Monthly Archives: March 2006

Podcaster of the Year: The Kid from Brooklyn

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The Kid from BrooklynThe Kid from Brooklyn is unquestionably the world's greatest living podcaster.

Does this fellow know what he's doing? Judging by the professional set design (Naugahyde La-Z-Boy, Home Depot shelving), scary dye job on the carnivorous eyebrows, and the lack of notably dulcet vocal stylings, I'd have to say he does not.

Does it matter? Not in the slightest.

Is he for real? Oh god I hope so; the world needs more cranky old bastards!!!

I recommend going to his Videos Page and clicking a few at random.

My personal favorites include:

 Gold Digger, Terrorists, Regular People, and, of course, Starbucks.

Edited to add:

How, in the name of all that is holy, did I forget to mention the best entry, perhaps the best single podcast of all time, Go F*** Yourself!?

Operation Global Media Domination: Porn Coaster????

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TIAA big, friendly welcome to the three people who’ve reached this blog through searching for the term “Porn Coaster.” Maybe not as friendly as they were expecting, but still.

porn coaster 3
starbucks fatman 1
Pakistani funny web sites 1
cocaine corner 1

So I guess all those posts about Kantian Deontology just fell by the wayside, eh? And what about the Squidfans, dammit? I really put out for you people! Oh, fine, have your calamari and eat your Kiwa Hirsuta too. Coke, Republicans, fat people at Starbucks (try Vancouver, Washington; I know whereof I speak), and laff riots from earthquake-devastated, tinderbox countries. Now, I’m a cynic, but you people worry even me.

Today in Furry Albino Lobster News

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Some enterprising, web-savvy hand-sewing type (yes, apparently they exist, although they are rarer than kiwa hirsuta) has created a pattern to sew your own cuddly stuffed Kiwa Hirsuta. Apparently, the whole world is focused on the appetizer course-enhancing qualities of the incredibly rare and scientifically fascinating creature; first it was described as “the size of a salad plate,” and now, this new creation has stripped the gloves off (although presumably donned the bib) and actually called itself “Tasty.”

Kira Hirsuta toy

Inspired by the recently reported kiwa hirsuta lobster, I designed a plush toy. Although she’s not anatomically correct in every detail, I think she is an identifiable member of this new species.

For anyone interested in sewing one of their own, I’ve developed a pattern with instructions and released it under a Creative Commons license. I don’t recommend this project for people averse to hand-sewing or turning things inside out—there’s plenty of both involved. But it’s all simple sewing and assembly if you understand the basics of seaming and stuffing.

And, presumably, roasting and grilling.

linkie o’ the day: everything DOES have a fansite

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And, until recently, an annual convention (and has the word ever been less aptly applied?).

SegwayFest!

You read that right. SegwayFest! Note the super-hyped “!” !!!! From 2003-2005 inclusive, the world’s largest collection of elastic waist chino enthusiasts gathered annually at a Southern backwater city chosen for the ready availability of cheap Redbull and Day’s Inns for their annual Lazy Dork Rodeo. Alas, it is no more, and these bereft vacationeers will have to content themselves with weekend jaunts to Excalibur! (also “!”) in Vegas.

Behold: Segway butts

Every year, in conjunction with other Segway® HT enthusiasts and Segway enthusiast organizations [!!!!!!](such as SegwayChat and SEG America), Segway LLC supports a national gathering for the Segway HT community.

Dubbed SegwayFest, 2003 marked the first year of this gathering and was attended by over 150 people from around the country. SegwayFest! 2003 was held in Chicago while SegwayFest! 2004 was held in Bonita Springs, Florida. Each SegwayFest offers in-depth workshops, educational seminars, “Ask the Experts” sessions, social gatherings, Segway HT skill competitions, special guest speakers, and more!

“And more!” Wow, “over 150 people!” I guess those big numbers start to get confusing, especially after the second or third RedBull.

And here are the true believers, men (?) and women (?) not afraid to pose with their Segways in full polo gear. Ralph Lauren would be so proud; he can’t use his legs much either.

Segway polo

Welcome to SEG America
the national Segway Enthusiasts Group!

Oh god, more “!”

Welcome to the Segway Enthusiasts Group – America, the official national organization for enthusiasts and owners of the Segway® Human Transporter (HT)! We are an independent, national organization that can help bring together Segway HT owners and enthusiasts across the country as we share our interest in the Segway HT. SEG America is run by its members for its members. Our primary goal is to act as a tool to enable Segway enthusiasts to share information and experiences with each other and to move forward the concept of the Segway HT as new mode of transportation.

I love how they always call it the Segway HT, as if there were a whole raft of other Segways out there you might confuse it with. And, I suppose, after the second or third RedBull, you might.

Today in Giant Octopus News

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The ever-reliable BoingBoing featured a bizarre Japanese (but I repeat myself) television show from the 60’s called Gimme Gimme Octopus. Now, I don’t speak Japanese, and I don’t take drugs, and I’m not sure, from viewing this, which would help more, but it seems to me that the baby octopus is like the MacGuffin in an old Looney Tunes cartoon, being carted around from place to place, always in danger (in this case, of being turned into yummyyummy tako servings) and never actually able to take action to save itself even when, as happens in this video, it gets dropped into water.

OMFG! The octopus fell in the water!!!! What will we dooooooooooo?

Apparently, take more drugs.

Gimme Gimme Octopus

The set design comprises, as these links mention, the kind of background pattern Joan Baez might have worn on a skirt, and the costumes are very H.R. Pufnstuffian, although it must be said that the trio of “dragons” look more like Sigmund the Sea Monster, the Grimace, and the Creature from the Black Lagoon, all after having gone on the Anna Nicole Smith “Trimspa” diet. And that walrus is channelling Tammy Faye Bakker with all that mascara.

Man, I miss Sigmund. And that curly-headed friend of his who was also on Family Affair? I think he was my first love.

In any case, I hereby present Gimme Gimme Octopus video. Prepare to scrub out your eyeballs with bleach afterwards, if you’re not still on a second-hand high.

Here you can actually purchase this chemical-fuelled monstrosity. It’s worth the twenty bucks for the marketing copy alone, which will thrill and amaze your friends (at the thought you’d pay $20 for this thing).

The most accurate summary of this late 60’s Japanese kids show we have read states: “An octopus and a peanut are in love with the same walrus.” Playing kind of like a Sesame Street segment on an entire sheet of acid, Gimme Gimme Octopus boggles the mind with it’s impenetrable story lines and bizarro characters. In one segment the octopus and the walrus steal a sleeping dragons smoking bowl. They then sit in a tree and sniff the smoke. Soon their eyelids are half open and they seem to be laughing and swaying back and fourth. Makes the Mighty Mouse magic dust controversy seem tame in comparison.

The whole series (four, count ’em, four DVDs) is available here in case you can’t find your old Thunderbirds tapes and need some brain food. And here, if you’re still looking for punishment, are some more free episodes.

Now I know why psychiatrists call them “episodes.”