Category Archives: Work

Lucy Gao’s email

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Andy Hardy meets a debutante, and does not enjoy the experience. When are we blowing candles?

Somehow I knew I could count on Oxford to be on this like pretention on a 21-year-old intern. From the Oxford Gao gossip thread, here’s the original email. Apparently, she’s at Balliol when she’s not at the Ritz or interning in the property department at Citibank. And don’t forget to look through the thread for the comments (as previously discussed…. maybe we need to revisit the intern selection criteria, I think the emphasis on control may be too high!) and the lovely birthday photos.

Dunno what the hell I’m talking about? Check here for the intro to this whole sorry affair, and here for visual evidence that, even if she’s not as well dressed as Mickey Rooney in the above pic, she’s much, much better pleased with herself.

Subject: Details and instructions for Lucy’s Ritz Party

Dear Friends,Thank you for all your replies and I am glad all of you can come this Friday to celebrate my 21st with me.
Please read ALL the following to ensure your entry into the Ritz.Lucy’s 21st Birthday Party
at The Ritz Hotel London Friday, 18th of August
9pm Champagne Reception
10pm Photo Shoots
10:30pm Blowing Candles

“Candles.” Is that what the kids are calling them now?

Mid-night Pangaea, Mayfair

Is that anywhere around midnight? Only with 85% more pretention?

I have arranged the Ritz to host a Champagne Reception with a selection of Ritz Champagne for all my guests, this will be on me so please come and indulge.

And someone please bring the birthday girl a change of punctuation.

A specially made birthday cake has also been ordered and the Ritz waiters will kindly serve you each a generous slice with Ritz cutleries,
etc…also on me.

Those kindly waiters. And they let you use the Ritz cutleries, too? Wow, you must have pull.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR ENTRY:
* When you arrive, take the Hotel entry on the opposite side of the Green Park tube station [Please refer to your arrival time at the
end of this email]

Where are they supposed to take it? Is it heavy?

* When asked “how can I help you Sir/Madame?”, you reply “I am here for Lucy’s Birthday Party at the Rivoli Bar”

Kind of like “the black dog howls at midnight,” only in this case he would be blowing candles at Mid-night.

* You will be escorted to the lounge area next to the Rivoli bar, where you will hopefully see a gorgeous group of ladies.

Okay, I’m not 100% certain about this, but she seems to be indicating that she has laid on hot and cold running hookers; if this is the case, no wonder her email has been forwarded so many times. Bankers can be bitter if they’re not invited.

If you experience any issues getting in or getting to the Ritz, please call my mobile on 07782 205 450 and my PA Ms Gill will kindly deal with your queries between 8:30pm to 10pm.

Is it really that difficult to get into a hotel nowadays? Gee, back when I was 21 we just used to go over the wall like plain folks.

STRICT DRESS CODE:
Gentlemen: Jacket, shirt, and please also bring a tie (no jeans, trainers, flip-flops, polo-shirts)
Ladies: skirt/top, cocktail dress (no denim, min-skirts, flip-flips, bad tastes)

No, we certainly don’t want any bad tastes.

Advice 1: It goes without saying that the more upper-class you dress, the less likely you shall be denied entry.
Advice 2: Photos will be taken between 10pm to 10:30pm, and these will be distributed once processed, therefore you may want to be
well-groomed!

Although certainly not in bad tastes. There is only so much magic Lucy’s PA can work with the Photoshop.

Finally…
I will be accepting cards and small gifts between 9pm to 11pm…<wink
wink> hehehe

I very much look forward to seeing you all at the Ritz this Friday.

Lucy

ARRIVAL TIMES: [Please stick to these as best as you can, thank you]
9:00pm: Lucy, Sophie Sandner, Kajai, Mandeep, Preet, Sanami, Su, Lisa,
Kate.
9:15pm: Phoebe, Sophie Seugnet, Theo, Dmitry, Ed, Nikolay, Paul, Nick,
Harry.
9:30pm: Marco, Andrea, Jess, Ovi, Yuki, Olga, Kim, Marcelo, Ulyana,
Krystal, Dan.
9:45pm: Sunita, Alan, JingJing, Emma.
10:00pm: Anthony, Rachel, Roger, Uli, Yogi, Gharzi Lucy Gao
Citigroup | Real Estate Equity Research
4th Floor, Citigroup Centre (CGC1)
25 Canada Square, London E14 5LB
Direct Line: +44 207 986 4116
Fax: +44 207 986 4341
Mobile: +44 778 220 5450
Email: lucy.gao@citigroup.com mailto:lucy.gao@citigroup.com

You know that each and every one of those people is pretending not to know this woman today.

“No, no, that’s the other Gharzi!”

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Lucy Gao, revealed

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Thanks to Dealbreaker. My apologies; she’s not in the least platinum blonde, although she is smugly self-satisfied.

Dunno what she has to be so smiley about? Click here for part one, here for part two, with bonus put-downs from coworkers. Lucy Gao, thanks to anal-retentive qualities that would shame even Martha Stewart, has entered the elite group of cybernotorati headed up by Dog Shit Girl.

Lucy Gao, revealed!

Lucy Gao doesn’t need a p.a. she needs an enema!

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Say hello to London’s most anal-retentive 21-year-old.Sorority Snob! Please note we have no way of knowing if Lucy Gao attended a sorority, or even school

via Gawker and the Times:

LUCY GAO, wherever you are, call. No one is angry. We’re just all laughing at you. She is a young — oh, is she young — intern at Citigroup who has enlivened the dog days of August in the City.

Her stupid e-mail, detailing the plans for her 21st birthday party last Friday, is doing the rounds of City banks, with appropriately derisive comments. Lucy is something of a control freak, and her friends are instructed to arrive in groups at properly staggered 15-minute intervals to ensure sufficient face time with the princess.

They are given a strict script to adhere to on arrival. “When asked, how can I help you Sir/Madam, you reply, I am here for Lucy’s birthday party at the Rivoli Bar.” Dress smart — “the more upper-class you dress, the less likely you shall be denied entry”.

SnobAny queries to her PA. This 21-year-old has a PA? Very Paris Hilton. I ring Citigroup to see whether Lucy is now an ex-intern. “She hasn’t done anything wrong. It’s just . . .” The spokeswoman tails off. How about being a silly, spoilt, stuck-up, overly rich ninny? “She has everyone’s sympathy.”

Lucy’s mobile, needless to say, is switched off.

Continued, at length, here for the pic and here for the email, the vast number of forwardings, and the even vaster number of put-downs by fellow Oxonians. She’s going to have to finish school at UCal Bakersfield or something after this.

FurtherMore Marketing Tips for Hookers

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From the Archive, see also Part One:

Friday, September 20, 2002

5) Look for Synergies

It’s an entertainment business. Look for ways to leverage other entertainments and marketing efforts. Comme ca:

a) The MinuteLube had a sign: IN AND OUT IN FIFTEEN MINUTES, SATISFACTION GUARANTEED.

There was a hooker standing under it.

b) When the Canucks were in the playoffs, you could see every hooker in Mount Pleasant wearing Canucks tees, which is fine, but one large Native woman took it even farther, holding up a large sign that offered “free extras” if the Canucks won. I wonder what the extras were…

I’d like to thank the academy…if I thought any of them gave a rat’s ass…

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practical uses for an Emmy

Well, it seems that those who are devalued by having their Emmys split off from the rest and consigned in the middle of a normal Wednesday, without benefit of television coverage, might be a tad bitter about it.

Whodathunkit?

From Defamer (and please excuse formatting weirdness; it’s WordPress’ fault!):

Take this novel Emmy-repurposing as a commentary on how some Creative Arts victors might feel about having their ceremony held in untelevised obscurity a week before the more glamorous primetime event if you must, but we find it a wholly practical use of a glittery eyesore that would otherwise be nothing more than a dust-collecting conversation piece going to waste on a mantel. In any event, we’re glad it’s being deployed as a toilet tissue holder and not a personal hygiene device, as the aureate angel’s pointed wings were clearly not designed to be placed anywhere near sensitive parts of the human anatomy.