What time is it? Not Peanut Butter Jelly Time!

That’s for goddam sure.

So. It’s that time again.

Yay, periods are fun!

What do I want? These:

Meat. Mmmmmm, meat!

Meat is murder


Coffee, the OTHER Vitamin C


Prada Sandals

What do I got?

  • dried pasta
  • a bag of chop suey vegetables
  • a half a container of 2% yogurt
  • a small tub of baby greens that was going off
  • a lemon and a half
  • one head of garlic
  • a jar of Ragu tomato sauce
  • coffee
  • twenty-five packets of artificial sweetener
  • a VHS tape of Walk on the Moon
  • a pair of seven year old Hi Tec trail runners.

It’s going to be a loooooong weekend.

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Christmas: it ain’t over till the fat lady uses up the last of her Sears Gift Card!

Alas, that would be me, the fat lady. I usually have curves, but the past couple of years I’ve gotten rolls instead. Not what I’d call a fair trade, but then, I could get off my plushly-upholstered butt and get some exercise, yes? Speaking of which…

I’m not sure if the Cybergypsy intends it to be a Christmas present, but I can see the stationary bicycle that was in the garage is now out on the patio; the unfortunate thing is, unless I remember to buy a tarp, it will simply rust there, same as everything. I know he has no intention of using it, that’s for sure. Unfortunately, until he gets his own space, there’s not enough room in the apartment to put it in here; well, not and use the bathroom.

I could use the patio. It’s a Chinese building: I’d hardly be the first. We really should give new members a user’s guide that includes the words “just because it has a drain doesn’t mean it’s a bathroom.” Urk.

In any case, the Christmas haul now includes a pressie I bought for myself, one upon which I have had my beady little eye-stalks for some time. This:

Sacred heart of cthulhu!

Yes, it is the famous Sacred Heart of Cthulhu tee, about my longing for which I have previously blogged. It was, of course and naturellement for this is the way the Universe works, in strange ways, particularly relating to me and Cthulhu-themed casual wear, the only thing in the store not on sale, but a sigh, a wistful “oh, I guess it’s not on sale?” and a twisting of coppery-blonde locks resulted in a meagre 10% markdown. What the hell, I was going to buy it come Nodens or Ragnarok. At my age the mere idea that hair-twirling could cause a twentysomething salesboy to give me 10% off is itself worth 90% of retail.

This was, of course, purchased with the complete aggregate of all my Christmas money, leaving me just enough to pay my bills and live off CG’s food for the next week or so. At least I’ll lose weight: right now, he’s soaking some seaweed that looks like sheets of green, striated rubber. It is his intention to use these sheets to make nutburger buns… although if the final product isn’t a helluva lot more appealing than the ingredients you’d have to be a nutburger to put the damn things anywhere near your mouth.

As well, I got a deck of trick cards, two books on true crime (one a how-to), one book about death, a squid tee, a bottle of perfume (a public service as much as a gift, and thank GOD; if my perfume level drops below a certain point, the scent of fish becomes overpowering and you may make of that what you will), one book about health, one book about snobbery, an MP3 player, a Sears gift card, an AT&T card which I hope I can use in Canada but am not sure, and three restaurant gift cards. So I will be fat, fragrant, and funky.

So, no change.

I also got lei’d, but that’s another story.

And, as I am a known Christmas nut, I am determined to keep the holiday going until the last of the gift cards has been drained dry. If I find myself at Milestone’s in the middle of June spending a few Christmas bucks, you’ll find me requesting the calamari with a side of “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.”

Giant Squid Tee

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Sensible Shopper Strikes Again!

Now, I have my good points. Among these is my ability to shop. I’m not just a tireless shopper; I’m not just a savvy shopper; I think it fair to say that I am, in fact and in actuality, an expert shopper. If I can’t get it for you at 50% off or in exchange for something you have lying around the garage, it does not exist.

So, it is a fact universally acknowledged that a savvy shopper at the subsistence level of poverty in possession (however temporary) of a hundred bucks and change, must be in search of some highly practical purchases.

at Winners:

  1. pink lace bra from France $19 marked down from $100
  2. blue lace over green satin bra from France $19 marked down from$95
  3. banal beige utility bra to partially justify purchase of the above $9 marked down from who gives a rat’s ass?
  4. “Olive or Twist,” a book of cocktail cartoons from the New Yorker $5.99 marked down from $39
  5. large wooden sign reading “IMAGINE” $14 marked down from who cares? I had to have it.


  1. 1 bottle Jack Daniels for medicinal purposes $28, full price
  2. 1 small bottle Martini & Rossi Italian vermouth for flavouring purposes $7, full price
  3. 1 bottle bitters $9

Yep, nobody can say I’m not a practical shopper! And tomorrow, if there’s any left, I’ll get groceries!