Category Archives: Sex

end inet child abuse: the light a million candles project

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From Cold Desert. Pass it along.

The innocent victims of Internet child abuse cannot speak for themselves.

But you can.

With your help, we can eradicate this evil trade.

We do not need your money.

We need you to light a candle of support.

We’re aiming to light at least One Million Candles by December 31, 2006.

This petition will be used to encourage governments, politicians, financial institutions, payment organisations, Internet service providers, technology companies and law enforcement agencies to eradicate the commercial viability of online child abuse.

They have the power to work together. You have the power to get them to take action.
Please light your candle at lightamillioncandles.com.

Together, we can destroy the commercial viability of Internet child abuse sites that are destroying the lives of innocent children.

Christopher Walken in Hairspray; words fail me

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Don't blame me, blame defamer!

blame it on Defamer. I’ll be scrubbing my eyes out with bleach!

Had you told us a photo would emerge from the set of Hairspray, currently shooting in Toronto, whose monstrous, bouffant-laden imagery could haunt our dreams more than this one, we likely would have thought you had been huffing on a paper bag full of Aqua Net. Of course, we hadn’t yet laid eyes on this portrait of Christopher Walken, whom we can best surmise plays the movie’s elderly, withered drag queen, pictured positively beaming as he takes in what will likely be one of his final few gay pride parades. We imagine it should be a week or so before flashbacks to drooping sock-garters on a pair of spindly, pallid calves fail to rouse us from our slumber in trembling nightsweats.

air sex champ licks himself into shape

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Seriously, you cannot beat this headline. via, um, can’t remember but with a headline like that is must be FARK.

virgin and the living dead. Sounds like the Roxy

Japan’s air sex world champion licks himself into shape

Japan has recently claimed the world air guitar championship, but Weekly Playboy (10/2) notes that less well known is that Japan already had a world champ in another virtual sport — air sex!

Just like air guitar pits competitors prancing around on stage empty handed but acting as though they were playing a hot riff, air sex requires players to simulate sauciness as though with a partner, but actually while alone.

“Air sex was originally invented by guys who Carell is too cute, though.couldn’t get girlfriends, but desperately want to have sex,” J-Taro Sugisaku, the self-professed creator of air sex, tells Weekly Playboy…

“You must be warned, though air sex can be very dangerous,” Sugisaku says. “Normally what happens with a display is that you perform the same way you normally would when having sex. I’ve seen guys who put on air sex shows that clearly display they’re still virgins. I’ve also seen other guys perform such incredibly authentic fake fellatio that nobody has been left in any doubt that they could only be bisexual. Let me reiterate: Air sex can be dangerous.”

Japan’s reigning air sex world champion is a feller who goes by the name of Cobra. His theory for successful air sex is that it involves more than just blowing…

Cobra then proceeds to put on an 8 1/2-minute display of air sex for the weekly, with moves including ear nibbling, sphincter licking, attaching a condom while kissing, ejaculation and afterglow. Cobra says that the knack of bogus bonking lies in openness.

“You can’t care about what women watching your performance are thinking about you. When you get down to air sex, you’ve got to immerse yourself in the air sex world,” Cobra says. “Air sex can’t be performed in half-measures. If it is, you’re only asking for trouble.”

Wow, so men can’t fake it either.

Like a virgin...yet unlike

Hetracil: to clear up that pesky, stubborn effeminacy

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Hetracil beachwalk

Hetracil deets!

God, I know so many people who could use this! Finding life in a redneck town hard? Career choices limited because corporate invites always say “and wife?”

Worry no more; the cure for the common queen is here!

Thanks to miracle drug Hetracil (via Gawker) life from here on in may be a cabaret, but never a drag!

Disease Information

More than 80 million Americans suffer from some type of Homosexuality, and one in eight persons need treatment for Homosexuality during his or her lifetime. Homosexuality is not a character flaw; it is neither a “mood” nor a personal weakness that you can change at will or by “pulling yourself together.”

Many healthy men can identify with having some of the symptoms of homosexuality, such as experiencing sexual fantasies about other men; But Homosxuality is diagnosed only when these activities take at least an hour a day, are very distressing, and interfere with daily life.

We encourage you to Learn more specifics about homosexuality from your doctor- The more you know about the illness itself, the more you can do to manage and recover from it.

Hetracil is the world’s most widely prescribed anti-effeminate; it has been prescribed for more than 54 million people worldwide. Chances are, someone you know is getting better because of it. Learn more about how Hetracil works to make you better, so that you can know what to expect while you work toward your recovery.
 
 
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© 2005 Shetty Pharmaceuticals. All rights reserved. This site is intended for use by United States residents only.
For more information about Homosexuality, contact your doctor or other health care professional.
Hetracil® is a registered trademark of Shetty Pharmaceuticals. 

Lagerfeld’s new lingerie: Seductive Baboon

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From Gallery of the Absurd, via Defamer. I’m so incredibly relieved; for awhile I was thinking that the casting couch must have some very esoteric tastes. Assflaps? And that…thing that Lohan shared with the whole world in Venice. And Santa Monica. And Malibu. And…

The Truth Behind Starlet Crotch Photos

There has been an alarming increase in the frequency of starlet crotch photos across the blogosphere. You’d have to be from Jupiter if you’ve not yet seen photos of Paris Hilton’s weathered bits splashed all over the internet. If you’ve checked the gossip blogs lately, you’ve also been subjected to the regrettable vision of Lindsay Lohan’s “fire crotch” as she exits a vehicle while wearing a miniskirt sans underwear in front of a pack of eager paparazzi. Our reporters here at Gallery of the Absurd wanted to get to the bottom of this disturbing trend and we can now share with you what we learned:

We’re pleased to report that these young ladies are simply wearing Karl Lagerfeld‘s sizzlingly sexy new line of lingerie – Seductive Baboon. Lagerfeld noticed striking similarity between the mating behavior of the female baboon and that of certain free-wheeling Hollywood starlets and was inspired to create a line of underwear that resembles the swollen ass of a baboon.  We know, it’s hard to tell the difference, but that’s where Lagerfeld‘s genius is apparent. Sexy, no? Karl shares his insight with us:

Unka Karl on assflaps

Parisbaboon

We adore the Paris Hilton version of Seductive Baboon underwear! They even have a little pocket sewn on so that “Crabby” has a dark place to hide when there’s too much sunlight disturbing him.  Folks, there’s no longer any need to gouge out your eyeballs after you see yet another photo of Hilton’s crotch…rest assured, she’s wearing Seductive Baboon. Available at fine stores everywhere.

Lindzboon