Category Archives: Culture

The T Factor: Brits Abroad

Posted on by

Twot or not? 

Although, according to research, not quite as broad as Americans. But that's neither here nor there.

The Brits are travel-happy. In fact, one of the biggest issues in the recent election there was "Damn and blast, how is a simple working man supposed to fly the family to Marbella for some sun once a year, Verbier for a little exercise, Paris for some shopping, and Florence for a nice little walking tour every now and again, and still feel that he's doing his part to keep the planet free from excess pollutants???"

Well, quite.

With a culture like that, you'd expect that most Brits would know, oh, I dunno, like the first thing about travelling? I've only ever been to the US and one trip to the tropics, so I cannot lay claim to any great sophistication here, but even I know that there are, ferinstance, fishy-type things in the sea. I mean, in England you can just walk to it; surely there's no excuse for this if you come from Blighty. Hell, if you come from Saskatchewan you still know there are fish in that big outdoor watery thing, whether it's a lake or an ocean.

Anyhoo, without further ado, we present some of the complaints lodged with UK travel companies by greviously aggreived tourists.

A company insider said: 'People are much more aware of their rights nowadays and much more tempted to blame someone if something goes wrong. We have noticed a surge in weird complaints over the last few years.

'Their instinct is to lash out and blame someone, and because it's such a litigious culture, people always think the travel company must be to blame.'

The Association of British Travel Agents said recently that a couple cancelled a two-week break in Majorca and demanded a refund because of the risk of contracting the SARS virus.

It was pointed out to them that Majorca was not affected by SARS, but they insisted on cancelling anyway.

Then they sued to get their cancellation fee back. And here is a small roundup from the article:

No one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled…

My fiance and I booked a twin-bedded room and we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the rooms that we booked…

The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers, will we be OK staying here..?

It took us nine hours to fly to Jamaica from England – it only took the Americans three hours…

It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel… I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller…

I was bitten by a mosquito – no one said they could bite…Shirley Valentine, they know not what the hell they do

We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white…

We had to queue outside with no air conditioning…

…And finally, from a holidaymaker in Spain:

There were too many Spanish people. The receptionist spoke Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners.

We Like the Moon!

Posted on by

God, do we love it! Working through my YouTube obsession, here is my very favoritiest music video ever, from RatherGood, the Spongmonkeys (note spelling!) performing their hit We Like the Moon.

The Next Clay Aiken

Posted on by

Some kid named Andy, covering the Leonard Nimoy version of “If I Had a Hammer.” I shit thee not.

Kid woulda kicked Clarkson‘s ass, too.

Okay, fine. Take your bloody video down. Use the world’s most powerful communication tool to … keep things to yourself.

Whatever.

I’ll post this instead! So there, nyah!

Tremble, mortals! The Mighty God of Thunder has lost his magical hammer and embarks on his quest for a new one – at the local DIY store…
Posted by Amputee Chicken. I want to know what happened to Thor’s legs…is that why he needed the goats?

And if you fancy a bit of karaoke, click on the above link for a nice Moog-tastic accompaniment. Lyrics here:

If I had a hammer
I’d hammer in the morning
I’d hammer in the evening … all over this land,
I’d hammer out danger
I’d hammer out a warning
I’d hammer out love between all of my brothers and my sisters
All over this land.

If I had a bell
I’d ring it in the morning
I’d ring it in the evening … all over this land,
I’d ring out danger
I’d ring out a warning
I’d ring out love between all of my brothers and my sisters
All over this land.

If I had a song
I’d sing it in the morning
I’d sing it in the evening … all over this world,
I’d sing out danger
I’d sing out a warning
I’d sing out love between all of my brothers and my sisters
All over this land.

If I’ve got a hammer
And I’ve got a bell
And I’ve got a song to sing … all over this land,
It’s a hammer of justice
It’s a bell of freedom
It’s a song about love between all of my brothers and my sisters
All over this land.

Et tu, Shatner?

Posted on by

Proof positive that rap is nothing more and nothing less than verse delivered in a particularly emphatic style. If you read some of the best ancient Greek verse in the original you can see that it would fall naturally into these kinds of rhythms. And here we have a selection from Shakespeare that seems to work pretty darn well. But really, whodathunk that the evidence for this scholarly theory would come from Great Canadian Celebrity the Shat?

Your HandyDandy Rapalong Guide

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones;
So let it be with Caesar. The noble Brutus
Hath told you Caesar was ambitious:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath Caesar answer’d it.
Here, under leave of Brutus and the rest–
For Brutus is an honourable man;
So are they all, all honourable men–
Come I to speak in Caesar’s funeral.
He was my friend, faithful and just to me:
But Brutus says he was ambitious;
And Brutus is an honourable man.
He hath brought many captives home to Rome
Whose ransoms did the general coffers fill:
Did this in Caesar seem ambitious?
When that the poor have cried, Caesar hath wept:
Ambition should be made of sterner stuff:
Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;
And Brutus is an honourable man.
You all did see that on the Lupercal
I thrice presented him a kingly crown,
Which he did thrice refuse: was this ambition?
Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;
And, sure, he is an honourable man.
I speak not to disprove what Brutus spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love him once, not without cause:
What cause withholds you then, to mourn for him?
O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason. Bear with me;
My heart is in the coffin there with Caesar,
And I must pause till it come back to me.

PSA: How to Survive a Cougar Attack

Posted on by

How to survive a cougar attack

I have no idea where that image came from, but it’s an invaluable warning. Click here for a more detailed version. Not all cultures are familiar with the terminology “cougar” but I assure you that you know the type. Think Joan Collins as fortysomething divorcee, only without the fame, career, or money. Think leopard-print halter top over pressed jeans. Think expensive bag and shoes, fruity, mild-tasting cocktails with a nonetheless lethal kick, eg Cosmos. Really old cougars drink rum & diet coke, and would drink it straight from the bottle if it came like that.

The natural habitat of the cougar is the bar rail, just before closing time, and they can often be found at Dicks on Dicks, the Roxy, and anywhere with an Eighties night, where they will try not to show they know the words to every song.

While Vancouver is a known cougar-friendly habitat, South Oregonians are taking the situation into their own hands.

Sally Mackler, wildlife chairwoman for the Oregon Chapter of the Sierra Club, said she’s sympathetic to residents who’ve had run-ins with cougars, but rural residents have to learn to deal with the risks.

“It’s a UFO, Elvis-sighting kind of thing,” she said. “Cougars haven’t killed or attacked anyone locally.”

Yet.

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank