The Spiders from … Antarctica!

Of the many and varied delightful creatures which enliven the drear, dark depths, there are perhaps more mysteries than certainties. From time to time a trawler will snag something huge, something strange, something unspeakable; briefly it surfaces on Ananova or Reuters, only to be tossed back into the void, too disturbing for true contemplation.

We live on a placid isle of ignorance, amidst black seas of chaos,
and it is not meant that we should voyage far
.

Tunicates on the ocean floor

Giant sea creatures, including sea spiders the size of dinner plates and
jellyfish with six-metre long tentacles, have been found by Australian scientists in the deep waters around Antarctica.

Huge worms and giant crustaceans have been filmed during an expedition which trawled the floor of the Southern Ocean almost a mile below the surface. Many of the animals could not be identified and are to be sent to labs, possibly to be classed as newly discovered species…

So it is with these strange creatures recently spotted in the subsurface valley depths of the great Antarctic Mountains of Madness. Where shoggoths breed, man was never meant to tread. I wouldn’t want to be this videographer once they find out their secrets have been exposed. Philipa passed the footage along to me, and I put it out to the public as a way of saying, “Look. See what wonders, what horrific marvels our world contains. These living anomalies share our planet, dwelling beneath the deceptively peaceful surface of the Antarctic Ocean, crawling and thrashing, killing and breeding all unsuspected in the Stygian, turbid void beneath us…”

We live in Fortean times indeed.

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Squid-O-Grams

Kissing Squid-O-Gram

Zeta Male theory or no, I continue to wish this rotten old computer would let me play in Second Life. And from Metro comes just another reason for me to sit here, eating my heart out.

Squid-O-Grams. Kissing Squid-O-Grams.

Cuddlefish Junction Kissing Squidogram! You set up what you want the squid to say and send it off to your unsuspecting friends. What they see is a bucket. A harmless little bucket that asks them to click it. Then a squid jumps out into their face and the hilarity ensues. Get them at the main store.

Seriously, would your heart not warm to anyone, no matter how zeta, who sent you one of these? Let’s face it, this isn’t the High Renaissance: we ain’t got sonnets, but we’ve got Squid!

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Lucy Liu attacked!

Lucy Liu attacked by a school of horny cuttlefish!

Lucy Liu and the Horny Cuttlefish of Doom

It gets worse.

Lucy Liu and the Horny Cuttlefish of Doom, back attack

Yes, showbusiness is a sordid, gilded ghetto. Behind the flashbulbs and the awards, behind the makeup and the costumes, lies an ugly truth.

The Casting Aquarium.

Even Lucy Liu, the lovely and talented star of the Charlie’s Angels chick action flicks, cannot escape its greedy clutches. Smiling bravely for the paparazzi despite the slimy embrace of a school of hormone-crazed cuttlefish, she personifies what must be suffered in silence inthe unspoken struggle for stardom.

In what used to be known as a “Faustian Bargain” and is now called “a personal contract with Harvey,” comely starlets are subjecting themselves to the embrace of repellent, corpulent invertebrates from under the sea. As for what their agents can do about it…why don’t you ask this young woman:

Why is this file entitled Dating?

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Cthulhu Kittehs

New England geneology/architecture tourism kittehs: They suspektz nuthin.

Funny Pictures

why do I ALWAYS do that?

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I’m not in a book club. Watch as the Giant Squid from Mister Hell acts out my day-to-day existence for your enjoyment.

moar poastz cummin souhn.