Beaver Shots: golden shower on video

Archie's Beaver

It’s become fashionable, particularly among journalists, to lament the sorry state of contemporary journalism. Papers may be folding, reporters may be getting laid off, sure, but that doesn’t stop devoted professionals from bringing you the news that matters, day after day.

Take Debbye Turner Bell here of CBS‘s The Early Show.

Make that DOCTOR Debbye Turner Bell, former Miss America.

Since she was crowned Miss America 1990, Dr. Debbye Turner has spoken to 500,000 students at hundreds of schools, youth organizations, and college campuses. Her topics include personal excellence, unrelenting determination, goal setting, and the importance of a solid education. She strongly believes that any person has the potential for success no matter their race, socio-economic background, or gender. She uses her own life as an example of triumphing over the odds. It took seven years, eleven tries, in two states to get to the Miss America Pageant.

Heartwarming, is it not? Why, her parents must be so proud. It must be a great joy to them to turn the television on and see their little girl, all grown up and getting sprayed with urine by a flailing Canadian beaver.

THERE SHE IS, MISS AMERICA
From “The Miss America Pageant”
(Bernie Wayne)

There she is, Miss America
There she is, your ideal
The dream of a million girls who are more than pretty can come true
in Atlantic City
For she may turn out to be the Queen of femininity

There she is, Miss America
There she is, your ideal
With so many beauties she took the town by storm
With her all-American face and form

And there she is
Walking on air, she is
Fairest of the fair, she is
There she is – Miss America

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Sesame Street Layoffs hit hard

Sad Grover has a sad

Sesame Street, that beloved icon of childhood, where we learned everything we needed to know that later showed up in an overpriced book on business leadership, is under seige.

We thought that a neighborhood of loveable, shaggy Muppets would escape the ravages of the recession: my friends, we were wrong. So, so wrong.

In a tearful announcement earlier today, Kermit the Frog announced that, effective immediately, Sesame Street will lay off 20% of its workforce. While he refused to give specifics, he did indicate that the cuts would be made from the on-air staff, leaving no-one immune to these Draconian cost-cutting measures. Out of approximately 140 Muppets, this represents a loss of 28 beloved characters. Who will it be???

Video of the press conference from CNN:

and some updated lyrics, for the fans: originals here

Pogey Day

Sweepin’ the sun away

On my way to get my benefits

Can you tell me how to get,

How to get to the EI office, please?

Come line up

It’s fun to be a grup

Friendly social workers

Will see you now

Can you tell me how to get

How to get what’s coming to me?

It’s an Orwellian ride

Every one will be pushed aside

Unhappy people like you–

Unhappy people like…

What a terrible…

Dreary Day

Smokin’ my cares away

Off my head, here where the air is sweet

Can you tell me how to get,

How to get to …

Um, I forget.

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FerretDance

We old-timers of the intarwebs will recognize a resuscitated meme when we see one; oh yes, this is nothing more nor less than a reworking of that classic of the intertubes, the Hampsterdance. With a significantly more anorexic cast. Sound familiar?

Other examples, through time:

Sadly, none have ever approached the catchiness of the original tune and site: there’s just something about Adsense-laden sidebars that somehow limits the freedom of the ecstatic experience, once shortlisted for Song of the Millennium.

They look suspiciously like Meerkats. Better keep an eye on these buggers.

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Christopher Walken’s Poker Face

Christopher Walken's Poker Face

Regular raincoaster fans (an irregular bunch, for sure) are well aware that around these parts (these ones right…here, to be specific) we recognize no gods; none but Cthulhu and Christopher Walken.

Mr Walken’s thespian skills are indisputed, but perhaps fans are less familiar with his amazingly powerful prose reading ability. Regular raincoaster readers will be familiar with his astonishing reading of The Three Little Pigs; new readers are welcome to click through and review before moving on to the new material.

Now, from the homeland of Alistair Cooke himself (via SeriouslyOMG), comes this stunning recording of Ronald Christopher Walken performing a dramatic reading of the poet Lady Gaga‘s masterpiece, Pokerface.

God knows, others have tried and failed to interpret this most elusive of musical geniuses:

Jude Law:

Perez Hilton:

perez hilton as Lady Gaga

But this, my friends?

This will never be topped.

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Why Halloween has never really caught on in Europe

It’s everyone’s favorite nutty Frenchman, Remi Gaillard, with his patented, trademarked, and copyrighted brand of divine madness.

Bat? Man? Tard?

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