The T Factor: Brits Abroad

Twot or not? 

Although, according to research, not quite as broad as Americans. But that's neither here nor there.

The Brits are travel-happy. In fact, one of the biggest issues in the recent election there was "Damn and blast, how is a simple working man supposed to fly the family to Marbella for some sun once a year, Verbier for a little exercise, Paris for some shopping, and Florence for a nice little walking tour every now and again, and still feel that he's doing his part to keep the planet free from excess pollutants???"

Well, quite.

With a culture like that, you'd expect that most Brits would know, oh, I dunno, like the first thing about travelling? I've only ever been to the US and one trip to the tropics, so I cannot lay claim to any great sophistication here, but even I know that there are, ferinstance, fishy-type things in the sea. I mean, in England you can just walk to it; surely there's no excuse for this if you come from Blighty. Hell, if you come from Saskatchewan you still know there are fish in that big outdoor watery thing, whether it's a lake or an ocean.

Anyhoo, without further ado, we present some of the complaints lodged with UK travel companies by greviously aggreived tourists.

A company insider said: 'People are much more aware of their rights nowadays and much more tempted to blame someone if something goes wrong. We have noticed a surge in weird complaints over the last few years.

'Their instinct is to lash out and blame someone, and because it's such a litigious culture, people always think the travel company must be to blame.'

The Association of British Travel Agents said recently that a couple cancelled a two-week break in Majorca and demanded a refund because of the risk of contracting the SARS virus.

It was pointed out to them that Majorca was not affected by SARS, but they insisted on cancelling anyway.

Then they sued to get their cancellation fee back. And here is a small roundup from the article:

No one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled…

My fiance and I booked a twin-bedded room and we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the rooms that we booked…

The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers, will we be OK staying here..?

It took us nine hours to fly to Jamaica from England – it only took the Americans three hours…

It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel… I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller…

I was bitten by a mosquito – no one said they could bite…Shirley Valentine, they know not what the hell they do

We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white…

We had to queue outside with no air conditioning…

…And finally, from a holidaymaker in Spain:

There were too many Spanish people. The receptionist spoke Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners.

PSA: How to Survive a Cougar Attack

How to survive a cougar attack

I have no idea where that image came from, but it’s an invaluable warning. Click here for a more detailed version. Not all cultures are familiar with the terminology “cougar” but I assure you that you know the type. Think Joan Collins as fortysomething divorcee, only without the fame, career, or money. Think leopard-print halter top over pressed jeans. Think expensive bag and shoes, fruity, mild-tasting cocktails with a nonetheless lethal kick, eg Cosmos. Really old cougars drink rum & diet coke, and would drink it straight from the bottle if it came like that.

The natural habitat of the cougar is the bar rail, just before closing time, and they can often be found at Dicks on Dicks, the Roxy, and anywhere with an Eighties night, where they will try not to show they know the words to every song.

While Vancouver is a known cougar-friendly habitat, South Oregonians are taking the situation into their own hands.

Sally Mackler, wildlife chairwoman for the Oregon Chapter of the Sierra Club, said she’s sympathetic to residents who’ve had run-ins with cougars, but rural residents have to learn to deal with the risks.

“It’s a UFO, Elvis-sighting kind of thing,” she said. “Cougars haven’t killed or attacked anyone locally.”

Yet.

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The Shebeen Club Presents: Edgar Allan Poe’s 170th Wedding Anniversary!

Shebeen For immediate release: post/forward at will!

Who: The Shebeen Club, Vancouver's monthly literary gathering

What: Edgar Allan Poe's 170th Wedding Anniversary!

When: 7-9pm Tuesday, May 16th, 2006 (3rd Tuesday ea month)

Where: The Shebeen, behind the Irish Heather, 217 Carrall

Why:  To honour the master of horrors, on this, the day of his ultimate horror. Although I'm sure the bride could say the same.

How (much)? $20 before May 12th, $25 thereafter; reservations and media inquiries: lorraine DOT murphy AT gmail DOT com.

Admission includes a Poe-tastic dinner/drink combo specially selected for appropriate thrills, plus door prizes embodying the grandeur of fallen gentility, a Poe-themed presentation, and a horribly good time!

Dress: Anything antique, anything Goth, anything shabby-genteel.
Bonus prize for anyone who turns up with an actual raven, dead or alive. That is to say that one or more of "the raven and the guest" must be alive.

Background: The Shebeen Club, a History in Press Releases

Come with us, our clothes all tatty, we're Vancouver's literati,
Writing many a quaint and curious volume of best-selling(?) lore,

As we celebrate Poe's wedding, you can join us; they're both deading,
As they both croaked long ago, long ago, in days of yore.

"Bride and Groom, long dead," Sean mutters, "long ago, in days of yore;
Missed the party, ever more."

And two ravens, never flitting, still are sitting, still are sitting
On the old Blood Alley railings just beyond the Shebeen's door;

And their eyes have all the seeming of some ghostlings that are dreaming.
And the streetlamp o'er them streaming shows their shadows on the floor;

And the Shebeen Club, under their gaze that steals in from outdoors
Shall be uplifted—evermore!

Meet & Mingle 7-7:30
Listen & Learn 7:30-8
Whispered tales of undying madness and horror, like the mortifying time you confused August Derleth with Lord Dunsany 8-whenever Berenice comes for us.

Don’t mind me. I’m just a…

Bitter CanadianBitter Canadian.

From DrinkNation, here is the Bitter Canadian although surely it cannot be the only one, particularly during the Playoffs.

While the recipe sounds like a pretty standard Whiskey Sour on the rocks, with bonus bitterness, this is NOT how one makes a drink like this. Puh-leeze! See if you can spot the errors.

Bitter Canadian

In a highball glass with ice, add the following in order:

1 1/2 oz Canadian Whiskey

sour mix to fill

2-3 dashes Angostura Bitters

squeeze of a wedge of fresh lemon

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I'm not loving the blond, looks grey in this Youtube vid, and Daniel Craig should shoot the director for allowing that closeup. In the final shot of this French Casino Royale trailer, Bond looks as if he's going to fucking mew. Bond would not mew. Bond would smile knowingly and then shoot me through the heart.

The music, however, once again kicks 99 kinds of ass.