From the Archive

A couple of men were shopping in Urban Fare, and there wasn’t anything I wanted so I eavesdropped, not shopped. The tall one in the sleek Calvin pullover and microfiber pants was saying that people have the most embarrasing conversations on cellphones.“Oh?” said his buddy, a shorter blond guy with a wiry, mountainbiker look.

“Yeah,” he said. “Imagine if you had the same conversation without the cellphone; either on a real phone or face-to-face. Would you say those things, or would you have a real talk? Nobody says anything requiring a scintilla of intelligence on a cellphone.”

“You mean nobody discusses the meaning of life and the big philosophical questions on a cell?”

“Yes, yes, that’s it exactly. They talk about, you know, do you want the broccoli or the peppers, ’cause the broccoli is on special…no, no, the peppers look good…but the broccoli looks good too…”

“But do you think those kind of people ever have meaningful discussions?”

“At all?”

“At all.”

“Nope.”

“Well, let me ask you: do you have a cellphone?”

There was a pause. They stared at each other. This was Yaletown, what were the odds, eh? The guy pulled a tiny flip-phone from his pocket and a sheepish expression from somewhere in his upbringing.

“And Do you have meaningful conversations?”

“Point taken.”

“Do you?”

“This is about as good as it gets.”