Greaser’s Palace: my next must-see DVD

Greasers Palace

A Sixties stoner cowboy movie about Jesus: why not, eh?

Apparently the DVD of Greaser’s Palace exists, but only as a rare (and, thus, overpriced) collectable. But I must have it; the Youtubes and online references are simply too tantalizing. Don’t believe me? Check it out:

And a review from Badmovies.org:

You are probably thinking to yourself, “It couldn’t be that outlandish. Could it?” Go and look up “naive” in the dictionary. Now.

The entire movie is an anecdote [I think he means “allegory”] for religion, Christianity to be precise… Greaser’s Palace is a huge saloon in some tumbleweed town out west… Seaweedhead Greaser is the Catholic Church as represented by a gunslinger with itchy trigger fingers. Why in the world does he have a mariachi band and his mother locked in wooden cages? The musicians are easy to explain; they provide entertainment while Greaser tries to have bowel movements (which he is unable to do)…

Right from the start it is evident that Greaser hates Lamy Homo (pronounced as “lay me homo”). He shoots, stabs, and even dumps the little guy down a well. The Church’s efforts to eradicate his homo problem are to no avail; Jessy keeps bringing the reluctant Lazarus back. Lamy consistently recites the same story upon his return from the other side and it’s a trip. Readers old enough to remember when Puff relaxed immigration laws and all those runny noses invaded Honah-Lee (Honalee? Hon-a-lee? Who knows?) might identify with me. It’s that weird.

Any movie about Western religion would be incomplete without Martin Luther; so where is he? He is the man trying to perform a card trick for Seaweedhead. Check it out, the would-be magician does the old “pick a card, any card” bit. He then holds up card after card, inquiring “This one? How about this one? That one?” Poor Martin Luther, trying in vain to decide which interpretation is correct. History says the man finally gave up and just wrote something to the effect of “Figure it out for yourself!” Then he went to get a hammer and nails, but I’m getting sidetracked.

Not at all, not at all. It makes SO MUCH SENSE now. If only I’d seen this movie before I took all those Religious Studies courses at University!

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My Life Plan

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Quiz: Star Trek Character or Erectile Dysfunction Pill?

Star Trek or Erectile Dysfunction

We will refrain, for lo we are way tactful, bychez, from pointing out that the nomenclatural congruity here is somewhat … what? Ironic? Perfect? Obvious?

Well, actually, some Star Trek characters themselves function as erectile dysfunction medications, if you believe some of my friends, and I wouldn’t, particularly late on a dark and stormy Friday night. Because they’ll say anything to get you out of the house so they can get back to WoW or Battlestar Gallactica or their nightly recitation of the entire Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (I am SO not getting invited over for Red Dwarf now, eh?).

Star Trek Character Marta from Whom Gods Destroy

Star Trek Character or Erectile Dysfunction Pill?

Score: 60% (6 out of 10)

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quiz: what flavour Margarita are you?

This works. And why does it work? Because I’d never order any other kind of Margarita, of course! Because I am over 16.

It came to pass that one middle of the afternoon I was at Chez Jay’s, a very cool restaurant at the Santa Monica/Venice Beach border, with my two friends, killing time before flying back home. It was, if memory serves, the very day that Janet Jackson suffered her “wardrobe malfunction” and thus, the kitchen had been shut down in anticipation thereof, for very it is a fact well-known among the wise that cooks all have the Second Sight.

And it so happened that each of my friends ordered a diet Coke.

And I ordered, “A double Sauza Conmemorativo Margarita, on the rocks.”

And the waiter said, “At least you’re fun!”


You Are a Lime Margarita


Realistic and grounded, you have the energy to tackle any obstacle that stands in your way.

Hyper and driven, you despise lazy behavior of all kinds… especially lazy drunks too tired to dance!

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Vancouver Murder Map

Now THIS should calm down The Sister. Ever since that Christmas I had to duck under police tape to get into my house, she’s been a little paranoid about my neighbors and my neighborhood. Sillies! The guy that the cops shot that time was from Poco! Bloody tourists, always getting in their practical compact family sedans, driving down to Cocaine Corner to get their drugs, and getting shot outside my house.

Or are they? As this Vancouver Sun map of murders in the Lower Mainland clearly shows, if you don’t want to get killed, you should hang out on the Downtown EastSide. And for GOD’S SAKE stay out of Langley!