Forget Bahrain; this time Michael has gone too far.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have found it!
I feel like the Indiana Jones of the Internet. I, raincoaster, have at last, after a search of weeks, found the one true inet-cryptogasm. In defiance of my firm belief that there is nothing, no matter how awful, that does not have a fansite…
Jocelyne Wildenstein has no fansite.
Imagine that! At least she's prettier than the Segway, and probably marginally more biodegradeable, too.
Oh, cautionary mentions abound, but where is the luv for this obviously (expensively) broken and reassembled woman?
It is a woman, right?
This is the closest thing to a fansite I could find on all the mighty internet:
http://www.celebritybattles.com/celeb/Jocelyn+Wildenstein
and it says:
Jocelyn Wildenstein does not currently have any other celebrity or celebrity pictures sites listed. Jocelyn Wildenstein does not currently have any other pictures.
and, most crushingly:
Battles in Which Jocelyne Wildenstein Competes:
Question: Which girl is hotter?
Ranking: 8395/8530
Me-yow!
Well, it's just odd is all. 
Someone has gone and listed me on a sex chat aggregator.
Welcome Pervs!
I do feel guilty, knowing that someone is out there, looking for the bone-eating snotflower and I deleted the link. Awwwwwwwww. I feel something else entirely knowing that someone is out there looking for Narnia Porn and they think they'll find it on this blog. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww. Mango Porn? I luv me some juicy mango action as much as the next chick, but doesn't it sting when it gets…places? You never see any lemonade porn, do ya? But I think I am becoming obsessed with this Fatman at Starbucks. Who can this be? Was there an obesity-related incident at Starbucks that made the news and I somehow didn't see it on Fark? Maybe somebody took their venti breve mocha into the bathroom, drank it, and then couldn't get out of the stall because his ass was too wide? It would make sense; do you know how many calories are in that thing?
When I worked at Starbucks we had one regular customer @ East Hastings. He always used to get regular milk lattes, but one day he switched and asked for non-dairy creamer instead of milk for his drink. Now, that was back in the days before God invented soybeans, or at least before the Asians were desperate enough to try to milk the wee buggers, so there was no soy milk. There was milk, there was cream, and there was non-dairy creamer. The ingredients list on most of those things reads like most of the alphabet except the vowels, interrupted for a "red lake #42" now and again, for the sake of liveliness I guess. They were made from oil products, and they were virtually 100% trans-fatty acids. It was essentially like drinking plaster for your arteries, but since most people only used a teaspoon or two, it wasn't a problem really.
Not this guy.
Now, the customer is not always right, but the customer generally knows what he wants, so we gave it to him. He didn't give off clueless vibes, so we figured there was a reason. One day we were chatting, and since I'm a nosy old bitch, I decided to ask him why he'd switched. "Oh," he says, "My doctor put me on a strict low-cholesteral, low-fat diet."
GACK. And Gack again!
It reminds me of the neurasthenic Woody Allen character who came into West Fourth one evening. She had the long frizzy hair, she had the trailing, patchouli-scented scarves, she had the pointer finger silver unicorn ring. And she asked for a "non-dairy, non-fat, no-egg eggnog latte. Decaf" Swear to god, "Decaf."
And I stared at her.
After a couple of minutes of watching me not get the notte, she asked me why I wasn't getting her the drink she had ordered.
"Because God didn't mean for that to exist."
Tables comin' up!
See?
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| heritage grill vancouver | 1 |
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2006-03-20| Search | Views |
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| phoebe cates | 2 |
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Tables out!
Well, not technically. Yet. But b3ta is running a contest to photoshop what the world would look like if Google ran it. The consensus:
It looks pretty good of you’re in school.
Not so good if you’re in China:
And really, really bad if you’re in the market for advice:
So, no change.
Okay, this is JUST a little strange.
I do go to Gawker pretty much every day, but I don’t click on every link every day. I skipped this one entirely, which did not stop me from posting the exact same story in a completely different context earlier today. The blogosphere is a very strange place indeed, and apparently Frank McCourt rules it.
FMcC: So I was walking along the street one day, and I ran into one of my old students, who came up to me. He said, “Hey, Mr. McCourt! Remember me? I was one of your students!” and I said, “Yeah, Moose Klein, I remember you.” So he says, “Yeah! I was in your class at Stuy!” and I said, “Yes, Moose, I know.”
“Yeah, I was in your class for a year and a half, and because of that I’m a
raincoaster 