The Covid-19 Briefing Bingo’s Revenge

Today’s briefing bingo, which is really yesterday’s briefing and today’s possible bingo, is brought to you by the Paul Naschy movie The Mummy’s Revenge. Why ask why? It’s 2020 and nothing makes sense anymore.

More and more I believe when I’m dreaming is when I am most awake

Here’s our video of the briefing, which took place as we mentioned, yesterday. I was busy having a life, okay? It was quite a refreshing change, and I’m sure I was deeply missed by all briefing participants. Would a retweet KILL YA?

But I’m over that.

Here’s our CPAC video:

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau addresses Canadians from outside his home in Ottawa to provide an update on the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. He announces that Major-General Dany Fortin will lead the federal government’s vaccine distribution team. The prime minister also comments on his conversations with premiers regarding the COVID-19 vaccine rollout. He says, if everything goes well, most Canadians will be vaccinated by September 2021. The previous day, public health officials said they were expecting to be able to vaccinate three million people by March 2021. Trudeau also announces $542 million funding to help First Nations, Inuit and Métis communities and groups establish their own child and family services systems.

And here are our bingo cards. Yes, I need to Get On that seventh generation card, but at this point I figure we have until at least June, so there’s no particular rush.

And all the previous bingo episodes are on the Briefing Bingo Category page. Which might as well just be the main blog page, because I’m putting nothing much else here these days.

This is the only year in recent history when the question “What’s new?” qualifies as trolling.

To begin, we have “Begins in English” and “Facial Hair” and “Back at Rideau Hall” and “Outerwear”. Methinks those suit colour squares are going to go unchecked until, say, March or April. I bet he’s cheating and not even wearing the jacket under that coat, as would we in his place.

“We are in some of the toughest days of this pandemic and we are going to have to hold on tight.”

Somebody took care of the scuff marks on the door, I notice. Doggy scuff marks or human scuff marks? Enquiring minds want to know, because it’s 2020 and we’re desperate for entertainment of any sort. Anyway, they’re gone.

Now we’ve got “Rapid tests” and “PPE” as Trudeau rattles off some figures about how much of this stuff the government is sending out. And yes, new record high infection rates in several provinces, which is just like a daily thing now. Or rather, twice-weekly, as we only get the briefings on Tuesday and Friday. I might as well set my calendar reminders permanently at this point.

Oh, and one for Wednesday too!

Trudeau is now “pushing responsibility to provinces” so mark that one off. He’s laying out just how the federal government is stepping up and, by implication, challenging the provinces to step up and use their budgets and their borrowing power to help their citizens.

Actually looks more like a couple hundred to me.

And mark your “Vaccine” square. And “Team Canada” and “App.” There are 5.5 million people using it and 31.38 smartphone owners in the country, so there is still a long way to go.

On the Seventh Generation square I should definitely have a square for “The Roommate breathes loudly through his nose to indicate disapproval of the fact that he has lost control of the remote control.” But that virtually guarantees I’ll have moved out by the time I post it.

Oooh, motivation!

He’s not finding a new way to give Canadians money, he’s just running down all the ways he’s already given Canadians money.

There is “We have your back.” And I totally have to put that on the Seventh Generation card before it goes stale. Remember “From Coast to Coast to Coast?” Once that got on a card it was never seen again. I’m more influential than I thought, clearly!

I don’t know my own strength!

That sounds like “Donc” to me, so mark that one. And he’s alternating between “flattening” and “bending” the dreaded Curve. Neither of those are squares yet, but we got “every step of the way” so mark that. Repeatedly. And I note that I’ve got the same square for “Briefing ends abruptly” twice on the Sixth Generation square.

And definitely “Thanks the Armed Forces” square is in action. And “Gesticulates” too. And now either the Prime Minister is warming up or Ottawa is cooling off, because you can mark your “Can see your breath” square. Well, that was gesticulation to a positively aerobic extent, let’s give it its due.

And there goes the moderator yelling at him to do it again, in French. Unilingual countries’ leaders have it way easier comparatively speaking. They don’t need to hire people to yell at them; their people will do it for free!

There’s your “Sign language interpreters swapped out” square, mark it. Not even 30 minutes into the actual briefing, inneresting.

And mark the “Drinks water” square and “Twinkleface.” If I were Justin Trudeau I would not be twinkling at the CBC, but it’s his call. And it does in fact look like he’s wearing a suit jacket underneath that coat, either pale blue or grey. We’ll see what colour the trousers are when he goes back inside.

Oho, plot twist! They are black! Surely Justin Trudeau would not wear a pale grey or blue suit jacket with black suit trousers (even if he would put brown shoes with a grey or blue suit, which is, again, JUST MORALLY WRONG). So, again, we are unable to tell you which if any suit colour square to mark off.

And that’s a wrap. No mask this time, I note. Not that it’s really necessary for a man to go from his front door to a podium and back.

See you Tuesday unless something happens. Or nothing happens. It’s 2020: anything or nothing could happen at any moment!

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