quiz: which character from the Iliad are you?

Here is my all-time favorite mass transit story, and it’s even true!

My English professor rode the bus every day. He rode the bus in from White Rock. It took long hours.

Sorry, channelling Hemingway; it’s the English major in me.

Anyway, on the bus, he met many an interesting character, as one does. He met so many, in fact, that he eventually decided to stop meeting anyone at all, and began reading on the bus.

This was not a successful solution, for lo the world is never short of those with an opinion or two to spare on the subject of a total stranger’s taste in books (to the point where I used to use a book cover that said “I want YOU…to leave me alone”).

One day, he was reading a book, as I think I have explained was his wont, which I suppose means what he wonted to do, and the book just happened to be the Iliad (in translation; he was no showoff). Well, onto the bus lumbers and BAM! down into the seat next to him sits a huge, hulking biker of much black leather, clanking chains, and many a fierce and prison-made tattoo.

Great, thinks the mild-mannered and moderate-bodied English professor. Try to be invisible, he thinks.

He fails.

POKE goes the biker’s finger into the book.

Da Iliad! he shouts. I love dat book! Rumble in Troy, eh! Ah, it’s all women, man. All da trouble in da world: It’s always all about da fuckin’ women.

  Which Greek Warrior From The Iliad Are You?  

Agamemnon: You are the king of Mycenae…and assholery. I’m telling you, sacrificing your daughter to fuel your ambitions doesn’t win you too many friends.
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Blame Germany!

Die! Deodorant!

Is this who’s to blame for the choking miasma that inhabits the ladies’ room at Metrotown? The brave or desperate souls who venture into the complicated tunnel system behind the Food Court (and who survive) tell tales of a horrible, synthetic, eye-biting cloud of Spring Meadow-scented vapour. We here at the ol’ raincoaster blog had always put it down to the suburban penchant for Aqua Net, Charlie, and the apparent inability of mall-goers to deposit their deposits within the toilet bowl, instead of all over the seat, the floor, and the cubicle walls.

How wrong we were.

It turns out that Germans are apparently so stinky that only crop-duster-sized doses of deodorant are effective on them. Unfortunately, they are equally effective at setting off fire alarms, as a group of blushing, sweating, but presumably Meadow-Fresh teenagers discovered.

“The fumes of the pleasant-smelling deodorant were so intense that they drifted up to the ceiling and set off a fire detector,” said Volker Buttgereit of the Buesum police force… “Hopefully the girls will get by with a little less spray next time,” said Buttgereit.

Well I for one fully support the use of aromatherapy candles in ladies’ rooms. If nothing else, the resulting explosions should singe off their underarm hair, thus reducing the need for deodorant in the first place.

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Anna Nicole’s Fridge contents!

I can't believe it's not heroin!Check this out: looks like Howard K. forgot to sanitize the crime scene before the cops and/or the reporters from TMZ could get there. He was, reports say, much more thorough when Daniel ankled this planet.

Yogurt, sure. Weight loss shakes? Of course. Vitamins? Whatever, who cares?

So far, it looks like my fridge, except I would never buy an American brand of Worchestershire sauce.

But wait. What’s that I spy?

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Heroin!

Of course, the alternate theory to the ever-popular The Lawyer/Butler/Babydaddy Pretender Did It theory is that Trimspa got wise to her Slimfast-suckin’, cheatin’ gullet, and had her offed before the news could leak, potentially undoing millions of dollars’ and several years’ worth of marketing work.

As for me, well I have an alibi. I was blogging at the time.

Also, was she really fucking her bodyguard? Go her!

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Valentine’s how-to: the nastiest prank in the world

STD, yoMaybe not the nastiest, come to think of it, as this only applies to those with sex lives that exist in the physical world and not just the universe of slash fic.

Inspot is a truly useful, life-saving website that helps those who’ve been infected with harmful diseases inform others of their risk and encourages a pro-active and positive approach to sexual health. As such, it deserves our wholehearted support and I for one applaud it.

However.

It’s also a tool ripe for abuse; the perfect way to mindfuck someone who has it coming. We at the ol’ raincoaster blog would never encourage you to unleash this monster on an innocent party, but what about those who have it coming? Well, that’s quite another tale of mystery and imagination.

Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are more common than you know. In the U.S. alone, there are 15 million new cases each year. Talking to your sex partners, even virtually, helps take away the stigma associated with STDs. AND it’s scientifically proven to reduce transmission.

** Did you know that some of these STDs make it 6-10 times more likely to transmit HIV from an infected person to his or her sex partner – no matter who has the STD first?

TIPS ABOUT THE SITE

  • Notify everyone you’ve had sex with in the past six months. Oral sex counts, too.
  • Try looking through your old emails and your online address book to complete the list.
  • If you decide to compose a personal message, put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Think about how you were told—what you liked and what you didn’t—and put the best of it into words.
  • You don’t have to provide detailed medical info—this email card will automatically provide links to what they need to know.
  • You can send postcards anonymously or from your email address.

Take a damn good look at that last line and then reach out and touch mindfuck someone.

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good bloggers borrow, great bloggers steal

so here are a couple of things I stole from Metro.
The Which Supervillain Are You? quiz: frankly, which of them am I NOT?

Your results:
You are Poison Ivy

Poison Ivy
76%
Apocalypse
74%
Magneto
71%
Dr. Doom
64%
Mystique
64%
Green Goblin
64%
Two-Face
64%
Dark Phoenix
63%
Kingpin
59%
Catwoman
58%
Lex Luthor
56%
Venom
54%
Mr. Freeze
51%
The Joker
40%
Juggernaut
36%
Riddler
12%
You would go to almost any length for the protection of the environment including manipulation and elimination.


Click here to take the “Which Super Villain are you?” quiz…

and the cephalopod image of the day:

Octocone...cephalopod ripple

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