Category Archives: Fans

a little internet drama for your weekend

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At one time, if you typed “Internet Drama” into the Yahoo search engine, my blog came up #1. It’s a long story, and I shall spare you, although it’s buried deep in the archives at VFB, unless Mickey has deleted it (50/50).

Still, it was thrilling to be number one at something.

But here is a man whose ability to piss off the Internet surpasses even my own. The key difference between us is that he was just trying to help.

Japanprobe has the full report. Seems that a major Japanese comedian has been arrested for raping a 17-year-old girl, and that has the country, quite naturally, in an uproar. A video of the scandal has been among the most popular YouTube videos, and therein lies the problem.

Seems the Aynglish speakers don’t like no Japs on YouTube. And, hoisting themselves onto their hind legs and jury-rigging opposable thumbs out of duct tape and old porno VHS cases, they have typed in many an angry, racist response to the video.

“It’s YouTube! SPEAK ENGLISH!” they cry, apparently unaware that Al Gore neither invented, nor reserved for exclusive American use, the Internet.

Now, this poor sod looked at all the bile his fellow citizens had spewed and he thought he’d post a rebuke, which he did here.

Alas, there is nothing on the Internet, no matter how innocent, that cannot and, indeed, will not be misinterpreted for maximum dramatic value.

Seems that some Japanese people with faulty ESL educations mistook his remarks for racism, and the clip was featured on the daily news, as “Prejudiced American Guy.”

This is his response. Forgive the earnestness; I’m a sucker for earnestness once I’ve had a few drinks.

Thomas Pynchon on Thomas Pynchon?

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From Amazon, via Slate, via Gawker. It’s already gone so meta it’s almost closed the circle.

And then the Rapture.

Is This Tomorrow?

FYI the following was posted on the Amazon page for Thomas Pynchon‘s new book. It’s gone now, but thanks to right-thinking obsessive fans the text has been saved for posterity. And here it is:

“Spanning the period between the Chicago World’s Fair of 1893 and the years just after World War I, this novel moves from the labor troubles in Colorado to turn-of-the-century New York, to London and Gottingen, Venice and Vienna, the Balkans, Central Asia, Siberia at the time of the mysterious Tunguska Event, Mexico during the Revolution, postwar Paris, silent-era Hollywood, and one or two places not strictly speaking on the map at all.
With a worldwide disaster looming just a few years ahead, it is a time of unrestrained corporate greed, false religiosity, moronic fecklessness, and evil intent in high places. No reference to the present day is intended or should be inferred.

The sizable cast of characters includes anarchists, balloonists, gamblers, corporate tycoons, drug enthusiasts, innocents and decadents, mathematicians, mad scientists, shamans, psychics, and stage magicians, spies, detectives, adventuresses, and hired guns. There are cameo appearances by Nikola Tesla, Bela Lugosi, and Groucho Marx.

As an era of certainty comes crashing down around their ears and an unpredictable future commences, these folks are mostly just trying to pursue their lives. Sometimes they manage to catch up; sometimes it’s their lives that pursue them.

Meanwhile, the author is up to his usual business. Characters stop what they’re doing to sing what are for the most part stupid songs. Strange sexual practices take place. Obscure languages are spoken, not always idiomatically. Contrary-to-the-fact occurrences occur. If it is not the world, it is what the world might be with a minor adjustment or two. According to some, this is one of the main purposes of fiction.

Let the reader decide, let the reader beware. Good luck.”

–Thomas Pynchon

thx tom ;)

Troops

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Can you ever watch it enough?

Troops is filmed on location with men of the Imperial Forces. All suspects are guilty, period…otherwise they wouldn’t be suspects, would they?


Check out the stolen droid. Look familiar?

Today in Crazy US Weekly Guy News: the demon drink

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Crazy US Weekly Guy 

Don’t know if you’ve been following the internet drama over at Gawker, but it’s reached DefCon 3 and is heating up faster than John Hinckley at a Freaky Friday matinee. I referred to Crazy Us Weekly Guy once before, with fervent hopes this wasn’t a short, but would turn out more like the LOTR of the Internet, with Jessica in the part of Arwen and C.U.W.G. as Aragorn. I think Janice Min is Denethor, but it’s hard to tell.

In any case, the whole saga has bypassed Middle Earth entirely, and has quickly washed up on the seamy shores of Trees Lounge. No three hour tour, this. Buckle up, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

A dainty slice from the 200-page potroast  of a document which he sent Gawker:

in us weekly, issue 5/15/06, on page 38 is an ad for absolut vodka. on the next page (page 39), is jessica alba.

the first message is:

jessica alba sol = jessica alba soulmate.

the second message is in the word vodka. MIT (a school famous for science, which i will explain the significance of later) makes their “u’s” look like “v’s.” because of this, “u” and “v” are interchangeable.

“k” is short for “okay.”

“a” is the 1st letter of the alphabet

therefore, the word vodka, becomes the message:

do, ok?, u 1 =

“i do. you’re the one, okay?”

look at the word ABSOLUT [vodka]:Absolut bullshit, really

Tee is what you hit a golf ball off of, jessica golfs
U = you
ABS = absolute

so the message becomes “you and t (=jessica) absolute soulmates”
the ad for the absolut vodka, is on page 38. this is no accident. this is kind of a joke between me and god, that it is going to take 3.8 seconds for jessica to say yes “i want to marry you.”

this is an aside, i’ve been working on my proposal for a while, and first i had the idea of being married to jessica after several years of dating. then years became months, months became days, then days became hours. then hours became one hour. then i thought to myself “why can’t i make it instantaneously?” god told me then “1 minute.” then one minute became a few seconds, then finally god said “3.8 seconds.” this number comes up frequently, and it refers to winning over a person (in this case jessica, my soulmate) at the speed of light.

the fact that a bottle of vodka is on page 38 (=3.8 seconds) is a clear sign to me, that my affect on jessica alba will be intoxicating – a bottle of vodka!

and now, i’m planning on making it instantaneously, “yes!” even less than 3.8 seconds.

lastly, and this is cute, on the ad for the vodka bottle is the word “proof.” as in god is offering some proof to the world.

And so on…

Human Space Invaders

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I have to say, these guys are better than I ever was. But then, there are 67 of them! Personally, I’d have differentiated between space invaders and our guys in the credits, but that’s just my Manichean side poking out.

From BoingBoing: