Sir Richard Branson, Billionaire, Butt-Flasher: the video

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So the deal is this: Sir Richard “Hottie” Branson, the closest thing England has to an attractive man, was going to rapell down the side of the Fantasy Tower at the Palms in Vegas, to publicise the new Virgin Airways flight from San Fran to Vegas. Things went about as smoothly as you’d expect, once you knew it would pop up here: ie, things got grossly out of hand, resulting in Sir Richard banging the side of the building repeatedly (whether or not it was his type we have been unable to determine; and oh, WHY must it be a mere building: Richard, call me) and also in his splitting his pants up the backside, revealing some dusky grey tighty greyeys, much to onlookers’ amusement.

Stephen and the Case of the Second Most Expensive Frisbees Ever Invented

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So Stephen (you remember Stephen?) he was once even younger, and when he was younger he was, as is the way, more junior, and he wasn’t a restaurant manager at all but instead a busboy on the Princess Something, a Canadian Pacific cruise ship/ferry crossbreed cruising between Victoria and Seattle.

And CP, they had standards. In fact, they could be said to have standards the way the SS could be said to have been strict-ish. And one of their standards was that, by the time they docked in Seattle, every piece of cutlery and every piece of china aboard would have been washed and dried to perfection, regardless of time pressures, or staff would be fired.

And it always was.

And many were the evenings, pulling into port, that Stephen spent at the stern of the ship, gleefully tossing aft the plates that they didn’t have the extra 15 minutes to wash. Puget Sound is lined with CP china and silver flatware, should you ever feel like taking a diving vacation.

Friends

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Ya gotta have friends.

What would you do for unsuspecting victims without them? I mean, really.

So there I am, staying with my friend James. He is a lovely man. A kind man. A thoughtful man.

So thoughtful, indeed, that during the entirety of my visit with him he has arranged that all his scheduled appointments take place between the hours of 9am and noon, knowing well that I shall be (and, indeed, was) dead to the world during this time.

A kind, thoughtful man.

And so today, it was with a sense of shock that I endured the following exchange.

Now, I’m not the sylph I was at twenty-one, ’tis true. Nor yet the Amazon I was at thirty-six, when I ran the Marathon (4:33:09, quite respectable thankyouverymuch). Yet, I am 25 pounds lighter than I was in January and have the ability to take off the jeans I got then, which were skin tight, without actually going to the trouble of unzipping them.

Still.

We were getting ready to leave the house. James wished, as a thoughtful friend, to facilitate my ability to take coffee along with me, although it must be said that this could have been purely selfish in motivation, me being much easier to get along with when I have caffeine to put in my system and a beverage to occupy my mouth instead of talking.

So he suggested I pour the hearty mug of Anniversary Blend I had in my hands into a travel mug and we could hit the road. The problem is, he did so using the following wording:

“Here’s an old chubby. It’s perfect for you.”

the 50 best breasts in movie history

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Sophia Loren and Jayne Mansfield are bosom buddies

I’m going to be on vacation for the rest of the week, and posting only occasionally if at all, so I sifted the entire internets and came up with something that should keep you occupied (if typing one-handed) till I get back; it’s a video roundup of the best boobs in Hollywood History.

If you think about it, they could do this with mastectomy patients and get twice as much A for each T, and twice as many girls altogether, but Hollywood is strangely deficient in uniboobage, so what can you do? They made the brest of it, I guess.

Your own complaints, commendations, and recommendations in the comment section, pervs. I know I can count on you.

Greased Retriever

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What can you say about a dog that boogies to Grease better than Travolta? Nothing except: watch this!