is that a banana slug in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

pickup line algebra, yo

Here’s a charming roundup of the 30 strangest animal mating habits, courtesy of the generally neato Neatorama. Strangely, World of Warcraft-inspired pickup lines are nowhere to be found; but then, the list is limited to those species who actually do have sex.

You’ve got all the usual suspects here: your bonobos, your banana slugs, the old “exploding bee testicle” thing, but they also have a penis fencing video and a little something about snake orgies that puts some of those Zealia Bishop Yig-Mythos stories into perspective. Charming.

The annual red-garter mating balls are a big tourist attraction in Manitoba—and a source of many tales. One unsuspecting couple built a house on top of an empty snake pit one summer, only to find their property swarmed by thousands of red-sided garters returning to their traditional hibernation den in the fall. The couple quickly relocated their new house.

It is to be noted that a roundup like this often brings the realization that some humans are not all that far from those we call “beasts” if you really give it some thought.

Actually, “court” may be too strong a word: the male … basically follows her around until she gives in and lets him have her!

For those who walk on their hind legs, just a reminder: that is never going to work.

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what really happened down there?

squid vs yellow submarine, guess who wins? 

It was the Sixties; nobody was straight enough to really keep track. Still, it was a horrible shock when I found out what had actually happened to the Beatles‘ famed Yellow Submarine.

In a Summer of Love polychromatic perverse update of HP Lovecraft’s The Call of Cthulhu, the hapless yet peaceable vessel and flagship of the Flower Child Armada was seized by the forces of our recrudescent Cthulhu cult and is even now being “repurposed” for who knows what unnameable role in the coming ApoCthalypse! Checking out that last link, I think we can all understand what happened to the crew…poor sods.

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best. headline. evar.

from defrostindoors at Bridlepath, who runs the kind of site that doesn’t post undignified stuff like this.

Naturally, we have no such qualms around these parts…these parts right…here…*points*

grab that screenshot!

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website o’ the day: lolgays!

lolSanjina!

Join me, please, in extending a warm, tentacly, raincoaster embrace to lolgay.com, the newest, bestest site on the whole internets. Sure, you can has cheezeburger, but why would you want to when you know those calories go straight to your ass?

Lolcats = Web 2.0

Lolgays = Web 2.Oh!

wot u staring at?

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internet dating for dogs

Dog. Duds. What's to explain? Except the psychology of the owner... 

No, I’m not going to tell you the way to happiness on Lavalife is to Photoshop your picture into something approximating Beckham/Beckinsale. I’m talking about real internet dating for actual, quadruped-type dogs.

Because in this world of ours, people just don’t live vicariously enough, dammit!

From the New Zealand Press, via Fark.

A new matchmaking service for dogs – and virtually every other kind of domesticated pet from apes to zebras – promises to facilitate the arduous and heartbreaking process of hounding for the perfect mate.

Petpalio. com is the brainchild of Aaron Rodrigues, a 17-year-old self-styled “student entrepreneur” from Auckland.

Rodrigues said he came up with the concept after an agonising search for a canine companion for his two-year-old bichon frise, Lasie

The website, launched just over a week ago, has attracted 40 eligible pets, mostly from the United States and the United Kingdom.

One wonders if this wonderkind had any idea what the Palio actually was before he named his site Pet Palio.com. Will registrants saddle up wee Fifi or Bowser and gallop madly around a town square in Italy, frantically lashing at the faces of the other jockeys, all for the glory of a neighborhood of which they have never heard, and which they will never be able to pronounce?

I’d pay to see that.

Actually, there’s a sadness underlying this story, an unspoken sadness. What he’s not saying is what everyone at the dog park knows: there’s a reason his precious Lasie is still heartbreakingly single.

Lasie‘s only interested in real bitches.

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