Monthly Archives: January 2007

Cobra Hunter: Toronto!

Posted on by

king cobra. Your majesty is welcome here.Riiiiiiiiiight, you’re thinking. But it’s true: Toronto, capital of Ontario and of banality, is host to a professional reptile hunter, and yet he hasn’t even touched the ones in Bay Street.

Let’s enter the squamous, deadly world of Josh Feltham, Canadian Cobra Hunter. Crikey, Steve Irwin would be so proud.

Aside from a few sightings more than three months ago, the deadly scaled fugitive has vanished without a trace.The hunt for the venomous snake has shut down the rooming house, sent its five tenants packing and left the landlord, Philip Belanger, $20,000 poorer from lost rent and damage. Belanger says he’s heard estimates that the City of Toronto has spent $100,000 in its bid to find the snake, calling in the police, fire department, paramedics and experts from the Toronto Zoo and Animal Services. The city will not confirm any figure.

“The thing about snakes is they’ve evolved to be elusive,” Josh Feltham, a reptile expert, says. “If I was that snake I’d be having a great time in that house. There’s food around. It can explore. What more do you need … A female maybe…”

Think like a snake; there’s your first step. Politicians and bankers looking for alternative career choices are perfectly adapted for this option, and we should all do our best to encourage them to become cobra hunters. Let’s start with Stephen Harper, shall we?

del.icio.us: Cobra Hunter Toronto!
blinklist: Cobra Hunter Toronto!
Digg it: Cobra Hunter Toronto!
ma.gnolia: Cobra Hunter Toronto!
Stumble it: Cobra Hunter Toronto!
simpy: Cobra Hunter Toronto!
newsvine: Cobra Hunter Toronto!
reddit: Cobra Hunter Toronto!
fark: Cobra Hunter Toronto!
Technorati me!

Olbermann on Sacrifice in Iraq

Posted on by

Here is Keith Olbermann, in possibly his strongest Special Comment to date, confronting Bush’s rumoured and doomed about-to-be policy of escalation in Iraq. Olbermann says that America has sacrificed more than enough to Bush‘s policies, and now he’s asking it to sacrifice only for his ego. Definitely a no-holds-barred statement, and much food for thought.

Again, as always, the video and the transcript are from Crooks and Liars. I only post on YouTube so that I can put it in the blog, but they, and of course Olbermann, get all the credit. It’s incomplete right now; as soon as they’ve got the whole thing, I’ll post it. In any case, it works well enough as posted.

Transcript over the jump…

Continue reading →

the fart tax

Posted on by

Moo???? Watch that hand, Miliband!The inimitable Pierre Elliott Trudeau once said that the government has no place in the bedrooms of the nation. The prefab Tony Blair, however, thinks that where the government really belongs is up the rectums of cattle, and who among us would disagree?

Farmers will be told today they could be penalised if they do not stop their flatulent animals farting so much methane gas. The environment secretary, David Miliband, will tell a farming conference in Oxford that agriculture now contributes 7% of all UK greenhouse gas emissions and more than a third of all emissions of methane -one of the most dangerous greenhouse gases…

Tomorrow, I imagine cows all over Great Britain will be getting a stern talking to. Let’s hope they start with Margaret Thatcher.

del.icio.us: the fart tax
blinklist: the fart tax
Digg it: the fart tax
ma.gnolia: the fart tax
Stumble it: the fart tax
simpy: the fart tax
newsvine: the fart tax
reddit: the fart tax
fark: the fart tax
Technorati me!

Rose Bowl: 200 stormtroopers on parade

Posted on by

a face even a mother couldn't love

And when Darth Vader himself is leading and George Fucking Lucas himself is watching, you’d better believe these amateurs took it very, very seriously.

This year is the 30th anniversary of Star Wars, and to celebrate it a group of fans called the 501st Legion: Vader’s Fist wanted to participate in the annual Rose Bowl parade in their homemade Imperial stormtrooper costumes. Normally, George Lucas is, frankly, a bit of an asshole when it comes to “copyright abuse” and all that, but in this case something got to him (perhaps he has a dog named Max?) and he softened up, allowing them to perform unimpeded, and even helped some of them with their airfare.

After presenting George Lucas with a Stormtrooper helmet autographed by 200 parade-attending 501st members and a personalized 501st Legion letterman jacket, the troops performed a quick series marching routines for Grand Marshal Lucas at the Pasadena training grounds. Satisfied with the presentation, the team of drill instructors (comprised of the Legion’s own experienced members led by Col. Anthony Toledo) released the troops to enjoy a few short hours of “down time” before launching 2007 in Star Wars style. Not only is the new year the 30th anniversary of Star Wars, but also the 10th anniversary of the 501st Legion. Thank you to all of our friends, family and fans who have given the Legion such wonderful support for the past decade! Happy New Year!

Here is the video of the Star Wars section of the parade, including Lucasfilm‘s two floats (note to overseas readers: all the float decorations and colouring in the Rose Bowl parade are made from the petals of real flowers. In a sense, it’s the most biodegradable and ecofriendly parade there is!) featuring boogeying ewoks and the Queen of Naboo, wherever the hell Naboo is. Like you saw the last three films either. Alas, no Chewie.

No, there was no Jar Jar Binks.

del.icio.us: 200 Imperial Stormtroopers on parade
blinklist: 200 Imperial Stormtroopers on parade
Digg it: 200 Imperial Stormtroopers on parade
ma.gnolia: 200 Imperial Stormtroopers on parade
Stumble it: 200 Imperial Stormtroopers on parade
simpy: 200 Imperial Stormtroopers on parade
newsvine: 200 Imperial Stormtroopers on parade
reddit: 200 Imperial Stormtroopers on parade
fark: 200 Imperial Stormtroopers on parade
Technorati me!

PSA: Imam Mahdi is coming. Look righteous.

Posted on by

the imam mahdi, ETA May?

It’s true. Iran says so.

An official state media website in Iran has posted a message heralding the coming of the Shiite messianic figure, Imam Mahdi, noting he could arrive with Jesus by the spring equinox.

No word on whether they’ll need a double room or two singles.

Buddy Christ

del.icio.us: Imam Mahdi is coming, look righteous!
blinklist: Imam Mahdi is coming, look righteous!
Digg it: Imam Mahdi is coming, look righteous!
ma.gnolia: Imam Mahdi is coming, look righteous!
Stumble it: Imam Mahdi is coming, look righteous!
simpy: Imam Mahdi is coming, look righteous!
newsvine: Imam Mahdi is coming, look righteous!
reddit: Imam Mahdi is coming, look righteous!
fark: Imam Mahdi is coming, look righteous!
Technorati me!