I think it best left to Americans to describe America, particularly if I want to keep this blog family-fucking-friendly, so here is a particularly timely pair of videos from those great American patriots Matt Stone and Trey Parker.
Part One: Who will take on responsibility for solving the world’s problems?
Part Two: What to do about North Korea (and Alec Baldwin)?
All clear now? Great. Now go out there and police the world!
Now, this is just something that works in any language. It’s the campfire scene from Blazing Saddles, and if you find my blog too highfalutin’, elitist and intellectual, you will, I assure you, find your fears put to rest by my inclusion of this, perhaps the apotheosis of Hollywood comedic expression.
And don’t tell me he’s here. Daniel Craig may be a fine actor and a decorative one at that, but he’s just no James Bond.
But, in that, he’s set the standard for spies around the world today. Not only do the Americans have problems with their middle-management selling them out for a powerboat and a two-bedroom condo in South America, but apparently India‘s spies are not exactly equipped with nerves of steel. Nerves of spun glass perhaps. Got this via Fark.
EVERY beauty pageant comes with its requisite dose of melodrama: temper tantrums, lost tiaras and controversial disqualifications.
But this year’s Miss Tibet contest took the customary histrionics to new heights when it opened yesterday in Dharamsala, the Indian town where the Dalai Lama has lived since fleeing his homeland.
On the eve of the competition, one entrant was ordered to withdraw because she serves in a covert Tibetan unit of the Indian Army specialising in high-altitude combat. Pema Choedon, the soldier turned beauty queen, was so upset that she had a panic attack and was taken to hospital.
That’s some combat specialist! I bet Sandra Bullock could kick her ass!
In ass-kicking news, the one Tibetan who could give Bond a run for his money in the Cool department says he wants a shot at the crown as well.
When the first contest was held, the government-in-exile’s prime minister denounced it as “un-Tibetan” and “aping Western culture”.
The Dalai Lama has since softened the official line.
“If there is Miss Tibet, why not Mr Tibet?”
Well, what can I add to this? It’s shameful the way these Sesame Street stars no longer even bother to hide it.
Not everyone knows that Entourage was originally based on Sesame Street, but the Children’s Television Workshop put the kibosh on that plot point and made them change it, on pain of having to go without kneecaps or the letter R for the rest of their lives.
Defamer has the sordid backstage tale.
A tense moment passed between Access Hollywood‘s Maria Menounos and Big Bird, when the Sesame Street star began to suspect that the reporter’s wandering hand was engaged less in the sensual caress that he demanded than in a fumbling search for his rapidly engorging avian member.
Truth be told: I have no idea who that chick is, but I’m smart enough to know that hawt brunette-on-bird action is gonna be massive for hits.
Now if only I could find that pic of Lauren Hutton and Rolf Harris’ emu…
I’ve always been a fan of corrections. I think my all-time fave is from the formerly-amusing, now rather sad Tatler, and being the oldest magazine in existence it has, over the years, had to issue some doozies.
I think my favorite was the one that apologized for “errors” in a celeb schooldays reminiscence…one that characterized two boys as the sons of a “Costa del Sol gangster” and who entered said celeb’s room greasing a baseball bat with Vaseline and yelling words to the effect of “Who’s first? Bend over!”
And who were actually named by said celeb. Said later apologetic and corrective celeb. Rupert Everett, I think? If so, a much more promising debut in fiction than his subsequent unendurable novel. Everett is at his best doing straightforwardly hallucinogenic nonfiction, as some of his work for VF proves.
In any case, one of my longtime favorite sites is Regret the Error, which publishes corrections with a particularly good eye for the amusing. Amusing crow-eating warms the bitter, shrivelled cockles of my heart, and so I am going to give you an example of their choice choices in the correction field.
A correction from The Orange County Register, Sept 23:
Cannabis is a synonym for marijuana. Because of a reporter’s error, the word was misspelled in an article on Page 15 of the News section in the Sept. 22 edition of the Register.
The original sentence:
The pot growers had tapped into an irrigation line for landscaping around the gated community of Stoneridge, and had rigged up a network of white, 3/4-inch PVC piping to grow the cannibals.
raincoaster 