getting medieval on your astronaut!

How I love it when a loyal reader sends along a piece of web strangeness saying, “Saw this freakishness and thought of you.”

I feel speshul.

A certain horse blogger of heretofore normal inclinations has passed along the following sad and bizarre tale.

Remember when you were little, and you were asked what you wanted to grow up to be? Now, as a little girl I knew “cowboy” was off the table, but I saw no reason not to say “jillaroo” or, indeed, “astronaut.” “Firefighter” was for dumb lugs, sorry to my four cousins who became firefighters; I can only suggest they are playing against type.

Yes, didn’t we all want to be astronauts when we grew up? Everyone old enough to have seen the first Moon landing surely shares my one-time dream. But, as age and marks caught up with us, we realized we’d never have the PhD from MIT that seems to be the prerequisite, much less the Olympic medals, the Saudi princedom, or the College Republican presidency that are just the oak leaf clusters on the dingleberries of your application form.

We felt bad.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow us at the ol’ raincoaster blog to make your day. Allow us, in fact, to make up for decades of feelings of inadequacy. Your life may suck. Your job may involve the phrase “would you like fries with that?” Your love life may be as imaginary as your next vacation. Your socks could have holes, your dog could snap at you, and your shirt could well be tucked into your underwear at this very moment.

But you will never be the country-song-in-waiting that is the trainwreck which is this astronaut’s sorry-ass life.The mugshot goodness!

A NASA astronaut faces her first appearance before a judge this morning after police say she attacked her rival for another astronaut’s attention at Orlando International Airport Monday.

Lisa Marie Nowak drove more than 12 hours from Texas to meet the 1 a.m. flight of a younger woman who had also been seeing the astronaut Nowak pined for, according to Orlando police. She is being held on no bond at Orange County Jail and has a court appearance at 9 a.m.

Nowak — who was a mission specialist on a Space Shuttle Discovery flight last summer — was wearing a trench coat and wig and had a knife, BB pistol, and latex gloves in her car, reports show. They also found diapers, which Nowak said she used so she wouldn’t have to stop on the 1,000-mile drive.

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start your day off right, biotches: with the Spirit of Truth!

My mother was a Buddhist, but she never missed a service at the Pentecostal church down the street. This shiat is why.

Then she’d come home and watch Ernest Angeley. So that’s where I get it the multiculti freakness from, in case you’re axin’.

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the secret to hula-hooping

So this is why I can’t do it. From Explosm.

the secret to hula-hooping

PSA: 12 Midnite’s Money-Grubbing Cash & Carry Art Sale

12 Midnite Sale Flyers 

12 MIDNITE: Political Pop art pioneer, lowbrow legend and hot rod hooligan hosts sale of vintage art thought long lost

Feb. 5, 2007
Vancouver:
12 MIDNITE, Canada’s best known unknown arist has a checkered history of shifting gears on his career. Coming to the forefront of the thriving political street art movement, by the mid 80s his name became synonomous with gritty urban pop art. Since that time he has been an established member of the elite society of Lowbrow legends, moving through graffiti to pop painting and neon art, running galleries, a hot rod shop and back, while popping up irregularly with guitar in hand, to front an ever-shifting band of punk ex-patriots to shock and amaze fans and foes with his beer-drenched tales of misadventure before disappearing in a blur of flat black and throaty exhaust.
On one magical night only, February 17th, Midnite will host a MONEY-GRUBBING sale of long-lost art: paintings, prints, drawings, graffiti and neon from the early days to fund his latest album, “SWEET TURNS SOUR”  at LUCKY RED, on the bitter end of Vancouver’s historic chinatown.
Those who cough up over 200 dollars will recieve an advance copy of the album along with the smug satisfaction of knowing that BUYING ART MAKES YOU COOL!

12 MIDNITE’S MONEY-GRUBBING CASH AND CARRY ART SALE
Saturday, February 17th: 8PM
LUCKY RED
: Union at Main…on the bitter end of chinatown
www.12midnite.com
midnite at telus dot net

Cadillacs and Cows

quiz: which Herb Alpert and Tijuana Brass album cover are you?

You scored as Whipped Cream and Other Delights.

Whipped Cream and Other Delights
100%
Lonely Bull
92%
Warm
83%
S R O
83%
Going Places
83%
Ninth
75%
Beat of the Brass
67%
Summertime
67%
Christmas Album
67%
Brass Are Comin’
58%
Sounds Like
33%
What Now My Love
33%
Volume 2
25%
South of the Border
25%

Which classic Tijuana Brass Album cover are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

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