the blogger rap

Go on, say it. 

Here’s a little gem from The Assimilated Negro, who apparently gets these urges from time to time. We only give thanks he gets them when there’s a mic handy. Ladies and gentlemen, we present your new theme song.

Rough Draft: Blogging All Over New York

all over new york baby
center of the universe
the blogging here is so crazy right now
that’s why, when I see a girl
i walk right over to her
i’m like yo …

waddup girl, I’m a blogger
assimilated negro looking for fodder
and I’m not your average ipodder
kicking some game
you know my sh*t’s smart, funny,
plus a little insane
(hey)
see TAN is running this town
and if you got some wi-fi
I could show you around
that’s why anywhere online
you’ll be thinking of me
there’s so many blogrolls with people linking to me

And so on, much with the hyperlinkage. That’s the best part, actually. Full lyrics on the site here.

“And what is the use of a blog post,” thought Alice, “without hyperlinks and multimedia?”

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photo o’ the day: fireworks, a comet, and lightning

From NASA via Neatorama.

Comet, fireworks and lightning!

Explanation: Sometimes the sky itself is the best show in town. On January 26, people from Perth, Australia gathered on a local beach to watch a sky light up with delights near and far. Nearby, fireworks exploded as part of Australia Day celebrations. On the far right, lightning from a thunderstorm flashed in the distance. Near the image center, though, seen through clouds, was the most unusual sight of all: Comet McNaught.

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quiz: what kind of bowel movement are you?

In keeping with recent posts

You scored as The Curly Poo. You’re the The Curly Poo, you curl up into a pile like dog poo and cartoon poo. People and dogs love a nice curly poo.

The Curly Poo
75%
Wet Shit
60%
Diarrhea
55%
The Long Turd
40%
Dry Shit
30%

What kind of BM are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

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getting medieval on your astronaut!

How I love it when a loyal reader sends along a piece of web strangeness saying, “Saw this freakishness and thought of you.”

I feel speshul.

A certain horse blogger of heretofore normal inclinations has passed along the following sad and bizarre tale.

Remember when you were little, and you were asked what you wanted to grow up to be? Now, as a little girl I knew “cowboy” was off the table, but I saw no reason not to say “jillaroo” or, indeed, “astronaut.” “Firefighter” was for dumb lugs, sorry to my four cousins who became firefighters; I can only suggest they are playing against type.

Yes, didn’t we all want to be astronauts when we grew up? Everyone old enough to have seen the first Moon landing surely shares my one-time dream. But, as age and marks caught up with us, we realized we’d never have the PhD from MIT that seems to be the prerequisite, much less the Olympic medals, the Saudi princedom, or the College Republican presidency that are just the oak leaf clusters on the dingleberries of your application form.

We felt bad.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow us at the ol’ raincoaster blog to make your day. Allow us, in fact, to make up for decades of feelings of inadequacy. Your life may suck. Your job may involve the phrase “would you like fries with that?” Your love life may be as imaginary as your next vacation. Your socks could have holes, your dog could snap at you, and your shirt could well be tucked into your underwear at this very moment.

But you will never be the country-song-in-waiting that is the trainwreck which is this astronaut’s sorry-ass life.The mugshot goodness!

A NASA astronaut faces her first appearance before a judge this morning after police say she attacked her rival for another astronaut’s attention at Orlando International Airport Monday.

Lisa Marie Nowak drove more than 12 hours from Texas to meet the 1 a.m. flight of a younger woman who had also been seeing the astronaut Nowak pined for, according to Orlando police. She is being held on no bond at Orange County Jail and has a court appearance at 9 a.m.

Nowak — who was a mission specialist on a Space Shuttle Discovery flight last summer — was wearing a trench coat and wig and had a knife, BB pistol, and latex gloves in her car, reports show. They also found diapers, which Nowak said she used so she wouldn’t have to stop on the 1,000-mile drive.

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start your day off right, biotches: with the Spirit of Truth!

My mother was a Buddhist, but she never missed a service at the Pentecostal church down the street. This shiat is why.

Then she’d come home and watch Ernest Angeley. So that’s where I get it the multiculti freakness from, in case you’re axin’.

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