Category Archives: Family

Cane-Fu: the revenge of Oak Bay

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Oak Bay Cane Fu

Everybody was Cane-Fu fighting…or they will be, if this man has his way. Gordon Muir is a martial arts teacher in God’s Waiting Room, and he’s a very clever marketer.

Rather than bemoan the shortage of poorly-behaved adolescent boys whose parents are looking for a quickie external application of discipline, he’s come up with a new martial art that he is confident will appeal to the local market.

Cane-Fu.

from the Victoria Times-Colonist, via Fark.

Muir calls the cane “an interesting weapon” especially since it is “completely legal.”

He’s offering his course at Oak Bay’s Monterey Centre for anyone who doesn’t feel confident about walking down the street.

But he cautions that he is not recommending people go around whacking people indiscriminately. “Definitely not. It could be a hapless panhandler just wanting a quarter.”

I dunno; I’ve dealt with a few cranky seniors in my time, and I wouldn’t want to be some clueless Montreal punk, vision impaired by hoodie and hangover, just lying outside McDonalds, minding my own business, when something in Grandma Moses snaps.

Seventy-year-old Jerome Pauls has signed up for the October course…

“I’m not taking it so I can go out and be aggressive,” said Pauls.

“But if I can’t have a gun, then let’s go with a cane.”

Thorazine, fun for the whole family!

life lessons from 80’s cartoons

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Smurfistan, comrade!

Ch’yeah, like your parents were any better-informed.

Think about it.

Here’s a list (from the zombie-like reanimated Cracked magazine) of life lessons from old 80’s cartoons. And here’s a wee sample, which I choose for no particular reason.

CARTOON: The Smurfs
LESSON: Communism works!

For naysayers who point to the Former Soviet Union as proof that communism is inherently flawed, may we merely direct your attention to Smurf Village, where everyone shares everything, wears similar utilitarian clothing, battles Gargamel and his turn-Smurfs-to-gold get rich quick schemes and obeys the dictates of a bearded, red hat-wearing, benevolent authority figure. Quoth Comrade Papa: “From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs.” Really, he actually said that.
How it affected us as adults: Secret communist agendas ceased being dangerous, or really any adjective of consequence, years ago. The worst thing communism does these days is make Ivy League students waste a couple of years wearing ugly clothes and attending boring meetings. However, the sexual politics of Smurf Village, with its one female for every 30 guys, did go a long way towards preparing us for freshman year of college.

But wait, there’s more!

bye bye, barbie

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It's a real downer 

The leaves are falling and so is the rain; yes, barbeque season is officially over. Better bring in the hibachi before it rusts away to nothing. Watch The Tongmaster and relive the golden moments of summer. Or just laugh at these weenies. Whatever.

from Paul at the Waiterblog forum:

Greets from Antarctica!

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Finally, a hit from the southernmost continent. Behold the ship of Carinthia’s son, somewhere off Tierra del Fuego. As far as I know they haven’t run it aground in Antarctica, but I’m still counting this as a hit! So that’s all the continents, then.

So where are the penguins?

Disclaiming Kimveer Gill

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 Gill and his gun

Every site that Kimveer Gill‘s been associated with has posted a disclaimer of one kind or another. VampireFreaks.com blame the whole thing on the mainstream media and insist that there is no Goth on the planet who is the slightest bit violent or hurtful. Whatever. And Gothmetal.net says their whole site is down until the police are finished with it. But among the disingenuous and the bland, there is a disclaimer that is actually somewhat inspirational, and it comes from the strangest source.

Gill‘s favorite videogame was Super Columbine Massacre, and the creator of the site has naturally been inundated by curious and/or worried surfers looking for clues into the mind of a murderer. Did the game cause this? Did the game feed the rage or bleed it off? Who would create a game that relives one of the most infamous crimes of the last fifty years, and why? Let’s look at his answers and draw our own conclusions rather than look for confirmation of our assumptions.

To the Public:

I am, like most, saddened by the news of the recent shooting at Dawson College. I extend my condolences to those affected by this painful event. Please refer to the artist’s statement for the game’s intent. For further questions, please contact me here.

In the press I’ve been getting lately, I have tried to articulate very clearly that Columbine was a “wake up call” not just for our society but for ME in particular as I was once headed down a similar road. I found other outlets such as filmmaking and theater… unfortunately those like Harris, Klebold, and apparently Gill did not.

Super Columbine Massacre

To Forum Posters:

This site is NOT a place to spread hatred or to cheer on the death of innocent people (quite the opposite, actually). Please be aware of the sensitive nature of Montreal right now and of those who were affected by this shooting. Videogames are important. They’re now under much scrutiny here. Own your words and mean them. If you want a world where freedom of expression prevails, please understand that with it comes an inherent responsibility to be thoughtful and mature about your expression.

-Danny Ledonne

“Columbin”

SCMRPG Creator