Category Archives: Books

elf/human missing link found

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Ch'yeah, maybe not the missing link. I hope they take those to the drycleaner before returning them.No, it’s totally, totally true and on scientific websites and everything, so suck it unbelievers! I bet you didn’t even clap for Tink!

Alert TORn!!!

It appears that elves may be descended from humans, which kinda throws a wrench into all my Tengmar-speaking friends’ philosophies (yes, I have friends who email only in the Elvish languages of Middle Earth, and further, will not email those who only email in the Elvish languages of the Undying Lands, and no, I am not kidding; where do you think I got this strong an opinion about fandom?). Still, I have candid shots of me frightening Viggo Mortensen, so they’ll cut me a fair bit of slack.

Dr. Charles’ science blog, which I am devastated to learn does not belong to a certain Dr. Charles Dexter Ward who, after all, graduated from his course of study prior to the founding of Yale, reports that preliminary findings indicate that the missing genetic link between elves and humans has been isolated.

It’s not as straightforward as some evidence would lead us to conclude.

C'mon Aragorn, do it for me.

Remember pixies, elves, and the wee folk of legend? They were generally small, musical characters with playful natures, given to singing and dancing. In the Scandinavian folklore, elves were so musically inspired that they could dance a man to death. Were these diminutive characters originally inspired by real humans who carried a genetic variation, namely a deletion of the elastin gene that produces humans of short stature, elfin features, and intense emotional responses to music?

NPR recently ran a story on Williams Syndrome. They profiled a young man who became an excellent drummer, but who struggled in many other developmental areas such as measured IQ, fine and gross motor skills, and attention. His mother noticed that he was unusually sensitive to music as an infant. For example, the child was moved to tears by a Brahms lullaby. He possessed many of the characteristic physical features of Williams Syndrome (WS) which usually include a small upturned nose, long philtrum (upper lip length), wide mouth, full lips, small chin, puffiness around the eyes, and a prominent “starburst” or white lacy pattern on the iris of the eyes.

*runs to mirror*

I'll hold your sword for you, baby!

terror alert warnings: brown people edition

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They all need a good scrubbingWell, to be fair let’s open it right up to everybody brown, black, or off-white. Affleck, you’re lucky you’re off the Mystic Tan, that’s all I’m saying.

We here at the ol’ raincoaster blog are constantly scanning the pixelsphere, looking for the most relevant and important stories to bring you. In the absence of breaking Giant Squid news, we offer this, even though we live in Vancouver and the only persons of melanin ’round these parts have (as we have noted) been fighting terrorists since 1492. Still, on the Internet nobody can tell you’re an octoroon.

From McSweeney’s.Terror Ist Is Lamb

Whatever the case may be, you probably have the same worries that any other good American has in these troubled times. Such as “How do I properly show my love for my country?” and “How do I assure people that I don’t want to kill them?”

With these questions in mind, the Department of Homeland Security has formulated the following guidelines for you and your people based on the United States Terror Alert Levels. If you follow the simple advice below, you will significantly decrease your chances of being arrested or deported.

Terror Alert Level: Low (Green)

To be honest, this level is really just a placeholder. We needed to have a “low” level in order to have the higher levels. If we ever do hit the green level, be aware that this probably means the rest of the world has been destroyed by man-made (e.g., nuclear) or supernatural (e.g., meteor or alien death ray) forces. Whatever the case may be, take the opportunity to live it up, because as soon as Mexico gets repopulated we’ll be back up to the blue level.

and so on…

halloween costume of the year

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Alex P. Keaton and his dream dateThere was a lot of competition for this year’s top spot. The Malcolm Gladwell, being Canadian, enjoyed home team advantage, as did the Alex P. Keaton. The Tara Reid, we imagine, was popular with a certain set (an unmatched, lopsided set), and looking around the Downtown Eastside it seemed clear to me that the most popular costumes by far were the Novelty Whore and the Hipster. Unfortunately, as this is the Downtown EastSide, nobody looked as if they were in costume; everyone here dresses like an extra from Hedwig and the Angry Inch anyway. Boys, if you’re dressed like Bing Crosby, you’re not in costume. Girls, if you’re dressed like the girl in a Benny Hill sketch and you’re on East Hastings, you’re not in costume, you’re in mufti (muff-ti?). But it certainly was amusing to watch the confused looks on all those women’s faces when the guys in the cars would try to strike a deal. That’ll teach you to wait for the light at Cordova and Columbia, missy!

But finally, we have a winner. Here, via BoingBoing, is the bestest little Halloween costume ever.

a tadpole of the Elder Gods

the revenge of Socrates

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 the death of Socrates. It ain't over yet!

After an apparently-peaceful slumber of some millennia, it appears that the legended philosopher Socrates has returned to wreak vengence on his killers. ABC via Fark.

The only thing standing in the way of safeguarding Kentucky hemlocks is the lack of funding, said Tim McClure, a state forest health environmental scientist.

“If we don’t act on this and put some resources to it, we’re looking at a major problem,” McClure said at Pine Mountain State Park, the latest site to report infested [haunted, ghoul-ridden] trees… Large-scale destruction in neighboring states has cost millions.

McClure said it’s not a matter of “if” more Plato. Yeah, I'd duck if I were you.Kentucky hemlocks will be under attack, “it’s a matter of when.”

So far, the bug [revenant] has attacked at least 100 trees at Pine Mountain and Rebel Rock in Harlan County.

Plato better watch his ass.

still not dead

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illinbut whoa, totally feeling like death would be preferable.

At least my doctor established that the weird skewbalding was due to a reaction to ibuprofen, so that’s it, no more exotic pharmaceuticals for me. I’ll stick with the Dong Quai and the aspirin, thank you very much. And the Ginger Tea. It’s true what James Barber said: it does get you high. So I guess you’re still sick, but you feel awful perky about it.