Trailer Trash: Leni Riefenstahl’s Triumph of the Will

The soundtrack, though: isn't that American? It makes so much sense now…

Best of Wikipedia: Index of movies by type of grisly death scene

A sample from the glorious, necrofabulous whole:Dr. Phibes Rises Again...or at least part of him does

Death from a fall into a molten substance

Death by fluid extraction

  • The Abominable Dr. Phibes, in which Vincent Price's insane physician dispatches a victim by hypnotizing him, then draining his blood, pint by pint.
  • Dr. Giggles, the Doc puts a sucking tube with blades down a patient's mouth filling a bowl with blood, etc.
  • Exorcist III, in which a patient in the hospital has all his blood drained into Dixie cups lined up neatly next to his bed.
  • Halloween II, Michael Myers puts an arm pump around a patients arm in a hospital and cuts a tiny hole under the pump. Later, victims running from Michael enter the room and a man slips on the blood from the drained and lifeless.
  • Hot Shots!, wherein a blood donor is sucked out dry during a blood extraction.
  • Interview with the Vampire, in which various minor characters have their blood drained by vampires.
  • Killer Klowns from Outer Space, in which various characters have bodily fluids sucked out by sippy straws.
  • Starship Troopers, in which a character has his brains sucked out by a "Brain Bug"
  • Tank Girl, wherein characters have all water from their body extracted.
  • War of the Worlds (2005 version), in which captured humans have blood drained from their bodies so as to grow the red weed.
  • Tuxedo, wherein Peter Stormare's character tests his bioweapon on an underling. This deadly bacteria completely dehydrates the man within seconds, leaving him a brittle and dried-out corpse.

Awesome! This should save precious hours once wasted haggling over which godawful Charlie Sheen sci-fi to watch. The one with the exploding skulls, or the one with the blender scene? How much more efficient computers have made us, and what marvelous levels of achievement we are able to attain with the time thus gifted to us. Like getting really good at PS2.

Update on the Market for Virgins

$7,000 is your basic starting bid, apparently.Virgin. Yeah, they look like virgins to me. Then again, I thought Freddie Mercury was straight! But maybe Wisconsin virgins are just pricier than Oklahoma ones.

APPLETON, Wis. Apr 21, 2006 (AP)— A man raising his 18-month-old daughter alone tried to sell the little girl for $7,000 so he could make improvements to his house, police said Friday.

PSA:personal ad of the week

"I'm just somebody who is getting up there in years, and I'm looking for a born-again, God-fearing virgin between the ages of 12 and 24 who can bear me children," says Michael Thelemann.Virgins. Virgins, the lot of 'em. But they're all too old for him!

Yesterday, Thelemann posted a new sign, omitting his age requirements and specifying that he's not looking for a "pig-worshipping, heathen, white-supremacist wife."

At least he's not being choosy, eh? But since he's only offering a thousand, it seems to me he's somewhat out of touch with the market for virgins, even in Oklahoma. My mother was offered forty racing camels for me!

Piper goes up uncontrolled pipeline!

"Our best bet was to use mineral oil, lube her up as best we could, and then try to pop her head out."

No, seriously. This is a legitimate news story!

"She was hyperventilating. Obviously, we didn't how long she'd been in the pipe," said Fulbright. "The best we could estimate, she'd been in there two hours. Our best bet was to use mineral oil, lube her up as best we could, and then try to pop her head out. Fortunately, that's what occurred."

Meanwhile, in San Salvador, authorities at La Esperanza Prison caught Lidia Alvarado, 44, trying to smuggle contraband in to her boyfriend. They found she was carrying some marijuana and a grenade … in her vagina.

Upon inspection cops found the 10-inch-long M-67 grenade to be "in working order."

Police have raised the security alert level at prisons all across the country. They suspect "the inmates are planning something."

Meanwhile in Texas, Piper is being held for 72 hours in the event someone claims her. If not, she'll be put up for adoption.

Both the grenade and the pipe were four inches wide.