Stop the Planet of the Apes: I want to get off!

Don’t we all, sweetheart, don’t we all.

Here’s a musical number from perhaps the greatest Simpsons episode of all time. Enjoy.

Update: YouTube took it down, so here’s a fan-made replacement

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vengence is mine, saith raincoaster

Satan's Alarm ClockThanks to the ever-resourceful and only seemingly-benevolent Colin in the WP forums, I now have a timely, sensitive, and highly effective method of payback the next time I’m stuck at a public computer beside some mouthbreathing, grunting microcephaloid. Or the next time you are!

Make sure the offending lower life form can see your monitor. Close your eyes in a moment of prayer, perhaps moving your lips slightly in an inaudible entreaty. Then sigh deeply, look heavenward, and hit this link:

launch

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job postings of the Great Satan

War is PeaceIt comes as no surprise to those of us in other nations that the United States needs professional help.

They have recently begun advertising for it.

Unfortunately, while the advertising gives every indication that this is a good old-fashioned show business audition in that great Hollywood Baby-I-Can-Make-You-A-Star tradition, the bait and switch factor here is of a standard of viciousness that would give even CAA pause.

They’re actually looking for “Arabic-looking people” to play the enemy in live war games. Oops, did we not mention that? Sowee!

They came with dreams of working on a movie set, or at the very least of earning some respectable cash as a walk-on extra, encouraged by a mysterious advertisement printed recently in a Berlin tabloid.

But the reality was different for dozens of Arab-speaking applicants at a supposed casting session, only to be told they were wanted to play Iraqis and Afghans in a US wargame planned for later this month.

I can certainly see the War Games Marketing Manager vetoing a “apply here to get treated like Iraqis by the US Army” format, but a little more disclosure and, perhaps, a lot more cash, might have resulted in an uptake ratio greater than the reported four out of dozens.

…many turned back at the door when asked: “Do you have anything against working for Americans?” …One Moroccan man refused to take part, saying: “I will not help the Americans hurt my brothers…”

“We’re looking for more realism,” said Reggie Bourgeois, executive officer of the US Army’s Joint Multinational Readiness Center (JMRC) in Bavaria. “The more actual culture we can inject into the exercise the better it is for our soldiers.”

“After all, we’re in the business of dealing with the culture.”

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