breaking news from the world of great metaphor: Anna Nicole Smith dead of heart failure

Posted on February 8, 2007 by raincoaster

Anna Nicole Smith, mugshot Now there’s a loaded expression.

After retiring from a modelling career that went up and down with the tidal shifts in her saline implants, becoming the human trainwreck hostess of the original Reality TV celebrities-more-fucked-up-than-us show, marrying a wizened zombie with one foot in the grave (nip slip in the wedding photos), hosting a poolside wake for him a few months later and nearly knocking the casket into the water with her drunken antics, sexually assaulting at least one personal assistant, and killing off her eldest child by sharing a Barbaro-sized dose of recreational methadone, Anna Nicole Smith has finally done the right thing by her offspring and has died of the both euphemistic and true-on-so-many-levels heart failure at the Hard Rock Casino resort in Florida.

Do you know anyone else who parties so hard they take a private nurse with them to the Casino?

Update: looks like she needed that nurse!

While it’s a shame when anyone so young is taken, I can’t bring myself to shed a tear for this narcissistic hedonist. Her little girl (paternity still a matter before the courts) is better off without her. If Anna Nicole Smith did an honest, generous act in her life the track record would lead me to believe she did it by accident.

Anna Nicole Smith, party girl Defamer, as always, has the best roundup.

Larry King is back, and he’s confident that the legal system will eventually figure out who’s the father of her newborn daughter Dannielynn. He almost sounds cocky about it, leading us to suspect he’s trying to hint the baby is his, just to prove his incredible virility at an advanced age.

King once again falls into reverie, recalling the time she appeared on his show so drunk and incomprehensible that SNL reran the interview without altering it. She’s compared to Marilyn Monroe (for a variety of reasons), called “not the smartest woman in the world,” but also “fun.” King is clearly working through his feelings on-air.

is it wrong? musical edition 1.0

Posted on February 8, 2007 by raincoaster

So, is it wrong of me to like Pink‘s voice, even though I cannot understand a word she’s singing? Opera lovers do this all the time…

how to act, by Ian McKellen

Posted on February 8, 2007 by raincoaster

By way of Ricky Jervais’ Extras:

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Barbaro lying in state

Posted on February 8, 2007 by raincoaster

A state of rigor mortis, from the looks of things. Here, from the Onion and by way of David’s American Legends sports blog, is an unforgettable, moving image of a great stallion, cut down in his prime and lying in state.

Bye Bye Barbaro!

“Barbaro was a great horse, but an even better person,” said Cheryl McElroy, still visibly shaken after filing past Barbaro‘s coffin and placing a single red rose upon it. “He taught us how to triumph over adversity and how to persevere in the face of overwhelming odds. He showed us that anyone could win the Kentucky Derby if they just believed in themselves—even you or I. And he proved that people can lead perfectly normal, productive lives after breaking their long pastern bone and being diagnosed with laminitis of the left hoof.”

During the ceremony, the usually festive Churchill Downs was eerily quiet, with the only sounds in the building coming from the low rumble of muffled drums, the clacking of horses’ hooves, and a dirge-like rendition of “My Old Kentucky Home” played in a minor key by the University of Louisville marching band. As they laid his casket on the bier, Elton John performed a special version of “Candle In The Wind” rewritten to describe Barbaro‘s tragically short life.

Ashes to Alpo…

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USAF firing on British troops

Posted on February 8, 2007 by raincoaster

This is the real thing, people: this is the leaked video of a pair of American Airforce reserve fighter pilots killing British Lance Corporal Matty Hull near Basra in Iraq. There is a time lag on the audio here, so follow the subtitles (which were added by the investigators). The video dates from March 28th of 2003, and more details about the incident and investigation are here.

…the pilots, a lieutenant-colonel and major at the time of the incident, are flying warplanes again, attached to the 190th Air Fighter Squadron, based at Boise, Idaho…

The cockpit video reveals that the pilots clearly saw the orange panels on the top of the British armoured vehicles intended to identify them as friendly forces, but ultimately decided that they were rocket launchers. When one pilot suggested a return to base, the other said: “I think killing these damn rocket launchers, it would be great.”

Even after attacking the column, the transcript shows the pilots were still unsure whether they had attacked enemy or friendly troops.

“It doesn’t look friendly,” one pilot said. Minutes later, they were told of their mistake.

“We’re in jail dude,” one pilot said. “Goddam it. Fuck me dead,” the other cries.

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Daily Archives: February 8, 2007

is it wrong? musical edition 1.0

how to act, by Ian McKellen

Barbaro lying in state

USAF firing on British troops

Don't keep it to yourself!

Don't keep it to yourself!

Don't keep it to yourself!

Don't keep it to yourself!

Don't keep it to yourself!