If only my parents had bought me this when I was little!

Okay so judging by the computer clock I have 12.5 minutes to finish this post and get it up, which may give you a hint why most of my posts seem rather … thin … lately. I have to jam them all up before the web cafe closes or walk several miles in the rain to get to the nearest 24 hour cafe and then pay another $2 for lousy coffee or $5 in the case of the nearest cafe, which has a two-drink minimum and NO I AM NOT EVEN JOKING so is it any wonder I’m having an emo breakdown? It’s only Monday by a few minutes and I’m already three days behind in posts.

So let me tell you about the time I had an emo meltdown on my one and only celebrity follower. Well, I have some celebrity journalists following me, thank god, because validation from writers better than one’s self is always welcome, but I have only one Actual Movie Star Follower, and that’s John Cusack. I’d tell you about him, but I don’t have time and you DO have google, so knock yourselves out.

It happened after I’d stayed up too long liveblogging Japan (for which I did get on the front page of Google for “Japanese Earthquake” for a time at least; I do think I did a good job, but GOD who can blog that for long without going ever so slightly insane, eh? I ask yez) two nights in a row and gotten an email from a friend in Hawaii mentioning the two quakes he’d had while he was replying to my email of a few minutes ago. Oh, swell.

Then I heard about the reactors.

That’s about when I DM’d my one and only Genuine Celebrity Follower, a man I know through conversations of about 420 characters total. And nothing is to be deduced from that purely coincidental number.

And what did I say to this near-stranger? “Do you ever have one of those days when you think the end of the world is actually here already?”

So, yeah, I’m apparently That Fan. Mother would be so proud.

On that note, here are your emo links for an early Monday morning. I should drink more, at least I’m a happy drunk.

If this doesn’t fix the situation in Japan, nothing will (raincoaster)

Hello. My name is Harry Potter. Prepare to die. (Lolebrity)

Saturday Caption Contest: Elizabeth Taylor Edition (Ayyyy)

Rachel Ray’s hideous secret (ManoloFood)

Whoopi Goldberg is out to destroy your sanity (AgentBedhead)

Happy Birthday, AntiChrist! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Kim Kardashian will DESTROY you, Nightlife! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Madonna will KILL MALAWI BABIES! (CeleBitchy)

This unspeakable monstrosity is a harbinger of APOCALYPSE! (DListed)

The AntiChrist is ready for his closeup! (DailyStab)

One lone hero against the Great Satan (FitFabCeleb)

because domestic abuse is great for ratings (EvilBeet)

The Four Hipsters of the Apocalypse? (GirlsTalkinSmack)

The Whoar! of Babylon (HaveUHeard)

RIP DJ Megatron (HollywoodHiccups)

Proud Parents of the End Times (INeedMyFix)

Remember how awesome people used to be? Yeah, well now they’re not. (PopBytes)

Kate Moss looks bad. Hell froze over after all (TheSkinny)

Apparently, time is now flowing backwards (TheSkinnyChic)

Here are the troubadours of Apocalypse (SeriouslyOMG)