Category Archives: Science

new Michael J. Fox hospital story

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Michael J. Fox, the hawtnessWell, it’s not new if you’ve been to Gawker or Defamer recently and trolled through the Fox-related comments, but it’s new to the larger world, and it’s original to my mother, so here it is, straight from the foal’s mouth.

My mother used to work at the Children’s Hospital here in Vancouver, and the story she heard (and she heard it the same day, from people in the room) was that Michael was getting a tour and saw one of their scanners. He was told that there was a several months long waiting list for scans, because they couldn’t afford to buy a new one.

He asked how much it was…something like $20,000 (this was in the Eighties).

He wrote them a cheque.

Also, his sister(? or in-law, can’t remember) gave Greenpeace $200 when I was doing door-to-door for them. She was very nice.

Pentecostals want to spend taxes de-gaying Norwegian bunnies

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Gay dogs do it doggie styleThat’s about it, really.

Except that the Lutherans, by contrast, simply wish the Norwegians to burn in Hell, rather than waste any time in attempts at animal re-heterosexualizing first.

I guess they don’t like waiting.

A Lutheran priest said he hoped the organisers would “burn in hell,” and a Pentecostal priest lashed out at the exhibition, saying taxpayers’ money used for it would have been better spent helping the animals correct “their perversions and deviances”.

To be fair, this one looks like he's on the DLGot this from ArchieArchive‘s report on the Oslo exhibition of animal homosexuality. It’s a really interesting report, and the links provide some much-needed insight into the very nature of human character.

Big horn sheep “need to have sex with their own fellows just to be accepted. And by being accepted they are making up very important social relations which later give them better access to females,” says Mr Soeli. 

So Hollywood really IS run by sheep. That would explain why nobody’s bought my script yet. Maybe I should have my agent fuck them…oh right. Anybody know a pretty, gay agent? 

And look, here’s Annie and Susan, explained:

Among swans and flamingos there have been cases of two females living together using sexual contact with males purely to reproduce.  

And, look over there, behind the bearded moss: Tom and John!

Strap in!

Or is it Lance and Matchew?

It has been reported that in certain bird species males double up, allowing them to control a larger territory than a heterosexual couple, which in turn serves to attract more females.

Looks like it’s working…

Tom Cruise, So in love

Michael J. Fox, come home!

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But the best headline of the day award has to go to Fark, which announced Bob Geldof‘s opening of a new stem cell research centre in Toronto with the words:

Tell me why I don’t like fundies.
Tell me why I don’t like fundies.

Geldof, self-deprecating about his scientific knowledge, said that staring at cells through a microscope, “you know absolutely that the secret of those desperately traitorous illnesses that so defeat us is in there. And these microscopes and these brilliant men and women are going to get at it.”

Among those brilliant men and women referred to by Geldof is Gordon Keller, who is coming home to Canada to head up the McEwen Centre after spending 16 years in the United States.

One of the world’s foremost stem cell researchers, the native of Melville, Sask., has spent the last seven years at New York’s Mount Sinai School of Medicine, where his lab has performed groundbreaking research generating various types of cells from embryonic stem cells.

Well, if he’s as smart as he seems, Michael J. Fox has got to be double-thinking his decision to become an American citizen. Even Metrotown‘s gotta be looking pretty good to a nouveu Yank facing six-figure medical bills and the certainty that, should a cure for Parkinson’s emerge from the most promising area of research, it is already illegal in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Grave of Democracy.

enjoy studying great tits? Have I got a report for you!

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Joan Collins, during the reign of Queen Victoria 

Researchers at the EGI have been studying great tits in Wytham, Oxfordshire, since 1947.

Presumably some of their original subjects aren’t quite as great as they used to be, Joan Collins excepted, as always.

Here is the full report, which also explains why they can be different sizes. Bonus!

UPDATE: Metro claims in the comments that these are his tits, and that I should give Miss Cellania credit for them. I can only conclude that I do not know Metro as well as I thought, and that Miss Cellania must be a talented plastic surgeon as well as journalist.

What you don’t know about your friends, eh?

wasn’t this a Stockard Channing movie?

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anyone got a HandiWipe?Why, yes it was. The Girl Most Likely To, it was called, and she did, too. Kind of a comically morbid and vindictive updating of the Georgy Girl story; every chubby teenager’s favorite Midnite Movie O’ The Week, well, next to Satan’s School for Girls. That shit just never gets old. I remember a great scene where she’s upstairs at some old farmhouse and gets her old cheerleading rival to demonstrate a series of backflips…and opens the window at the end of the hall…

As she lay bandaged in the recovery room, Joyner was poisoned by a nurse anesthetist who believed Joyner had stolen her boyfriend back in high school some 30 years ago, authorities say.

Imagine what would happen to Special K (not to mention The nurse will see you now...but you won't like it!most of Hollywood including the music industry) once the word gets out that the jilted ex-girlfriends of men you’ve long since forgotten could be the ones behind the needle. And those surgical masks make it very difficult to recognize people…coincidence? I think if you do the research you’ll find a disgruntled, now-middle-aged jiltista was behind their design.

The AP via the Guardian has all the gory details. Enjoy!