sex lives of the Great Old Ones

Saturday Night Undead!

Seriously, if this is how they choose to do it with one another, is it any wonder that gods generally prefer to do it to humans? At least they can’t fight back!

Forget Zeus and all that bestiality schtick, and never mind that eggnog is the ectoplasmic emanation that really got the Virgin Mary pregnant. This is what happens when they go at it one-on-one, hidden by the numinous dark in the depths of the sea. Cthulhu ain’t no Valentino, that’s for sure.

“The male giant squid has to use a puny 15-gram brain to coordinate 150 kilograms of weight, 10 metres of length and a 1.5-metre-long penis,” he says. “He physically plunges this penis into the female’s arms, which are rather unfortunately right next to her beak. Because he is coordinating so much with so little, I think occasionally bits get chewed off when they inadvertently get too close to the beak.”

Oh, but you know he likes it rough! Still, an excellent lesson in how NOT to ask for oral sex. Guys, are you taking notes? I really don’t want to have to go through this again. Which reminds me, what is Bill Clinton doing these days?

Oh! My virgin eye! (Psst, wanna t-shirt of this? Click on it!)

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pic o’ the day: Golden Bug Hot Spring, Oregon

From the 2005 winners of the National Geographic Photography competition, by Ying-Chen (Julia) Lin

Golden Bug Hot Springs, Oregon

 

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achieving resolution resolution for New Year’s

from Mark Day For Parody Purposes Only, right there in the blogroll

the second deadly sin: not just for humans anymore!

Oh, scuse me!

Urp. Scuse me!

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panic in Latvia!!!

Boar-ing!Citizens in Riga, the capital of Latvia reported that a “wild boar” (a very bristly, scrawny, runty-looking kinda pig) had escaped from its pen, that’s how wild it was, it lived in a pen – I guess it’s wild the way Christopher Hitchens is Jewish – and was marauding through the Lavian countryside and even cityside, trotting happily through back lanes, parking illegally, scaring lapdogs, and poking its snout into people’s yards.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, but where does Metro come into this?

Right here: regardless of his claims of Celticism, he must in fact be Latvian, since his reflexes so perfectly mirror those of these obscure Balkananianses: they called the SWAT team.

From Yahoo via Fark.

RIGA (AFP) – A police SWAT unit was called out to a gas station in the Latvian capital early Friday after a wild boar was spotted wandering around the facility.

“We received a call at about 2:00 am (0000 GMT) and sent out special operations unit ‘Alfa’,” state police spokesman Aigars Berzins told AFP Friday.

“The boar was about three years old and had wandered in from a wild animal yard,” he said.

Such yards are becoming more and more popular in Latvia, and are often set up in wooded suburban areas near big cities.

“The wild hog had broken the fence and got out. It was not afraid of humans at all,” Berzins said. [but not, apparently, vice versa]

Without using either special weapons or tactics — the first letters of which give SWAT units their name — the elite police unit rounded up the boar and took it back to the yard.

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