From the truly amusing Modern Drunkard magazine, and coming, as all good things do, through the Baby Jebus.
54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean.
14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.
15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.
16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.
Speaking of things that will end badly, how about this one: this poor 20 year old soldier gets killed in action, and his morbidly monomaniacal parental units have the cold, dead corpse’s shrivelled scrota pumped for sperm, which the hospital then holds for whatever nefarious purposes hospitals need dead boys’s sperm for, but the parents sue, claiming (not without some justification there, it must be said) that those are their genes, not the hospital’s, which suit they win, and, upon gaining custody of the precious vials of spooge they then proceed to advertise them internationally in, I suppose, the personals section of Goth magazines and such, looking for a zombie-positive woman with, presumably, no real-life prospects, and who wishes to give birth to the child there is no evidence this poor kid ever wanted.
Lesson: wank before war, boys! If whatever creepy Doctor Phibes impersonator the parents hired had not found any sperm, all would have been well. You know this is gonna be one hell of a Jerry Springer show!
From the BBC. I have no idea how I got there, and if I did post the intermediary websites, no doubt they’d all deny it!
The lawyer of an Israeli couple who won the right to use their dead son’s sperm to inseminate a woman he never met says the case is a boost for family rights.
Irit Rosenblum told the BBC the landmark ruling meant family lines could continue even without the written consent of the male prior to death.
The dead man, soldier Keivin Cohen, was killed in the Gaza Strip in 2002.
You may now commence retelling your J-Date horror stories, but no way will they top this. This one’s got a lock on the Controlling Mother of the Year Award.
A totally diet safe cake heartlessly stolen from curiously crafty. One has to wonder what they get up to there, messing around with people’s cake, but then they don’t take it to any great extent, as is obvious here.
Tell me I’m not into service journalism! Puh-leeze, I’m all about the service pieces, and here’s one of the most useful I’ve come across: How to decode women’s personal ads. The world does not need “how to decode men’s personal ads” because they all translate into “if you show up, I will fuck you.” Duh.
Stolen from the manic manicurist (bonus points for cool blog name!)
1. 40-ish……………………………49 to 59.
2. Adventurous…………………..Slept with everyone.
3. Athletic…………………………. No Hooters.
4. Average looking…………….Moooo.
5. Beautiful……………………….. Pathological liar.
6. Emotionally Secure………..On medication.
etc. I expect my UK friends to have much fun with this. Just assume it was written by Edwina Currie and it will all make perfect sense. And, in an ironic way, that holds true even for those of us who exist outside that particular bubble.
Here’s another useful how-to which should be of great interest to a lot of people who spend too much time on the internet and not enough in the presence of vulvas. This one shows you how to make multiples, too, at no additional cost. Have as many as you like!
Don’t say I never did nuthin’ for ya! Stolen from Pharyngula just for you. Click through to the instructions and be sure to check out the many, many pictures.
The vulva is one of my favorite organs. Not only is it pretty and fun to manipulate, but how it responds tells us so much about its owner. And it is just amazing how much we’re learning about it now.
Don’t worry about clicking to read more…this article is full of pictures, but it is entirely work safe because it’s all about science.
raincoaster 