Category Archives: Dating

cartoon o’ the day: Cathy remixed

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from Squid vs Unicorn, via Gawker, from whence I am not banned. Did I mention that?

Cathy remixed

air sex champ licks himself into shape

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Seriously, you cannot beat this headline. via, um, can’t remember but with a headline like that is must be FARK.

virgin and the living dead. Sounds like the Roxy

Japan’s air sex world champion licks himself into shape

Japan has recently claimed the world air guitar championship, but Weekly Playboy (10/2) notes that less well known is that Japan already had a world champ in another virtual sport — air sex!

Just like air guitar pits competitors prancing around on stage empty handed but acting as though they were playing a hot riff, air sex requires players to simulate sauciness as though with a partner, but actually while alone.

“Air sex was originally invented by guys who Carell is too cute, though.couldn’t get girlfriends, but desperately want to have sex,” J-Taro Sugisaku, the self-professed creator of air sex, tells Weekly Playboy…

“You must be warned, though air sex can be very dangerous,” Sugisaku says. “Normally what happens with a display is that you perform the same way you normally would when having sex. I’ve seen guys who put on air sex shows that clearly display they’re still virgins. I’ve also seen other guys perform such incredibly authentic fake fellatio that nobody has been left in any doubt that they could only be bisexual. Let me reiterate: Air sex can be dangerous.”

Japan’s reigning air sex world champion is a feller who goes by the name of Cobra. His theory for successful air sex is that it involves more than just blowing…

Cobra then proceeds to put on an 8 1/2-minute display of air sex for the weekly, with moves including ear nibbling, sphincter licking, attaching a condom while kissing, ejaculation and afterglow. Cobra says that the knack of bogus bonking lies in openness.

“You can’t care about what women watching your performance are thinking about you. When you get down to air sex, you’ve got to immerse yourself in the air sex world,” Cobra says. “Air sex can’t be performed in half-measures. If it is, you’re only asking for trouble.”

Wow, so men can’t fake it either.

Like a virgin...yet unlike

Hetracil: to clear up that pesky, stubborn effeminacy

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Hetracil beachwalk

Hetracil deets!

God, I know so many people who could use this! Finding life in a redneck town hard? Career choices limited because corporate invites always say “and wife?”

Worry no more; the cure for the common queen is here!

Thanks to miracle drug Hetracil (via Gawker) life from here on in may be a cabaret, but never a drag!

Disease Information

More than 80 million Americans suffer from some type of Homosexuality, and one in eight persons need treatment for Homosexuality during his or her lifetime. Homosexuality is not a character flaw; it is neither a “mood” nor a personal weakness that you can change at will or by “pulling yourself together.”

Many healthy men can identify with having some of the symptoms of homosexuality, such as experiencing sexual fantasies about other men; But Homosxuality is diagnosed only when these activities take at least an hour a day, are very distressing, and interfere with daily life.

We encourage you to Learn more specifics about homosexuality from your doctor- The more you know about the illness itself, the more you can do to manage and recover from it.

Hetracil is the world’s most widely prescribed anti-effeminate; it has been prescribed for more than 54 million people worldwide. Chances are, someone you know is getting better because of it. Learn more about how Hetracil works to make you better, so that you can know what to expect while you work toward your recovery.
 
 
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© 2005 Shetty Pharmaceuticals. All rights reserved. This site is intended for use by United States residents only.
For more information about Homosexuality, contact your doctor or other health care professional.
Hetracil® is a registered trademark of Shetty Pharmaceuticals. 

life lessons from 80’s cartoons

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Smurfistan, comrade!

Ch’yeah, like your parents were any better-informed.

Think about it.

Here’s a list (from the zombie-like reanimated Cracked magazine) of life lessons from old 80’s cartoons. And here’s a wee sample, which I choose for no particular reason.

CARTOON: The Smurfs
LESSON: Communism works!

For naysayers who point to the Former Soviet Union as proof that communism is inherently flawed, may we merely direct your attention to Smurf Village, where everyone shares everything, wears similar utilitarian clothing, battles Gargamel and his turn-Smurfs-to-gold get rich quick schemes and obeys the dictates of a bearded, red hat-wearing, benevolent authority figure. Quoth Comrade Papa: “From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs.” Really, he actually said that.
How it affected us as adults: Secret communist agendas ceased being dangerous, or really any adjective of consequence, years ago. The worst thing communism does these days is make Ivy League students waste a couple of years wearing ugly clothes and attending boring meetings. However, the sexual politics of Smurf Village, with its one female for every 30 guys, did go a long way towards preparing us for freshman year of college.

But wait, there’s more!

PSA: Rare announces CityDine; proceeds to the Foodbank

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We are participating in the 2006 City Dine promotion that benefits the Canadian Association of Food Banks. This is our menu that we are offering with a $35 wine pairing. The wines paired with the menu offer a great value for some great wines that would normally be worth $50 if we offered them by the glass.

Dinner Menu
$35.00 Three-Course Prix Fixe Meal
$35.00 Rare Wine Pairing

First Course
Weathervane scallops – sautéed~savoury clams ~ fennel broth
Cakebread Cellars Sauvignon Blanc 2004
OR
Cauliflower Soup – truffles~lobster salad ~ smoked steelhead caviar
Cakebread Cellars Sauvignon Blanc 2004
OR
Romaine Hearts – garlic dressing~bacon rasher ~ sourdough crouton ~ anchovy
Cakebread Cellars Sauvignon Blanc 2004

Main Course
Cornish Hen – lemon thyme~walnut crust ~ golden beet puree ~ verjus vinaigrette
St. Francis “Nunn’s Canyon” Reserve Merlot 1998
OR
Queen Charlotte Island Halibut – organic carrots ~ chorizo ~ asparagus sauce
L’Ecole No.41 Columbia Valley Semillon 2004
OR
Canadian Striploin Steak – pepper crusted ~ slow cooked leeks ~ fondant potatoes
Benziger Cabernet Sauvignon Sonoma 2003
Or
St. Francis “Nunn’s Canyon” Reserve Merlot 1998

Dessert
Meyer Lemon – tart~maple ice cream ~ hazelnut crisp
Buller Fine Old Muscat
OR
Rare Cheeses – medjool dates
Buller Victoria Tawny

Come out and support this event and the other participating restaurants www.citydine.ca
——————–

Tim Keller
Restaurant Director/Owner
Rare One