more marketing tips for hookers

Part Two of Three: Part One and Part Three. From the Archive.

  Friday, September 20, 2002

4) Keep Your Neighbors Happy

Hooker Barbie!It is a people business, as I said, and your neighbors are people, too. If you alienate them, they shut you down; if you make friends you get free espressos from Starbucks!

Years ago, when I was working at the Starbucks on East Hastings, near the Franklin Street Kiddie Stroll, we used to have a hooker as a regular customer. Her pimp used to send her in for drinks for all his girls, a couple of times a day. Sometimes it’s hard to tell the hookers from the civilians, especially post-Britney, but there was no mistaking her.

She was about 25, and 5’10” with baby-chick blonde hair piled on top of her head in a loose, tendrilly bun. Her outfit was always the same: Skintight white vinyl mini with matching bandeau top and bolero, high white boots with massive platforms and heels, sometimes matching gloves or, in the dead of winter, a big, grandma-knitted style scarf that had more square footage than the rest of her outfit combined. Makeup out to there. She was absolutely gorgeous, to boot.

There was no point even trying to help her; every man in the shop dove for the till as soon as she cleared the door. She would flirt with them while they made her order (as slowly as possible) and gave her free espressos while she waited, just as long as she stayed right there.

She was always nice to the rest of us, too, and once, when we complained that the crowd in the store was so noisy they were driving us crazy she said, “Leave it to me,” and paced the length of the store slowly, sashaying for all she was worth. The place went silent. We gave her two free drinks that day. I remember offering to call her a cab once, when the rain had turned to snow, but she said “No, that’s okay, I’m never without a ride or a way to get one.” And she stepped outside, gave one sashay, and we heard the squeal of tires. As good as having a car, and no insurance costs!

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3 thoughts on “more marketing tips for hookers

  1. *chuckle* You’ve got it girl – the gift of the gab.

    “Sometimes it’s hard to tell the hookers from the civilians, especially post-Britney, but there was no mistaking her.”

  2. Thanks. You’d be surprised how many of these girls look EXACTLY like a pre-KFed Britney, only taller. Of course, they’ve got bloody HOOVES on their feet; anybody’d be a six-footer with those shoes.

  3. i pick up some hookers during early day time when i was on vacation from work an got the best deal 4 the longest blo job, if i new that i cood get cheap deal b4 i wood never pay so much. now i go during work time 4 get blo job coz cheaper when u go early an no more 2 many guys cruzing 4 sex

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