From the Department of “We’re All Fucked”

Flying Orca Flying Dolphin THEY ARE COMING!!!

Flying Orca Flying Dolphin THEY ARE COMING!!!

I WARNED YOU ALL!!!! I warned you, and you laughed, didn’t you, or at least you lol’d and posted it to Twitter. I know you, you and your lol-ing, Twitter-posting ways.

But you didn’t take it seriously, and now look what’s happened while you were off posting cat pictures to Facebook: they’ve begun to spread. The first Flying Orca, as previously reported, was spotted in BC, as was the first known Flying Humpback Whale. The Cascadia region is a well-known refuge for cryptids, from the noble Sasquatch to the mighty Ogopogo, and not forgetting the endangered Pacific Tree Octopus. Now according to the Daily Mail, the terrifying Flying Orca been spotted off the coast of Mexico. Obviously they have a means of long-distance communication that not even the NSA can detect!

Meanwhile, under the sea, all has become a deranged orgy of climate change-inspired breeding and cannibalism! It’s like a Russ Myers/Roger Corman film starring the Deep Ones!

But it gets worse.

Just as normally-submarine predators have taken to the skies, so too have voracious land-based killing machines begun to encroach on environments in which they were previously unknown.

That’s right: you are not safe on the land, in the air, or on the sea. Sleep well. As for me, I’m off to buy a shovel and start digging.

Make way for Megalodon!

Make way for Megalodon! Now boarding in rows OH SHIT to WE’RE FUCKED.

12 thoughts on “From the Department of “We’re All Fucked”

  1. Some time back I worked in Alaska, one Fall I stayed for crab season as the Machinist for the shore side plant. One of the crab fisherman was complaining about the low catch of crab. I then told him that they had been catching all the crab that were dumb enough to go into their crab pots, leaving only “smart crabs” that were were smart enough not to get caught. He got the most worried look I have ever seen, was not sure if I was serious or not, told me to not even tease him about that possibility. One very worried dude for sure

  2. Amazing what you can get away with if you have a straight face and sincere look on it. The deadpan delivery at the right time can be classic

    Have you ever watched The Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel? Need to be a bit nuts to do that year after year – and back in the 70’s & 80’s it was less safe than it is now, the Coast Guard has stepped up the safety rules and it is “safer” sort of

  3. Nice site, thanks for helping me with my computer problems now I can relax sit back and look out my the plane window – oh my god is that a ahhhhhh……………………

  4. Pingback: Afternoon Links: Kim Kardashian is Already Dropping the Baby Weight

  5. Pingback: THEY WALK! | raincoaster

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