Fox News: not exactly rocket scientists

or they’d have recognized this as the breakup of a Soyuz rocket over Denver, as opposed to the bullshit astronomical phenomenon they Googled in the last five minutes before air. You must listen to all the meaningless jabber that spews from this gibbering idiot. You can practically hear the marbles clacking in the vast emptiness of cranium.

…it’s amazing to me that the new anchors reporting this have no clue about what they are talking about. Extinct constellation? Quandrant-Tits? WFT?

Update! Turns out it wasn’t a meteor at all!

DENVER FIREBALL: Something from space disintegrated over Denver, Colorado, this morning around 6:20 am MST (1320 UT). Witnesses describe it as “brilliant, slow, twinkling, sparkly and full of rainbow colors.” It was not a meteor. The fireball was the decaying body of a Soyuz U rocket that launched the French COROT space telescope on Dec. 27th. The re-entry caused no damage on the ground–just a beautiful display in the sky.

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Beer! In! Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!

Beer in spaceHot on the (slightly wobbly) heels of tales of drunken astronauts at the controls of the Space Shuttle comes a delightfully scientific report on the theory and practice of, yes,

Beer! In! SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!!!

…Graduate student Kirsten Sterrett at the University of Colorado in the US wrote a thesis on fermentation in space, with support from US beer behemoth Coors. She sent a miniature brewing kit into orbit aboard a space shuttle several years ago and produced a few sips of beer. She later sampled the space brew, but because of chemicals in and near it from her analysis, it didn’t taste great by the time she tried it.

Did anyone else note that, had it tasted good, it would have been the first beverage produced by Coors that ever did.

orbit beer

But there are drawbacks. Despite advantages like no lanes in space and not much to run into, turns out there are some compelling reasons not to chug your Spud in orbit.

Unfortunately for thirsty astronauts, beer is poorly suited to space consumption because of the gas it includes. Without gravity to draw liquids to the bottoms of their stomachs, leaving gases at the top, astronauts tend to produce wet burps.

On the upside, although in the oxygen-enriched atmosphere astronauts cannot partake of beer bongs, they can, thanks to advanced and high-priority Dutch research, partake of beer balls.

I once dated a guy who had beer balls, or so he tried to tell me in the backseat of his father’s Caddy.

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intellectuLOLs

Who says Lolcats can’t be intellectual? Take a look for yourself, and resolve to feel less guilty in the future:

Schrodingers lolcat

and

Pluto Lolcat

pic o’ the day: Venus and the Moon

venus and the moon

It’s too bad we haven’t got a Dr Cornelius handy to interpret this auspicious-looking juncture for us. Does it mean that the werewolves will get laid tonight?

Photo from the ever-stunning Astronomy Photo of the Day. Click on the picture or the link to view it in full-size and astonishing detail.

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why saving daylight costs lives

Zombie rage

Because not all of us are morning people, GODDAMMIT!!!

Daylight.

Fucking.

Savings.

I want to find out who invented this, then I want to find out where he’s buried, then I want to go there and dig him up, and then I want to beat him to a fine puree using no instrument of greater delicacy than a frozen musk-ox foreleg. And if he’s not dead, I want to strangle and bury him first.

Signed,
Not A Fucking Morning Person, GODDAMMIT, all right, you motherfuckers!!!

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