Category Archives: Allegory

happy politically incorrect holiday!

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Louis Farakhan's Christmas Album!

Let no man, woman, child, trannie, or genderless cleric say raincoaster is PC. We are multiculti and equal-opportunity offensive here on the ol’ raincoaster blog, and here’s the proof. This just may be the most offensive Charlie Brown Christmas spoof ever recorded. Even I hesitated to post this one, but it’s just too roll on the floor hilariously offensive to keep to myself. I want all my friends to join me in outraged and barely-suppressed guffaws.

Ladies and gentlemen, be warned. Here it is in all its motherfucking glory: A Charlie Brown Kwanzaa! Do NOT say we didn’t warn you.

“Charlie Brown, of all the motherfuckers on Earth, you da motherfuckingest.”

“Another motherfucking nickel. Whoo, somebody didn’t get their welfare check today!”

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free upgrade on British Airways: one time only

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Death Takes a Holiday 

Nothing beats a free upgrade to First Class on an overseas flight, eh? The legroom, the fully-reclining seats, the super-attendant staff, the gourmet meals, the Champagne, the rapidly-stiffening corpse in the last row.

Some people will do anything to get an upgrade!

‘It was a very strange and unsettling thing to experience.

‘We were about half way into the flight and getting my head down to sleep when I heard a commotion from behind the curtain in first class.

‘Stewardesses were running up and down the aisle. There was no panic but there was a sense of urgency. The staff were very professional.

‘There was a call over the loudspeakers for a medical doctor. From where I was sitting towards the back of First Class I was aware of them performing resuscitation techniques behind the curtains as I tried to watch the in-flight movie – Mission Impossible III.’

‘I felt quite uneasy. But some passengers were being very British about it and simply not acknowledging there was anything wrong.

‘One of the stewardesses then came to me and said there was some rather bad news. There had been a death on board.

‘She asked would I mind awfully moving to the other side of the cabin because they needed to bring the body in. The first class section was about 80 per cent full.

‘Four male stewards came I carrying the poor chap who was in his 60s or 70s and casually dressed. But he was a bit too big for them. Another passenger lent a hand as they propped him up

‘They wrapped him in a blanket and strapped him in and semi-reclined the seat. But his head was exposed and leaning to one said, as if he were asleep. I could see the top of his head throughout the flight…’

BA said the dead man was taken into First Class because business class was full.

You know, they had me until I got to that line. I mean, sure the guy’s dead and all, but I’m not seeing where it makes more sense for him to be dead in First Class than in Economy. After all, he won’t be needing any of that Champagne, and after a couple of hours he won’t be able to recline anyway.

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Mr Mojo’s Christmas

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In keeping with the season and with our quiz results, raincoaster presents Jim Morrison singing his uniquely druggy and poetic Christmas carols. And we still think he sucks.

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scared of Santa slideshow

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At least SOMEONE is having fun!

You know, there are some jobs that just don’t pay enough. Iain Dale thinks being a British MP should entitle one to a cool hundred thousand a year, but name me one MP who routinely gets peed on (Oaten‘s not still an MP, is he?) as well as screamed at, and who is forced to wear such ridiculous and overheated gear. If they made them dress funny, THEN it might be worth paying them more. I think Bozo outfits would be appropriate, don’t you? The Brits only make lawyers dress up like that nowadays, and I am sure the opportunity to dress like a relatively sane member of society circa 1986 is what attracts so many lawyers to the service of their country through politics.

Yeah, that’s what it is.

In any case, looming large among jobs you couldn’t pay me enough to do is this: Shopping Mall Santa.

And why? Let’s examine this Chicago Tribune slideshow of over 60 photos dating back to the Fifties. It’s entitled Scared of Santa, and for obvious reasons. Enjoy.

As for me and my sibling-unit, the only time we had such an incident was one time my sister, a mere toddler in a velvet miniskirt, misunderstood the way the deal worked and demanded her present before she would leave Santa‘s lap. This was, naturally, refused. Through the sonic firestorm that ensued, my father had difficulty making the actual terms understood, and finally resorted to the old trick of picking up something shiny and throwing it off-camera, so she’d scamper off in pursuit. Worked like the proverbial charm, of course, as Santa and I exchanged confidential winks.

To this day I understand that she treasures this length of tinsel, but I do not believe that her appreciation of it at the moment of gifting was as great as Santa‘s, my father’s, or, indeed, my own.

Look! It’s V for Santa! She must be a fascist!

V for Santa

Watch out, fatman; she’s got a mean left hook!

Why I aughtta...

and sometimes it’s simply unanimous!

Santa and the boys are as of one mind

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Britney, Paris, and Lindsay revealed!

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You can even see Paris‘ herpes sores! Is that the French Foreign Lesion?

From the inimitable Gallery of the Absurd. Britney, Paris and Lindsay as Botticcelli‘s The Three Disgraces.

The Three Disgraces

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