No, really. This Flash animation from Maps of War and via Fark, shows five thousand years of history in ninety seconds, and all of a sudden things make a lot more sense. Heck, I’m Christian and even I’d forgotten about the Crusader Kingdoms; I guess in Iraq and Afghanistan we have version 2.0. Well, this puts it into perspective, let’s just say that.
Who has controlled the Middle East over the course of history? Pretty much everyone. Egyptians, Turks, Jews, Romans, Arabs, Greeks, Persians, Europeans…the list goes on. Who will control the Middle East today? That is a much bigger question.
Yes, it’s the well-beloved classic from the Arrogant Worms, as enacted by a group of landlocked Canuckistani teenagers. These guys are evidently so Saskatchewani that they can’t even find a puddle to use as a backdrop, and make do with a playground and some barns instead. All in the adaptive, piratical spirit of the original, it must be admitted.
The Last Saskatchewan Pirate
I used to be a farmer and I made a livin’ fine
I had a little stretch of land along the CP line
But times went by and though I tried the money wasn’t there
And bankers came and took my land and told me fair is fair
I looked for every kind of job, the answer always no
“Hire you now?” they always laughed, “We just let twenty go!”
The government they promised me a measly little sum
But I’ve got too much pride to end up just another bum
Then I thought who gives a damn if all the jobs are gone
I’m going to be a pirate on the River Saskatchewan….
Arrrrrgh!
Cause it’s a Heave! Ho! Hay! Ho! Comin’ down the plains
Stealin’ wheat and barley and all the other grains
It’s a Ho! Hay! Hi! Hay! Farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina’s mighty shores
Well you’d think the local farmers would know that I’m at large
But just the other day I found an unprotected barge
I snuck up right behind them and they were none the wiser
I rammed the ship and sank it and I stole their fertilizer
A bridge outside of Moosejaw spans a mighty river
Farmers cross in so much fear their stomachs are aquiver
‘Cause they know that Tractor Jack is hiding in the bay
I’ll jump the bridge and knock them cold and sail off with their hay
Cause it’s a Heave! Ho! Hay! Ho! Comin’ down the plains
Stealin’ wheat and barley and all the other grains
It’s a Ho! Hay! Hi! Hay! Farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina’s mighty shores
Well Mountie Bob he chased me, he was always at my throat
He’d follow on the shoreline but he didn’t own a boat
But cutbacks were a comin’ and the mountie lost his job
So now he’s sailin’ with me and we call him Salty Bob
A swingin’ sword, a scull ‘n’ bones and pleasant company
I never pay my income tax and screw the G.S.T. (screw it!)
Prince Albert down to Saskatoon, the terror of the sea
If you want to reach the Co-op, boy, you gotta get by me!
Cause it’s a Heave! Ho! Hay! Ho! Comin’ down the plains
Stealin’ wheat and barley and all the other grains
It’s a Ho! Hay! Hi! Hay! Farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina’s mighty shores
Well pirate life’s appealing but you don’t just find it here
I’ve heard that in Alberta there’s a band of buccaneers
They roam the Athabaska from Smith to Fort McKay
You’re gonna lose your Stetson if you have to pass their way
Well winter is a comin’ and a chill is in the breeze
My pirate days are over when the river starts to freeze
I’ll be back in spring time, but now I have to go
I heard there’s lots of plunderin’ down in New Mexico
Cause it’s a Heave! Ho! Hay! Ho! Comin’ down the plains
Stealin’ wheat and barley and all the other grains
It’s a Ho! Hay! Hi! Hay! Farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina’s mighty shores
This is not the Arrogant Worms; this is Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie, and they are performing The War of 1812. Do try to keep your Canuckistani Comedy Troupes straight. We wouldn’t want to have to invade!
O….Come back proud Canadians,
To before you had TV.
No Hockey Night in Canada,
there was no CBC.
In 1812 Madison was mad,
He was the president you know.
Well he thought he’d tell the British where they ought to go.
He thought he’d invade Canada,
He thought that he was tough.
Instead we went to Washington,
And burned down all his stuff.
And the White House burned, burned, burned.
And we’re the ones that did it,
It burned, burned, burned.
While the president ran and cried,
It burned, burned, burned.
And things were very historical,
And the Americans ran and cried like a bunch of little babies WaWaWa
In the war of 1812.
Those hillbillies from Kentucky,
Dressed in green and red.
Left home to fight in Canada,
But they returned home dead.
It’s the only war the Yankees lost except for Vietnam.
And also the Alamo and the Bay of Ham.
The looser was America,
The winner was ourselves.
So join right in and gloat about the war of 1812.
And the White House burned, burned, burned.
And we’re the ones that did it,
It burned, burned, burned.
While the president ran and cried,
It burned, burned, burned.
And things were very historical,
And the Americans ran and cried like a bunch of little babies WaWaWa
In the war of 1812.
In 1812 we were just sitting around,
Minding our own business,
Putting crops into the ground.
We heard the soilders coming,
And we didn’t like that sound.
So we took a boat to Washington and burned it to the ground.
Oh we fired our guns but the Yankees kept on a coming,
There wasn’t quite as many as there was a while ago.
We fired once more and the Yankees started running,
Down the Mississippi to the gulf of Mexico.
They ran through the snow,
And they ran through the forest,
They ran through the bushes where the beavers wouldn’t go,
They ran so fast they forgot to take their culture,
Back to America, and Gulf and Texaco.
So if you go to Washington,
It’s building clean and nice,
Bring a pack of matches,
And we’ll burn the White House twice.
And the White House burned, burned, burned,
But the Americans wont admit it.
It burned, burned, burned…
It burned and burned and burned
It burned, burned, burned
I bet that made them mad.
And the Americans ran and cried like a bunch of little babies WaWaWa
In the war of 1812.
Bluey, they called him. I guess they’ve got creativity rationing in place in Blighty. And maybe not so much “Giant” as “Really more than you could eat at one sitting.”
Anyhow, this Ananova report is the third in the “bizarrely-coloured lobster” series, a semi-regular feature on the raincoaster blog. He wins on sheer size and age; he’s around my age! Wonder if he’s got a blog, too.
Zahra d’Aronville, from Blue Reef, said: “Bluey is quite an unusual lobster. Scientists say that only one in every three to five million is this colour.
“He has been very lucky to survive because being so blue he is quite easy to spot by predators.
“Lobsters this colour usually get eaten when they are much younger and smaller so it is very unusual to see a lobster of this colour so big.”
Why suspend the habeas corpus in insurrections and rebellions? The parties who may be arrested may be charged instantly with a well defined crime; of course, the judge will remand them. If the public safety requires that the government should have a man imprisoned on less probable testimony in those than in other emergencies, let him be taken and tried, retaken and retried, while the necessity continues, only giving him redress against the government for damages.
Examine the history of England. See how few of the cases of the suspension of the habeas corpus law have been worthy of that suspension. They have been either real treasons, wherein the parties might as well have been charged at once, or sham plots, where it was shameful they should ever have been suspected. Yet for the few cases wherein the suspension of the habeas corpus has done real good, that operation is now become habitual and the minds of the nation almost prepared to live under its constant suspension.
raincoaster 