Update: raincoaster has discovered that the following is an Urban Legend. See the comments section for an update from Sean Heather, and stand by for a new post with the true story. Live and learn; thus are myths born. 

Wednesday, October 02, 2002

I know a little bit about Sean Heather.

And I know a little bit about Fireman.

And I say it was 50/50. But what do I know?

There's a big painting hanging on the wall of the Irish Heather, a big whopper of a canvas with a lively depiction of the staff, the owners and a great many of the regulars, all much bigger and grinnier than in the life, but then that is how Fireman paints them.

Now, guess what Fireman does for a dayjob. Right the first time! But when he is not climbing ladders to rescue kitties or hauling hose to quench flames he is a painter and caricaturiste extraordinaire, vraiment, and in the true artistic tradition he has been known to be just a bit…sensitive…sometimes. Not that that is bad, but I think we can all give thanks that he does not apply the same exquisite sense of discretion and inspiration to, say, answering a fire alarm as he does to, say, painting the staff, owners and regulars of a pub.

Now they say he did two of them, the big paintings. And they hung one up in the front of the bar, right where everyone could see it and say, gee your chin isn't nearly that pointy or other silky phrases, depending on if they knew she was married. What they did with the other does not matter, which is good, as I do not know.

But they did not pay very promptly, or not very well, or somehow not to the liking of the Fireman, he of the artistic temperament. Oh, can't you just see this coming?

One evening the place was in full swing. The walls can throb, it gets that busy, and it was, it was that busy, that night. And Fireman walks in. Without a word to anybody he walks over to the built-in seating along the wall, hops up on it (being not only artistic but also, apparently, flexible too) stares eye to eye with the image of Sean Heather in his very own painting. Then, keeping the stare going he takes a knife out of his pocket and slowly cuts the face out. He puts the knife back in his pocket. He puts the face in his pocket. He gets down. He walks out.

I believe the bill was settled shortly after that, and the second painting is the one you see.