ASCII lives

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Star Trek Cribs

What the hell, everyone else has posted it.

My Summer Vacation: Part the Second

  • Enjoyed a long display of over a hundred of mine host’s wedding photos, with detailed commentary, despite the fact that I was at the wedding and am, indeed, featured in about 25% of the photos. But the babies dancing are cute.
  • Led an animated discussion on the merits of the elephant versus the rabbit vibrator, pointing out obvious advantages of the former, to which Metro replied, “You know why elephants don’t pick their noses? Because where are you going to hide a 30-pound booger.”
  • Devoured at least 750 ml of Sauvignon Blanc, followed up with some kind of pilsner, which is the order in which one should consume them, as by the time the gas from the beer has hit, one and one’s entourage are far too drunk to actually care anymore.
  • Hit the mall. Trust me, in this town, that’s a big deal. Blogworthy indeed.
  • Acquainted mine hosts with the fact that one of the premiere scrapbookers in the U.S. of A. is Blair, from Facts of Life, blogger Lisa Whelchel herself. Her blog’s not half bad, by the way, if you can stand happy Christian housewife types.
  • Missed the Gawker Kristallnacht entirely. Bugger. Jessica‘s a better writer than Jesse, and snarkier, but what they really need is a proofreader, not a co-editor. Unless they’re still hiring. HI, NICK! Darling
  • Had nothing more than a crust of bread for breakfast AND lunch this morning. Shocking, really. Metro and Master Cowfish have a lot to answer for. For which to answer. Whatever.
  • I’ve finally had it with middle-aged men who want to get into blogging but who insist on having their assistants do the writing, and subsequently letting the post ripen in their email inbox for a week, after which it is run through a character and interest removal algorithm before being posted, because they want to be part of this “New Media Thang.” Bust a sphincter, post a first draft, and see if your world really is insecure enough to fall apart as a direct result. Surprise me; I don’t think your life is that interesting.
  • Getting cranky, time for bed.

Happy 4th of July!!!

We all celebrate in our own unique ways. Some of my friends to it by firing off fireworks, eating BBQ, and drinking pisswater. My family does it by making sure the cannons at Windsor are still pointed across the river. I do it by posting anti-Bush videos from YouTube.

My neighborhood:

Another Windsor hits the headlines

   Honorary Lance Corporal William Windsor was
   stripped of his rank this week after attacking
   the arse of a military drummer. The regimental
   goat of the 1st Battalion Royal Welch regiment,
   otherwise known as “Billy”, refused to march
———————–
What do you call an unemployed goat? Billy Idol.
What do you call a goat at sea? Billy Ocean.
What do you call a goat that mimes? Billi Vanilli.
—————————————————–

       >> Don\’t look back in anger <<
       Christina Aguilera needs charm school

   Christina Aguilera has always had a diva
   attitude – arriving hours late for everything,
   big demands, feuds with everyone from Mariah
   to Kelly Osbourne.

   Now with the release of her new album she\’s
   learned a new trick. During promo interviews
   she\’s refused to look at any journalist.
   Instead, the diva insists that the interview,
   for which she\’s usually two to four hours late,
   takes place in a dimly lit room, where she sits
   and stares in the other direction completely
   to the journalists while they ask, and she
   answers, questions.

—————————————————–
Hoffwatch: Dave is today receiving treatment at St
Thomas\’ Hospital, after leaving the Sanderson Hotel
in an ambulance. He "cut himself shaving", apparently.
—————————————————–

       >> Belgian buffoonery <<
       Jean-Claude just can\’t kick the habit
“,1] ); //–>   and stay in line during the parade at the
   Episkopi garrison, Cyprus, and ended up
   headbutting a group of military drummers before
   attacking them with his horns.

   Now bad boy Billy has been demoted and has lost
   the perks of his rank, such as being saluted.

—————————————————–
What do you call an unemployed goat? Billy Idol.
What do you call a goat at sea? Billy Ocean.
What do you call a goat that mimes? Billi Vanilli.