so blogging will be a little erratic. That’s okay, though: I know that if you’re a reader of this blog you’re very into the erratic arts.
FYI you know how the tarmac on runways and taxiways has those rubber tire marks, in big swooping circles and straight lines and some, heart-stopping times, a series of juddering dark grey dots, fading off into the distance? Well there is one spot at YVR where some fellow who has too much time on his hands and a job that pays by the hour has taken it upon himself to apply the creative impulse to tire marks.
Yes, it’s the well-beloved classic from the Arrogant Worms, as enacted by a group of landlocked Canuckistani teenagers. These guys are evidently so Saskatchewani that they can’t even find a puddle to use as a backdrop, and make do with a playground and some barns instead. All in the adaptive, piratical spirit of the original, it must be admitted.
The Last Saskatchewan Pirate
I used to be a farmer and I made a livin’ fine
I had a little stretch of land along the CP line
But times went by and though I tried the money wasn’t there
And bankers came and took my land and told me fair is fair
I looked for every kind of job, the answer always no
“Hire you now?” they always laughed, “We just let twenty go!”
The government they promised me a measly little sum
But I’ve got too much pride to end up just another bum
Then I thought who gives a damn if all the jobs are gone
I’m going to be a pirate on the River Saskatchewan….
Arrrrrgh!
Cause it’s a Heave! Ho! Hay! Ho! Comin’ down the plains
Stealin’ wheat and barley and all the other grains
It’s a Ho! Hay! Hi! Hay! Farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina’s mighty shores
Well you’d think the local farmers would know that I’m at large
But just the other day I found an unprotected barge
I snuck up right behind them and they were none the wiser
I rammed the ship and sank it and I stole their fertilizer
A bridge outside of Moosejaw spans a mighty river
Farmers cross in so much fear their stomachs are aquiver
‘Cause they know that Tractor Jack is hiding in the bay
I’ll jump the bridge and knock them cold and sail off with their hay
Cause it’s a Heave! Ho! Hay! Ho! Comin’ down the plains
Stealin’ wheat and barley and all the other grains
It’s a Ho! Hay! Hi! Hay! Farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina’s mighty shores
Well Mountie Bob he chased me, he was always at my throat
He’d follow on the shoreline but he didn’t own a boat
But cutbacks were a comin’ and the mountie lost his job
So now he’s sailin’ with me and we call him Salty Bob
A swingin’ sword, a scull ‘n’ bones and pleasant company
I never pay my income tax and screw the G.S.T. (screw it!)
Prince Albert down to Saskatoon, the terror of the sea
If you want to reach the Co-op, boy, you gotta get by me!
Cause it’s a Heave! Ho! Hay! Ho! Comin’ down the plains
Stealin’ wheat and barley and all the other grains
It’s a Ho! Hay! Hi! Hay! Farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina’s mighty shores
Well pirate life’s appealing but you don’t just find it here
I’ve heard that in Alberta there’s a band of buccaneers
They roam the Athabaska from Smith to Fort McKay
You’re gonna lose your Stetson if you have to pass their way
Well winter is a comin’ and a chill is in the breeze
My pirate days are over when the river starts to freeze
I’ll be back in spring time, but now I have to go
I heard there’s lots of plunderin’ down in New Mexico
Cause it’s a Heave! Ho! Hay! Ho! Comin’ down the plains
Stealin’ wheat and barley and all the other grains
It’s a Ho! Hay! Hi! Hay! Farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina’s mighty shores
This is not the Arrogant Worms; this is Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie, and they are performing The War of 1812. Do try to keep your Canuckistani Comedy Troupes straight. We wouldn’t want to have to invade!
O….Come back proud Canadians,
To before you had TV.
No Hockey Night in Canada,
there was no CBC.
In 1812 Madison was mad,
He was the president you know.
Well he thought he’d tell the British where they ought to go.
He thought he’d invade Canada,
He thought that he was tough.
Instead we went to Washington,
And burned down all his stuff.
And the White House burned, burned, burned.
And we’re the ones that did it,
It burned, burned, burned.
While the president ran and cried,
It burned, burned, burned.
And things were very historical,
And the Americans ran and cried like a bunch of little babies WaWaWa
In the war of 1812.
Those hillbillies from Kentucky,
Dressed in green and red.
Left home to fight in Canada,
But they returned home dead.
It’s the only war the Yankees lost except for Vietnam.
And also the Alamo and the Bay of Ham.
The looser was America,
The winner was ourselves.
So join right in and gloat about the war of 1812.
And the White House burned, burned, burned.
And we’re the ones that did it,
It burned, burned, burned.
While the president ran and cried,
It burned, burned, burned.
And things were very historical,
And the Americans ran and cried like a bunch of little babies WaWaWa
In the war of 1812.
In 1812 we were just sitting around,
Minding our own business,
Putting crops into the ground.
We heard the soilders coming,
And we didn’t like that sound.
So we took a boat to Washington and burned it to the ground.
Oh we fired our guns but the Yankees kept on a coming,
There wasn’t quite as many as there was a while ago.
We fired once more and the Yankees started running,
Down the Mississippi to the gulf of Mexico.
They ran through the snow,
And they ran through the forest,
They ran through the bushes where the beavers wouldn’t go,
They ran so fast they forgot to take their culture,
Back to America, and Gulf and Texaco.
So if you go to Washington,
It’s building clean and nice,
Bring a pack of matches,
And we’ll burn the White House twice.
And the White House burned, burned, burned,
But the Americans wont admit it.
It burned, burned, burned…
It burned and burned and burned
It burned, burned, burned
I bet that made them mad.
And the Americans ran and cried like a bunch of little babies WaWaWa
In the war of 1812.
God, I hope I don’t get to liking this succeeding at this; I’m already online so damned much I’m thinking of getting a “Hubba Hubba Heinie” mold for my computer chair. No time for yoga, dammit! Don’t worry, it’s not as if I have anything to say anyway.
Does Odeo have a fast forward button? I’m really not feeling the iTunes monologue, but am desperate to try this Odeo thang, and me luves me some Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie, good Canadian content, so here it is.
Gee, am I CRTC approvable now? If I can figure out how to do this and liberate a microphone in the name of the people, maybe I’ll make my own.
raincoaster 