa Tam (Canada’s chief public health officer) and Dr. Howard Njoo (the deputy chief public health officer).

You can mark off your “Someone appears via videoscreen” square, and don’t neglect the new squares on the Sixth generation card. And we’ve got “Wears brown shoes with a blue suit WHICH IS JUST MORALLY WRONG”. And also “Audio issues” because the sound and video are not synched up.

Also “Begins in English, and “Maple Leaf Accessory.” I’m not so sure about that tie. It looks like something a preschooler would pick out, but it probably cost more than my day rate.

Does an extension of an existing program count as “Finds a new way to give Canadians money”? What the hell, mark it.

“Calgary” sounds funny in French. It just does, people. Funnier even than “Saskatchewan”. Listen for yourself.

Bains NEVER blinks. I mean, never ever blinks. That’s a great colour combination, that oxblood and grey. “Building back better” there you go. Minister Bains comes through for you.

3350+ new cases diagnosed daily, and an average of 44 deaths per day. And a vaccine is expected in early 2021. Good news there. Dr. Tam explains how limited supplies of vaccines will be parceled out to medical workers, etc, first.

There you go, “The Three C’s” which is on the 6th generation card. I knew we’d get it. Oh, and look: Dr. Njoo’s poppy is different. We have poppy diversity! #PeakCanada

Interesting, everyone is wearing their masks at the desk except when they are speaking. That’s new, and seems wise; analogous to wearing your mask in a restaurant when you’re not eating.

And we get “Drinks water” and “Addresses reporter by name. We still have that weird de-synch between audio and video, but it’s much less distracting when one is typing. AHA! “Someone says ‘sorry'” square active. Most Canadian square ever!

And Trudeau now mentions that he’s trying to wear a mask whenever possible, like when sitting on a panel not talking.

And there we have “donc” so mark that square. I love that word. Who knows why? And now mark off “Dr Njoo doesn’t wear his glasses.” I didn’t honestly think we’d ever get that square, but here it is! Who says this game isn’t exciting and fast-paced?

Yep, mark off your “Sign language interpreters swapped out” which appears to happen at 12 every day. Prolly a union thing.

Oh come ON! My French is improving, but it’s not good enough to handle a question and answer neither of which are translated. Thanks, moderator, for catching it shortly after this question that I completely missed.

I’m going to count this question Dr Tam is answering as “Pushes responsibility to provinces” because she’s always asked why she doesn’t lay down national rules about Covid-19. The answer doesn’t change.

Trudeau looks very serious when asked about the European report on the US election, but he gives you a Very Serious No Comment, which is basically what he does every time, with varying degrees of seriousness.

“What do you need to see before Canada congratulates the winner”? That’s a great question from the CBC. Trudeau replies that he’s going to wait “until the outcome is sufficiently clear” which is pretty wishy washy. But you know he’s going to wait till after it’s official. Canada always does.

The Whole Foods anti-poppy question is asked. The Minister of Veteran’s Affairs has contacted them directly. And Trudeau frames it as “a mistake” which he suggests will be “quickly corrected” but he won’t make a law about it.

It’s hard to tell with the chyron there and the sign, but I think we have “Concerned Priest Hand Clasp” so mark that off as well as “Gesticulates” on the “where are the jobs?” question.

Meanwhile, in DMs, I have like eight different people trying to get my attention RIGHT NOW:

I’m not going to count “Building back better” as alliteration, although it IS alliteration. But it’s already a square and it’s pretty common. I can be a hardass sometimes. Oh, and mark “From the very beginning” which is I think on the first card.

For the Seventh Generation card, I should have a square for “I forget my coffee in the kitchen” because guess what happened?

“Camera follows Trudeau out of the room although someone else is speaking” mark that square.

The virus does not survive on cotton very long, Dr Tam is impressed. And so am I, because cotton is cheap af.

Minister Leblanc is not going to get a chance to speak. I’m going to go ahead and call this “Technical difficulties,” so mark that square off. Dr. Tam really gets into a groove when explaining pure science like aerosol spread etc.

Original sign language interpreters are back. Yes, pretty sure they swap out so they can have a half an hour for lunch.

Oh, Minister Leblanc does get a chance to speak. So un-mark your “Technical difficulties” square. We were hasty. As was he, I mean look at that tie. Just look at it.

Dr Njoo stresses that the #Covid19 vaccines, when they become available, will be free to all Canadians. Now there’s a question from CP: why testing numbers have fallen by 10,000 a day. Dr Njoo speculates that it’s because we are now testing only certain people rather than inviting everyone to be tested.

Interesting question about the cost of additional security measures for MP’s. They are apparently NOT RCMP so who? Minister Leblanc declines comment “The most effective security measures are those which are not discussed publically”. Hard to disagree with that.

Aight, that’s the end of the press conference. You can see the whole thing collated on the website, and WITH my glorious featured image, which Twitter hates and will not show you because it’s too awesome.

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