Category Archives: Singles

Ann Coulter: Bitch gets bitchslapped!

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From Crooks & Liars, and not to be improved upon. I shall let the words speak for themselves. Adam Carolla for President!

Ann Coulter vs Larry King

Audio -MP3 

The Great Society provides a rough transcript:

ADAM CAROLLA: Ann Coulter, who was suppose to be on the show about an hour and a half ago, is now on the phone, as well. Ann?

ANN COULTER: Hello.

CAROLLA: Hi Ann. You’re late, babydoll.

COULTER: Uh, somebody gave me the wrong number.

CAROLLA: Mmm… how did you get the right number? Just dialed randomly — eventually got to our show? (Laughter in background)

COULTER: Um, no. My publicist e-mailed it to me, I guess, after checking with you.

CAROLLA: Ahh, I see.

COULTER: But I am really tight on time right now because I already had a —

CAROLLA: Alright, well, get lost.

[Crosstalk in the studio]

CAROLLA: I’m tight on time, too, and I don’t have time for bitches, so let’s move on.

[…]

[inaudible] Tight on time… Go f- yourself, you’re tight on time.

Female co-host (Teresa Strasser or Sarah Silverman?): I say this to Ann Coulter. Why the long face? (Laughter)

CAROLLA: Listen, you bitch, don’t call in an hour and a half late and tell me you’re “tight on time.” Of course you’re tight on time, you’re an hour and a half God-damn late calling into a radio show. Just take your stupid book and go pitch it to your stupid cable outlets.

Adam, will you marry me?

Durham University: parent’s dream, wanker’s delight, plumber’s nightmare

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All I want to know is, what in the name of all that is holy are they feeding these boys?

I’m assuming it’s a boy’s dorm. I lived in a girl’s dorm, and I can tell you that’s not neccessarily a given.

From Josh in the City, right here on WordPress.

Durham University

Pirate Booty Call, with bonus casting couch!

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Orlando Bloom discusses the universal desire to get taken from behind by Johnny Depp. From AP:

Pirate Booty, arrrrrr!

AP: What makes these “Pirates” films so appealing?

Bloom: I guess we all want to be a pirate. Somewhere inside us I suppose it’s a real fantasy about being out on the open sea. Nothing’s stopping you from living whatever life you want to live. You’re not landlocked. And pirate booty, everyone likes a bit of pirate booty…

AP: What was it like … with Johnny Depp?

Bloom: He just tears up the s—–. It was great for me. I think he’s [made] brave choices and doing m—– that he wants, not conforming. I really admire that and I think he really delivers as Jack Sparrow. It was great for me …

Even I couldn’t have said it better, melad. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

And here we have the job listing for aforesaid pirate booty. Apparently, Depp has a gimp fetish.

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 3 OPEN CALL 
 

Open Casting Call – Through 15 August 2006

Pirates of the Caribbean 3

PIRATES HOTLINE

818.725.2905

Sande Alessi Casting

13731 Ventura Blvd., Top Floor

Sherman Oaks, CA  91423

Monday through Friday, 11am – 3pm

Seeking Pirates — men age 18+, all shapes and sizes, all ethnicities: Asian, Spanish, French, African, Syrian, Lebanese, Middle Eastern, Turkish, Armenian, Arab, Persian, Caucasian, South American, Pacific Islander, Eskimo, etc…

You must be an extreme character type! We need extremely skinny, very tall, very short, hunchback, little people, unusual facial features and body types, exotic amputees, albinos, etc.

Bring your own current 3×5 photo (does not have to be professional). If you do not have a photo, we can take one for you for $2.00

My Neighborhood, for real

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So, as you might already know by my blog irregularity, I am experiencing a power crisis. I am without electricity. In Canada, we call this “anhydrous” but you might call it any number of things, including inconvenient.

But among other things, it means that I only have electricity between midnight and five in the morning, when I can safely run a power cord to the outlet down the hall without anyone ratting me out to the building manager.

However.

There are those who could bust me. In my hallway, there is a youthful Chinese girl who is carrying on an affair with a man on one of the upper floors, but who doesn’t dare let her father, with whom she lives, know. So, every night about twelve-thirty, I hear her door open and the elevator going up. About three, it comes back down and she goes back to her room.

She’s not about to rat me out for using the power. It’s mutually assured destruction.

When I go out to unplug the apparatus, sometimes I see some unusual things.

It’s four-thirty in the morning. It’s the Downtown Eastside. Of COURSE I see some unusual things.

But among them I do not expect to see an actual scimitar. Apparently, instead of the tai chi ladies who practiced there last year, each dawn is welcomed by an actual, fucking, practicing fucking, samurai.

He’s out on the patio, practicing his moves. I am well aware it should be a katana instead of a scimitar, but what can I say, the man is versatile.

And armed.

Oh, who are the people in my neighborhood. In my neighborhood. In my neigh-bor-hood? Oh, who are the people in my neighborhood. The people that you meet each day?

The samurai has a big sword
Don’t mess with him or you’ll get gored.
He practices each day at dawn
Could skewer you just like a prawn.

‘Cause the Samurai’s a person in my neighborhood.
In my neighborhood.
He’s in my neigh-bor-hood!
A Samurai’s a person in my neighborhood.
A person that I meet each day.

Oh, trysting kids are scaredycats.
Their dad might find out, don’cha kno?
They sneak around, it takes real gumption
They can’t expose me: M. A. Destruction.
Oh, a Samurai’s a person in my neighborhood.
In my neighborhood.
In my neighbrhood.
And the trysting kid’s a person in my neighborhood.
They’re the people that I meet
When I’m walking down the street
They’re the people that I meet each day and, by silent mutual agreement, do not appear to recognize.

Henry VIII: first known casualty of Atkins diet

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Hank 8...everything in sight, apparentlyFrom Fortean Times. I have friends who’ve been on the Atkins diet, megaprotein, zero carbs, avoid carrots and many other veggies, as they’re terribly starchy; each and every one of them swears it works. And each and every one of them is overweight. What do they teach them in school nowadays? (besides math)

June 28. Henry VIII, the king who destroyed the fabric of monastic England and most of its sacred shrines, was born today in 1491. It used to be thought that he died of syphilis, but it was malnutrition that did him in, according to historian Susan Maclean Kybett; specifically, he didn’t eat his greens. It seemed that scurvy, caused by vitamin C deficiency, is the only disease that fits his symptoms – ulcerated legs, bad breath, collapsed nose etc. There was a prejudice at the time that only lower orders ate vegetables; the rich could afford more exiting things like venison.

Fatkins

Thank god that particular fad is over. I’m a little tired of going to restaurants with people who smell like abatoirs and who insist on ordering three courses and then whining about how they can’t eat two of them.

On the bright side, I’ve much enjoyed the extra servings of dessert and even convinced one poor sap that Martinis are high in carbs…here, let me get rid of that so it doesn’t bother you. You can have the twist, though.