Category Archives: Politics

welcome to the panIHOPticon

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The Spatula of Total Information Awareness 

Would you like some surveillance with those flapjacks? How about a side of identity theft? Can I top up your presumption of guilt before offering you what we’ve got in the way of closed curcuit television monitoring, hot off the griddle? Here’s our daily special, fresh from the Department of Homeland Insecurity.

In response to a media inquiry, a Quincy, Massachusetts International House of Pancakes has ended its somewhat over-the-top dine-and-dash prevention policy of requiring its customers to not only show, but also relinquish, their driver’s licenses while enjoying the tasty breakfasts for which the chain is renowned.

Those who would trade liberty for security of pancakes deserve neither liberty nor pancakes!

The PanIHOPticon policy was overturned when one John Russo, would-be breakfaster, refused to comply with the policy, citing fears of identity theft. Media reports quote Russo as saying,

“‘You want my license? I’m going for pancakes, I’m not buying the Hope diamond,’ and they refused to seat us…Identity theft is rampant. I wouldn’t want to give my license, with my address or Social Security number to anyone that I’m not familiar with. I’m going just for breakfast.”

There are no reports of Russo attempting to use the library, pray, or take flying lessons while at the IHOP.

Would you like a cavity search with that maple syrup?

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Vancouver’s Chinatown in winter, a vignette

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Chinese chef could kick iron chef's ass! 

From Chowman on the Urban Diner Waiterforum. This will give you a bit of perspective on where I live and how immigrants adapt with creativity to our patented Canadian winters.

My favourite restaurant ice-clearing moment was at lunch today on Main Street. A cook was on his knees with a cleaver, hacking at the ice on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant. After each series of several hacks, a staff member would step forward with a shovel. I love teamwork.

The Canadian Justice System explained

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By Ricky of the Trailer Park Boys. See, it’s not just our prisons that are more humane, it’s our courts too!

Ren and Stimpy Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen

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This tells you pretty much everything you need to know about the Canadian national character, particularly when you realize it was written and drawn by a Canadian (shout out to John K, homeboy!). We are obviously not entirely sane, nor healthy.

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Britney Spears on Sophocles’ Antigone

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Ladies and gentlemen, when I found this from Christies auction house on Defamer I think my brain orgasmed itself to death in a gruesome orgy of fatalistic and absurd self-abuse. Behold Britney Spears‘s junior highschool paper on Sophocles‘ immortal Antigone, foremost among the ancient Greek tragedies and possibly the greatest play ever written.

raincoaster 

Fellow comparative literature major, sister, mine own dear sister, knowest thou what ill there is, of all bequeathed by Alhazred, that Celebrity fulfils not for us while we live? Nothing painful is there, nothing fraught with ruin, no shame, no dishonour, that I have not seen in thy woes and mine.

And now what new edict is this of which they tell, that our Britney hath just published to all y’all? Knowest thou aught? Hast thou heard? Or is it hidden from thee that our pride and dignity are threatened with the doom of our scorned, culturally illiterate foes?

ISMENE

No email of friends, raincoaster, gladsome or painful, hath come to me, since we two sisters were bereft of our degrees, expelled in one day by twofold blow; and since in this last night the blog host hath crashed, know no more, whether my fortune be brighter, or more grievous.

raincoaster 

I knew it well, and therefore sought to bring thee beyond the nosy receptionist, that thou mightest hear alone.

ISMENE

What is it? ‘Tis plain that thou art brooding on some dark tidings.

raincoaster

Britney Spears got 88%, y’all.

Britney Spears writing on Sophocles' Antigone. The End Times Are Upon Us!

Estimate 500 – 700 U.S. dollars

Lot Description Britney Spears
A page taken from Britney Spears’ junior high school notebook containing her handwritten review of Rex Warner’s translation of Sophocles’ story Antigone, written in black ballpoint pen on either side of the page, Britney’s review annotated by her teacher with corrections to her spelling and comments including …Nice cover Organized Watch your spelling… and Write more neatly and her grade: 88; and a corresponding piece of yellow card decorated with the book’s title Antigone in black felt pen — 12x9in. (30.5×20.8cm.) (2)

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