Dear Canada, Make Me Governor-General. I Need a Job.

But like, for reals.

I have decided to run for Governor-General of Canada.

You have no idea how serious I am about moving closer to Downtown.

Not that I’m less uppity than Payette; quite the opposite. I will, without question, be the first GG in history to drop an F bomb in a throne speech. I’ll need a whole staff dedicated to preventing me from calling for firing squads on Twitter several times a day. And a fat lot of good it’s been doing anyway. You people never listen. Not to mention I’m a stone cold lefty and will just Nationalize All The Things if they leave me alone with Justin Trudeau’s laptop for fifteen minutes.

Any questions?

I mean, have you SEEN my About page (pictured above, no, really)?

Now, I know that these things are appointed, rather than voted on, but what have I got to lose? I’m currently unemployed, journalism having retracted like a hand that reached out in the darkness and accidentally touched Donald Trump, and the dog-sitting business having undergone something of a critical constriction due to that “Nobody except Conservative party lifers can go on pleasure jaunts” thing. For reasons unknown, this Communal Anarchist does not have a wide acquaintance among the Tories other than blood relatives who currently are not speaking to me for fear I’ll mention Q and say “I told you so!”

Which I totally will do, every single chance I get.

I also know that the GG does not have a “platform” per se, but have gone ahead and created one, in the interest of saving everyone time, and also to show off that I’m not afraid to do a little hard work now and again. Though I wouldn’t want it to become a habit.

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Quote o’ the Day: Crowns and Carnivores

Governor General Michaelle Jean susses out the buffet

From Tuffy, on the recent Michaelle Jean sealsickle incident:

“That seal heart ain’t eatin’ itself.”

And a close runner-up, from Jenny Quelque Chose at Gawker:

“Eat your heart out, Palin.”

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